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Biblical guidelines on sexual boundaries outside of marriage

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  • Biblical guidelines on sexual boundaries outside of marriage

    Though it seems as though many a discussion has been had concerning a variety of topics, I do not recall many threads that talk about what the Bible has to say about sexual boundaries between couples outside of marriage. We all know that intercourse outside of marriage is a sin in God's eyes. As far as I know, the Bible doesn't discuss much other than intercourse. This would be logical, since most couples in those days got married shortly after they met for the first time.

    So what does the Bible say about this topic? We know about intercourse, but there is so much between holding hands and having intercourse! I would like to hear Biblically founded responses, not personal preferences or notions as to what you believe to be right or wrong. Please back any answer given up with Scripture.
    Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

    Check out my new blog at pilgrimtozion.blogspot.com

  • #2
    There isn't much outside of talking about intercourse. God gives us common sense however!

    Beyond holding hands type stuff... one is setting themselves up a bit. Hold hands... arms around.... then the kiss... after a while enter the roaming hands... after a while... "we accidently had sex." If one thinks about it... really wasn't an accident at all. Just some boneheaded decisions to further advance yourself until sex was the next viable option.


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    A.W. Tozer said,
    "To escape the error of salvation by works we have fallen into the opposite error of salvation without obedience.”

    GO.... SERVE YOUR KING!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ProjectPeter View Post
      There isn't much outside of talking about intercourse. God gives us common sense however!

      Beyond holding hands type stuff... one is setting themselves up a bit. Hold hands... arms around.... then the kiss... after a while enter the roaming hands... after a while... "we accidently had sex." If one thinks about it... really wasn't an accident at all. Just some boneheaded decisions to further advance yourself until sex was the next viable option.
      If the boundary of not having intercourse is clearly set and stuck to, however, it becomes a different story. I understand that going further and further can make it more and more difficult on yourself, but I want to start from the point that having intercourse is a set boundary that will not be crossed, and then discover what else the Bible says from there.
      Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

      Check out my new blog at pilgrimtozion.blogspot.com

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ProjectPeter View Post
        There isn't much outside of talking about intercourse. God gives us common sense however!

        Beyond holding hands type stuff... one is setting themselves up a bit. Hold hands... arms around.... then the kiss... after a while enter the roaming hands... after a while... "we accidently had sex." If one thinks about it... really wasn't an accident at all. Just some boneheaded decisions to further advance yourself until sex was the next viable option.
        Then you try to fix it all, ask God for help and you find yourself in a place and don't know how you go there.

        Personal preference, experience, I won't be doing much 'holding hands type stuff'. It already ruined something perfectly good.

        <--Ah wells; pity party.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by ProjectPeter View Post
          There isn't much outside of talking about intercourse. God gives us common sense however!

          Beyond holding hands type stuff... one is setting themselves up a bit. Hold hands... arms around.... then the kiss... after a while enter the roaming hands... after a while... "we accidently had sex." If one thinks about it... really wasn't an accident at all. Just some boneheaded decisions to further advance yourself until sex was the next viable option.
          Do I understand you correctly in that you say that the Bible gives no guidelines except "no intercourse before marriage"?
          Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

          Check out my new blog at pilgrimtozion.blogspot.com

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          • #6
            Not scriptural but this metaphor may help. Consider intercourse like a high cliff. To be safe, you're going to want to stay back as far from the edge of that cliff as possible. The closer you go to the cliff edge the more likely it is that you may fall over the edge.
            Remember, You are Delightful to God!

            The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to
            save. He will take great delight in you, he will
            quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you
            with singing. - Zephaniah 3:17

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Pilgrimtozion View Post
              If the boundary of not having intercourse is clearly set and stuck to, however, it becomes a different story. I understand that going further and further can make it more and more difficult on yourself, but I want to start from the point that having intercourse is a set boundary that will not be crossed, and then discover what else the Bible says from there.
              There is nothing that says you can't hold hands. Nothing that says you can't sit next to each other... giggle, laugh, stare at each other and feel all sorts of giddy and goofy when you are around each other. Some might even call that love.

              But that being said... there is a line that you do know you can't cross Scripturally. That line is sex. So what constitutes sex. There is the deed itself which is clearly obvious I would hope. But then, folks being folks... they've come up with their "end arounds" thinking themselves wise! But here is where that gets them into trouble.

              Matthew 5:27 ¶"You have heard that it was said, `YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY´;
              28 but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

              I say this without reservation. You can insert the word fornicate in there and be perfectly within Scriptural teaching. The point Jesus is making would still hold true.

              That is why Paul makes it clear to folks.

              1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
              2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

              and then he says...

              1 Corinthians 7:8 ¶But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
              9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.

