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  • Marriage, divorce, and re-marriage.

    So my fiance is divorced, due to physical, mental, and emotional abuse etc. We have spoken, many times, about this and because she is a good person she feels horrible about the divorce, necessity or not. She is particularly hard on herself and feels that she is somehow in this unforgivable state, simply because she got a divorce. I have tried, citing various verses, that although divorce is wrong there is simply no such thing as being "unforgivable."

    She has asked me to start a thread on here to get some differing opinions and insight on this matter. I have tried to explain to her that divorce is a bad thing, but that it isn't something to ruin her salvation, but it's like she either filters out what I say, or ignores it altogether because her responses always make it seem like I didn't say anything.
    The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
    In the ranks of death ye will find him;
    His father's sword he hath girded on,
    And his wild harp slung behind him;
    "Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
    "Tho' all the world betray thee,
    One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
    One faithful harp shall praise thee!

  • #2
    As someone who has had multiple marriages before I was a Christian I'll tell you if we repent we are forgiven.

    As soon as I became a Christian I told the Lord I will not ever treat marriage as a casual thing ever again, and I haven't.
    The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23

    Comment


    • #3
      That's the thing, she doesn't treat it like a casual thing. She tried very hard to go to marriage counseling, despite the many things he did to her. Eventually the divorce proceeded because he met someone else while they were seperated. Without a doubt, she doesn't treat it casually.
      The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
      In the ranks of death ye will find him;
      His father's sword he hath girded on,
      And his wild harp slung behind him;
      "Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
      "Tho' all the world betray thee,
      One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
      One faithful harp shall praise thee!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Clavicula_Nox View Post
        That's the thing, she doesn't treat it like a casual thing. She tried very hard to go to marriage counseling, despite the many things he did to her. Eventually the divorce proceeded because he met someone else while they were seperated. Without a doubt, she doesn't treat it casually.
        I didn't mean to insinuate she did and I apologize if it sounded that way.

        I believe if she repented she was forgiven. Divorce is not pleasing to God. My second divorce was due to an abusive situation but I still repented.

        Some divorce may be beyond our control (such as abandomnent or adultry).
        The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23

        Comment


        • #5
          Well, Matthew 19 gives what is sometimes called the "Exemption clause," for adultery and I tried reading to her about a Christian's body being a Temple and to avoid and separate oneself from those who would destroy that temple.

          None of it means anything to her. I have tried telling her about repentance and forgiveness, and it doesn't even phase her. She continues on like I didn't say anything. She asks me for verses, scripture, or anything, and when I read word for word, she argues because it isn't what she wanted to hear, or because it doesn't say "Meagan, your divorce was okay." or anything like that.

          It's so frustrating.
          The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
          In the ranks of death ye will find him;
          His father's sword he hath girded on,
          And his wild harp slung behind him;
          "Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
          "Tho' all the world betray thee,
          One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
          One faithful harp shall praise thee!

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Clavicula_Nox View Post
            Well, Matthew 19 gives what is sometimes called the "Exemption clause," for adultery and I tried reading to her about a Christian's body being a Temple and to avoid and separate oneself from those who would destroy that temple.

            None of it means anything to her. I have tried telling her about repentance and forgiveness, and it doesn't even phase her. She continues on like I didn't say anything. She asks me for verses, scripture, or anything, and when I read word for word, she argues because it isn't what she wanted to hear, or because it doesn't say "Meagan, your divorce was okay." or anything like that.

            It's so frustrating.
            It sounds like it needs to be left between she and the Lord If nothing you say comforts her it may cause a rift between the two of you if you persist. The Lord will comfort her as He knows her heart.

            I'll keep this in prayer
            The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23

            Comment


            • #7
              My wife was divorced when I met her.

              She tells me she was 'getting ready for me'. I like that.

