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  • Want to get rid of inside anger.

    I consider myself a pretty easy going guy and gets along well with others. I can easily adapt to ones personality especially at work, never once in my life I had a fight or a agruement with a co-worker.

    But at the homestead its a different story my wife and I have been argueing alot lately, pretty much over stupid things. I tend to lose my patience easily with my wife then get angry. Then I get mad at myself because my wife is a very loving woman who just wants to be happy but for some reason I show her my bad side, while outside of the my family people see my good side.

    I can be negative at home and complain alot which definitely can effect my wife's attitude as well.

    I just want to change so bad and have been asking GOD and Jesus to help me overcome my ways. Like I said generally I am a good person but dont show that to my wife. I love my wife and when we are both happy our relationship is happy.

    I need to Christ to lighten my heart a bit.

    I just realized I think I made this post in the wrong section. Mods you can move it if you like.

    Peace.
    I'm astounded, bewildered, confused, baffled when people tell me there are 75 million people in America that are filled with the Holy Ghost and we're the most rotten nation on earth. "Leonard Ravenhill"

  • #2
    I am pretty sure we all go through some low points in our lives. I have even heard it descibed as depression but I have a hard time calling it that myself. It seems that our wives really do get the brunt of our anger.

    My wife has told me many times that she gets all my bad side and I can just turn the frustration off when we are around others.

    When I am at my lowest I truley believe it is because I am neglecting my alone time with the Lord. It seems that everything just gets so busy and I'm trying to take care of so much that I can't take time to just rest in the Lord.

    It reminds me of a story:

    God gave a guy a rock and asked him to carry it to the top of a mountain. The guy said "no problem" because the rock was not heavy and he could carry it easily.
    Before long he crossed paths with a woman that was carrying a lot of rocks and told her that he would help her carry her load. He took a few of her rocks.
    A little further up the path he ran across a man that was overloaded with rocks and the man asked him to help him so he took on a couple more rocks.
    It wasn't long and he ran across another traveller that needed his help and he added a couple more rocks onto his load.
    Then the guy started getting very tired and weary from the journey and the weight. He became very angry at God and started asking "why have you asked me to do this? I cannot bear this burden." God simply told him to drop all the other rocks. God only gave him one rock (one task) and he had taken the others on himself.

    To me the moral of the story is that God will not put more on us than we can bear. We on the other hand do not know our own limits.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Prodigy View Post
      I consider myself a pretty easy going guy and gets along well with others. I can easily adapt to ones personality especially at work, never once in my life I had a fight or a agruement with a co-worker.

      But at the homestead its a different story my wife and I have been argueing alot lately, pretty much over stupid things. I tend to lose my patience easily with my wife then get angry. Then I get mad at myself because my wife is a very loving woman who just wants to be happy but for some reason I show her my bad side, while outside of the my family people see my good side.

      I can be negative at home and complain alot which definitely can effect my wife's attitude as well.

      I just want to change so bad and have been asking GOD and Jesus to help me overcome my ways. Like I said generally I am a good person but dont show that to my wife. I love my wife and when we are both happy our relationship is happy.

      I need to Christ to lighten my heart a bit.

      I just realized I think I made this post in the wrong section. Mods you can move it if you like.

      Peace.
      There are times when my wife will be angry with someone, and then she will take that anger out on me.
      I asked her why are you taking your anger out on me?
      She said, because I love her, and I will forgive her.

      Often times when we have done something wrong, we soon feel bad about what we have said or done. We look for forgiveness as soon as we can, to clear our conscious. Those colleagues at work will not always understand, and be so forgiving, so we would avoid that problem as much as we can.

      I don't say that this is the right thing to do, but it is (or can be) what often happens. I don't think it right that we inflict our loved ones, for our own sakes.

      Have you spoken with your wife about this, and told her how you feel about what you are doing?
      Do you help her to inderstand what is happening. Do you let her know that it is you, and not her that is the problem. Do you ask her to forgive you.

      If you want her to understand you, and accept your faults, do you understand her, and accept her faults?
      You ask God to help you correct your faults, but you should be willing to overlook the faults of others

      Comment


      • #4
        Meditate on the Lord and continually ask that He give you patience in all the trials of each day. I can tell you that I've let anger get way too strong a hold of me in the past and it definitely effects people.
        Jeremy, a bondservant of the Lord.