              Rest assured... the person that is in a relationship that involves the holding hands, kissing, and etc... they will find themselves very short on the self-control issue. Again... some Scripture mixed with prudence... it should hopefully make sense.


              Visit our new website
              ! The Blog might interest some.. and Lord help me!!!... for those that twitter... there as well.

              A.W. Tozer said,
              "To escape the error of salvation by works we have fallen into the opposite error of salvation without obedience.”

              GO.... SERVE YOUR KING!

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              • #8
                I am of the belief that umarried couples should never, ever be alone together. I think that would easily solve the question of "how far can we go without going too far?".

                The Bible says clearly to "flee youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Anything that would stir up one's passions would fall into that category (and anyone who thinks kissing, snuggling, hugging, etc doesn't stir up passions is delusional!)
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Whispering Grace View Post
                  I am of the belief that umarried couples should never, ever be alone together. I think that would easily solve the question of "how far can we go without going too far?".

                  The Bible says clearly to "flee youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Anything that would stir up one's passions would fall into that category (and anyone who thinks kissing, snuggling, hugging, etc doesn't stir up passions is delusional!)
                  Delusional indeed! But the question this causes me to ask is whether the desires those actions produce (kissing, snuggling, hugging) is actually what Paul refers to here when he speaks of "youthful lusts". Why is desiring physical union out of love any more right or wrong than desiring emotional, mental, or spiritual union with somebody out of love?
                  Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

                  Check out my new blog at pilgrimtozion.blogspot.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pilgrimtozion View Post
                    Why is desiring physical union out of love any more right or wrong than desiring emotional, mental, or spiritual union with somebody out of love?
                    It is wrong because lust is a sin. My understanding is that desiring anyone sexually who is not your wife (or husband) is lust and therefore a sin.
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                    • #11
                      Psalm 139:23-24-"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."


                      You know in your heart what you should and shouldn't be doing. You know in your heart when before marriage if it is lustful thoughts that are controlling you.
                      You have to be honest with yourself before God. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you should or should not be doing. You'll see your answer...
                      .................The message of the cross divides the human race." ~MW~

                      ........ ... " LORD, I beseech thee, let now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant..."
                      .................................................. .................................................. ...Nehemiah 1:11a



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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Whispering Grace View Post
                        It is wrong because lust is a sin. My understanding is that desiring anyone sexually who is not your wife (or husband) is lust and therefore a sin.
                        I consider it natural and even expectable to desire somebody who is to be my wife. What I do with that desire remains to be seen. But to desire her is not in and of itself a sin, just as desiring emotional or spiritual unity with her is not a sin.

                        Please understand that I am not seeking any form of justification. I merely ask the question because I want to separate what people say from what the Bible says.
                        Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

                        Check out my new blog at pilgrimtozion.blogspot.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Some advice from the Bible's Book of Love

                          Song of Solomon 2:7

                          Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
                          by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
                          Do not arouse or awaken love
                          until it so desires.


                          Those feelings are pretty powerful and it's best not to awaken them before you are married and therefore in a situation to satisfy them in a way that is pleasing to God.
                          Remember, You are Delightful to God!

                          The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to
                          save. He will take great delight in you, he will
                          quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you
                          with singing. - Zephaniah 3:17

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I think we have to be honest by admitting that the Bible doesn't speak very loudly on this issue. In fact, it seems there wasn't really such a thing as 'dating' in biblical times. A couple was probably never alone together until they were betrothed, which was more serious than engagement. But that cultural feature, though wise as it may be, isn't a Scriptural command.

                            Obviously, I agree that intercourse before marriage is wrong, not only in that it is stupid, but it also shows impatience, a lack of self control, selfishness, etc. Personally, I think it is a bit legalistic to say holding hands and/or kissing before marriage is sinful! It is, of course, quite possible to hold hands without lusting for sex. And it is possible to kiss without lusting for sex. And I think it is quite possible to spend time alone together.

                            I think each couple is a different case depending on the history of their relationships, their spiritual maturity, the commitment level of the relationship, etc.

                            But as a matter of practicality, I'd suggest drawing the line at 'roaming hands'
                            The Matthew Never Knew
                            The Knew Kingdom

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Pilgrimtozion View Post
                              I consider it natural and even expectable to desire somebody who is to be my wife. What I do with that desire remains to be seen. But to desire her is not in and of itself a sin, just as desiring emotional or spiritual unity with her is not a sin.

                              Please understand that I am not seeking any form of justification. I merely ask the question because I want to separate what people say from what the Bible says.
                              For what reason are you looking? Motive is always an important factor. Ponder it.


                              Visit our new website
                              ! The Blog might interest some.. and Lord help me!!!... for those that twitter... there as well.

                              A.W. Tozer said,
                              "To escape the error of salvation by works we have fallen into the opposite error of salvation without obedience.”

                              GO.... SERVE YOUR KING!

                              Comment

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