        Today is a good day to die for Christ.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Prodigy,

          I have suffered from the same problem with my anger as you and I feel that it is not acceptable. I also get along with most people and consider myself for the most part easy going, but I get unreasonably angry and rage. I loathe this about myself and for many months now I have gone to the lord in prayer about it. First he made me aware of how bad it is and that I could, one day in the future, lose my husband because of it, or at the very least make his life miserable, and why would I want to do that to someone I love? Then when I prayed more he showed me some of the triggers for my anger. In my case it was a learned reaction from my childhood. After that God showed me some small techniques on how to calm down my anger... by leading me to sites on the internet. My own anger comes from either impatience or from deferred emotion. For example, if I was scared I got angry, if I was upset I got angry... the only emotion I felt safe to express was anger. So when I was impatient he taught me how to focus on my breathing and also to start out the day pretending I had all the time in the world, which ebates the impatient feelings I get... I also started feeling my true emotions and, although I felt really embarrassed about it, at least I wasn't angry.
          Each day I bring my problem to the Lord. But I have noted what you said about being a basically good person who just takes things out on your wife, and I really think that you are still in denial a bit. How can a good person do that to someone they love? I speak for myself in this as well. I had to realise that I was not good all the other time and just horrible to my husband. I had to realise that it was only with my husband, who made me feel safe enough to express my true feelings, that I could reveal the truly nasty person that I was. The first step to changing your problem is to realise how horrible you really are! I did, and then I could really accept that I had an anger problem, just like an alcoholic has a drinking problem and I needed to throw myself on the mercy of the Lord, because He love us! Never forget that!!! It's probable that my anger problem is much worse than yours, however there are still things you can do.
          1: Find out what makes you angry. Express it
          2: Find out ways to deal with that anger instead of getting angry.
          3: Tell your wife that you realise you have a problem and how you are going about fixing it. This will help her to feel more that you care about her and she might help you and support you in your efforts.
          4: Always pray about it. God alone can keep us from sinning. There is no good in us but God. Rest in the faith that he will fulfill his work in you.
          5: Realise that you have a problem that could have very unpleasant and unforseen consequences, like making your wife miserable....
          I really wish you the best and if I've sounded too over the top about it, it's only because my own anger problem is very bad.
          At present I am on holiday and have had barely any anger, so I am now aware, praise God! that my anger is due mainly to stress and pressure. But I know God is helping me and it will improve every day.
          God bless you!

          Comment


          • #6
            I posted this in another thread as well perhaps mistaking it for this one but I think it fits there as well
            Thankfully, I have been much improved, in comparison to my old self, in quenching my temper. It has not been easy nor of my own doing. My anger and controlling nature had been a thorn in my relationships with others most of my life. I never had bad intentions nor meant to cause anyone hurt or harm, still that usually seemed to be the end result.
            For me it came to realizing that I did not truly know love. Love for your neighbor, brother. My feelings and how I cared about those close to me were earnest, but the way I loved them was of my own thinking in that I only seen what MY ideas of what they needed and what was best for them. I had to admit that I did not know and pray for a change in my heart and to know love as God would have me know it. Also learn to trust that God is working in others and knows what they need more than I ever will.
            Years ago I went to an anger management class and the Counselor who led the class was also a counselor and Pastor. He admitted even he had one area that he had trouble controlling himself, and that was in traffic. I think this can apply to most of us. That is the first place I made it a point to start my therapy. If someone is riding your tail, try pulling over and letting them by, or openly letting someone in line who may have cut you off if not. If behind someone off the pace, try looking through the back window into that persons world. I once did this and seen a young woman with two car seats in the car, another toddler buckled in and a cell phone in her ear and a baby bottle under her chin. I was only being kept from doing the legal speed limit and normally would have become upset. Instead I thought of a young family, the woman perhaps making plans with her husband on the phone for dinner that night after struggling with the kids all day...
            It took a lot of practice, and still does, but the main thing for me is keeping the Lord close always, and putting the needs and thoughts of others first. Wanting to make a change then asking for help and guidance constantly and being aware and mindful.
            Two other things I feel God led me to that helped me learn love better and keep Him close to me always, one was the letters of Paul in the NT, the other, Letters of Brother Lawrence (Nicholas Herman) and learning what he affectionately called, the Holy Habit.
            It is not an easy task changing a lifetime habit, but trusting and seeking God's presence can make it happen, for He has overcome the world.

            Peace

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Agatha View Post
              Hi Prodigy,

              I have suffered from the same problem with my anger as you and I feel that it is not acceptable. I also get along with most people and consider myself for the most part easy going, but I get unreasonably angry and rage. I loathe this about myself and for many months now I have gone to the lord in prayer about it. First he made me aware of how bad it is and that I could, one day in the future, lose my husband because of it, or at the very least make his life miserable, and why would I want to do that to someone I love? Then when I prayed more he showed me some of the triggers for my anger. In my case it was a learned reaction from my childhood. After that God showed me some small techniques on how to calm down my anger... by leading me to sites on the internet. My own anger comes from either impatience or from deferred emotion. For example, if I was scared I got angry, if I was upset I got angry... the only emotion I felt safe to express was anger. So when I was impatient he taught me how to focus on my breathing and also to start out the day pretending I had all the time in the world, which ebates the impatient feelings I get... I also started feeling my true emotions and, although I felt really embarrassed about it, at least I wasn't angry.
              Each day I bring my problem to the Lord. But I have noted what you said about being a basically good person who just takes things out on your wife, and I really think that you are still in denial a bit. How can a good person do that to someone they love? I speak for myself in this as well. I had to realise that I was not good all the other time and just horrible to my husband. I had to realise that it was only with my husband, who made me feel safe enough to express my true feelings, that I could reveal the truly nasty person that I was. The first step to changing your problem is to realise how horrible you really are! I did, and then I could really accept that I had an anger problem, just like an alcoholic has a drinking problem and I needed to throw myself on the mercy of the Lord, because He love us! Never forget that!!! It's probable that my anger problem is much worse than yours, however there are still things you can do.
              1: Find out what makes you angry. Express it
              2: Find out ways to deal with that anger instead of getting angry.
              3: Tell your wife that you realise you have a problem and how you are going about fixing it. This will help her to feel more that you care about her and she might help you and support you in your efforts.
              4: Always pray about it. God alone can keep us from sinning. There is no good in us but God. Rest in the faith that he will fulfill his work in you.
              5: Realise that you have a problem that could have very unpleasant and unforseen consequences, like making your wife miserable....
              I really wish you the best and if I've sounded too over the top about it, it's only because my own anger problem is very bad.
              At present I am on holiday and have had barely any anger, so I am now aware, praise God! that my anger is due mainly to stress and pressure. But I know God is helping me and it will improve every day.
              God bless you!
              Not over the top at all, thank you for your response it brings some great insight and advice.
              I'm astounded, bewildered, confused, baffled when people tell me there are 75 million people in America that are filled with the Holy Ghost and we're the most rotten nation on earth. "Leonard Ravenhill"

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Prodigy View Post
                I consider myself a pretty easy going guy and gets along well with others. I can easily adapt to ones personality especially at work, never once in my life I had a fight or a agruement with a co-worker.

                But at the homestead its a different story my wife and I have been argueing alot lately, pretty much over stupid things. I tend to lose my patience easily with my wife then get angry. Then I get mad at myself because my wife is a very loving woman who just wants to be happy but for some reason I show her my bad side, while outside of the my family people see my good side.

                I can be negative at home and complain alot which definitely can effect my wife's attitude as well.

                I just want to change so bad and have been asking GOD and Jesus to help me overcome my ways. Like I said generally I am a good person but dont show that to my wife. I love my wife and when we are both happy our relationship is happy.

                I need to Christ to lighten my heart a bit.

                I just realized I think I made this post in the wrong section. Mods you can move it if you like.

                Peace.
                It might help to consider what Paul says here:

                (Gal 5:19-26 KJV) Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, {20} Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, {21} Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

                {22} But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, {23} Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. {24} And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. {25} If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. {26} Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

                Paul shows us that there are 2 ways we can live our life: the way that comes to us naturally because of sin or the way that is supernaturally empowered by the Spirit. We have the same choice presented to us that Joshua defined in the OT which is to either choose the way of life by the Spirit or the way of sin and death.

                At work it is unlikely that you would act like you do at home or else you would be in danger of losing your job. That provides a strong motivation for one to "get along" because it benefits you to do so. This however is still the flesh that is working - and we all have this ability to comply to a greater or lesser degree to evidence acceptable behavior. How we behave however may have nothing to do with what our true feelings/desires might be.

                The challenge however is what will you do when that motive is not your priority? This is where you are finding you succumb to sin without any struggle against it when you are not at work. And that is because you have not been strengthened in your inner man by the Spirit thru what you are able to practice when at work. The Lord is not as interested in HOW you behave outwardly as He is in what is going on in your heart. At work you have merely learned to hide your sin to make your old man look good - in your own eyes. Whereas the Lord wants to rid you of it.

                The key lies in not depending upon your fleshly motives at all, but upon what the Spirit instructs us to do. If the things which Paul lists in v19-21 are counteracted with the fruit listed in v22-26 we will find the power to abide in Christ in whatever circumstance we find ourselves. Fruit is what must be put into practice by our inner man - the one who is able to choose how he will behave. But that choice must be born of love for God and others, not the self-protection which comes from the old man.

                If love is your motive, fruit will come; and it will not matter what the circumstances may be trying to provoke you to do to get you to respond with sin. I think the problem lies in that we think we must first feel loving in order to act in a loving manner. But that is the reverse of what the Lord tells us. When we act out of love then our feelings fall in line and the result is that sin is not even an issue.

                Feelings of anger can be overcome by acts of love. I hope you will think on these things... see Phil 4:8. All of which comes by renewing our minds by trusting in what the word of God instructs us to do.
                Robin

                Truth is so obscure in these times and falsehood so established that, unless one loves the truth, he cannot know it. - Blaise Pascal
                And Jesus saith unto him [Thomas], I am the way the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. - John 14:6
                Discernment is not needed in things that differ, but in things that appear to be the same. - Miles Sanford
                Those who compromise with Christís enemies may be reckoned with them. - C.H. Spurgeon

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey bro,

                  Same thing happens to me from time to time. I noticed one thing however. You stated that you never argue with co-workers but then you come home and get into arguements with your wife.

                  Are you "swallowing" emotion at work? Maybe leaving issues unresolved? Those emotions never go away you know. At some point they'll bubble up to the surface in unpredictable ways. When my wife or I are stressed at work, it DEFINITELY plays a part in our interactions together.

                  Do you talk to her about how your day went? What's frustrating you at work? The challenges you are facing? Perhaps if she's your sympathetic ear you'd be less apt ot clash with her over little things.

                  Also, do you have any kind of stress release? A hobby? Regular exercise routine? It sounds like you might have a resevoire of energy to shed.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm laughing because as I'm reading what you wrote, I'm wondering "did I change usernames and write this in my sleep?"

                    I know EXACTLY what you are saying because I am the same way at times. I'm not ashamed to admit I've been going through this myself lately with my husband. It's called frustration. You don't have to write it here, but think about what it is in your home that's causing you to be frustrated. There is something and that something is what the enemy is using to cause strife. My Pastor just preached on this yesterday. He said "if there is a big hole between you and your wife, you must resolve it. You must pray effectively in the name of Christ telling God specifically what you need although he already knows what you need". Then he gave the following verses:

                    James 5:15-16
                    15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

                    John 16:23-24
                    23In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

                    To be honest, I believe the enemy is hard at work and trying to break up families and cause turmoil in the household. He is not to blame for everything because we make our own choices, but sometimes he presents things to us and we react on it.

                    I do have to tell you something awesome that happened to me the other night as I myself have been struggling as we all do. I was frustrated and left my home and went to the store. On the way home God really spoke to my heart about things and in my heart I was encouraged to go back home, talk to my family (which I do but I had to do it again) and then pray together as a family for God to bless our family and remove that which is trying to tear us apart (there are only 3 of us in our family). That was a bit difficult for me as I grew up reserved in this area. We prayed in our minds but never as a family at home. Sooooooo I did this. I went home, called my husband and child in the room and spoke to them telling them we must come together as a family as we weren't listening to each other. We must resolve our issues together and not allow the enemy to tear our family apart I knew was happening and we were allowing and they agreed. I have seen it happening in other families as well in my church as they were struggling too. Then I told them we must pray as a family to fight this. So we gathered in our living room that night and prayed for God to bless our family and remove that which was trying to tear us apart and to make us stronger in Christ. The next day we went to church (my hubby stayed home as he was sick) and I kid you not, much of what the Pastor said during his sermon was what I had said the night before! My daughter kept looking at me and saying "MOM! Can you believe this!" He then said "God is speaking you to" although I know he said it in general it was like he was saying it to me! I went home with such excitement and rattled off to my husband what he said. Then my daughter came home and did the same thing! What an awesome God we have!

                    So, I tell you...pray with your family each day asking God specifically to bring peace, love and joy into your home and to remove that which is trying to come between you. Pray effectively and specifically. It works!

                    Live your life in such a
                    way that, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says...

                    "Oh NO.... she's awake!"

                    ____________________________________________


                    Slug1: No, I have it so short I can't comb it to the side like before

                    cheechamia: ken...dear...honey...you have NO hair to comb on the side!!!
                    sigpic





                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It is thru prayer that the Lord allows us to see His hand at work and we are thus guided and encouraged in His ways. Awesome testimony Cheech!
                      Robin

                      Truth is so obscure in these times and falsehood so established that, unless one loves the truth, he cannot know it. - Blaise Pascal
                      And Jesus saith unto him [Thomas], I am the way the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. - John 14:6
                      Discernment is not needed in things that differ, but in things that appear to be the same. - Miles Sanford
                      Those who compromise with Christís enemies may be reckoned with them. - C.H. Spurgeon

                      Comment

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