              Comment


              • #8
                That's really nice, buddy, Meagan thought so too.
                The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
                In the ranks of death ye will find him;
                His father's sword he hath girded on,
                And his wild harp slung behind him;
                "Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
                "Tho' all the world betray thee,
                One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
                One faithful harp shall praise thee!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I also have a failed marriage behind me. In my case it's because my ex refused to tell his parents that he'd married me, pulled the wedding ring off my finger when they turned up unexpectedly, and treated me very badly in other ways too.

                  It's obvious to me that God blessed my marriage with Neil, who I think of as my real husband... because he loved me, acknowledged me, and was a man instead of a boy.

                  Perhaps we have to admit that although some marriages fail, God can work with that failure, and never lets go. Remember David and Bathsheba. At one point Bathsheba was Uriah's wife, then after repentance she is described as David's wife. Look how God blessed that union... if God can raise a Solomon out of a relationship which started in sin, why can't He similarly bless survivors of divorce?

                  Pray for her to find God's peace, and trust Him to forgive... I will too.
                  Please could everyone pray for Mieke and Charles.

                  My testimony http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthr...ight=testimony

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hey man... tell her to read this from me... Ken... the stuffiest jerk on the board.

                    Philippians 3:13 *Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
                    14 *I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


                    It's past. Done. Doesn't matter now. Repent if you did stuff wrong to help bring it about... even do what David did and say you know God... if there was stuff deep down in me that I am not even aware... forgive me of that. Then be done with it. Let it go and you two get married already. It is getting old seeing you talk about your fiance!


                    Visit our new website
                    ! The Blog might interest some.. and Lord help me!!!... for those that twitter... there as well.

                    A.W. Tozer said,
                    "To escape the error of salvation by works we have fallen into the opposite error of salvation without obedience.

                    GO.... SERVE YOUR KING!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      In the N.T. there are some pretty specific verses that deal with divorce, but as many of us want to feel free to marry again even if things turn out wonderful (especially because we aren't being abused anymore) it doesn't make remarriage right.
                      If he was not saved and left her the Bible says she is not bound.
                      I don't know what that means and I don't think many do because it isn't expounded on. We could guess all we want to.
                      The Bible says if you marry a divorced woman you cause her to commit adultry. You can't repent of this because you will commit it again, so I don't know how this works either. When you are married to another man the OT says you can't ever go back to your first husband because that is adultry. There are lots of divorced women out here and they have remarried and I haven't met one yet that has said they were wrong to get remarried or asked for forgiveness for being sexually active or willing to stop. I suppose that the Matthew verses would go the same for a man who was divorced and then remarried.
                      If she feels burdened, then by all means let the Spirit speak to her. She has a burden to bear.
                      What she shouldn't do is feel she failed because she had a man who chose self over the righteousness of God and love for his wife. She should poor herself in the love of God and if your relationship in any way shape of form is not in uttmost righteousness and holiness, she is guilty.
                      Uriah was dead therefore nulifying the marriage to him, but Bathsheba paid with her first child dying. There is not an example of divorce that I know of, except the woman at the well and she had 5 husbands and lived with one and Jesus told her to stop living in sin. he never expounded.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        in todays society it is difficult to find someone that has not committed the sin of sexual immorality.

                        unless you marry as a vigin, never stray, and never divorce, you cannot escape that sin. unless of course your spouse dies. and if you do divorce, you can never have sex or re-marry. not many of us meet those standards.

                        Jesus said something to the affect that if you look upon someone with lust you have already committed adultery in you heart. i'm not really sure when attraction becomes lust, but i would never claim to not have looked upon someone with lust.

                        i do think if he was having sex outside the marriage, she might have a "loop hole."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          yes, Steve that is right, so as Romans 6 says -shall we continue in sin that grace may abound??? God forbid.
                          fornication and lusting are different than marriage.
                          I thought of something else. God divorced Isreal but took her back. He did it because of their idolotry.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Clavicula_Nox View Post
                            Well, Matthew 19 gives what is sometimes called the "Exemption clause," for adultery and I tried reading to her about a Christian's body being a Temple and to avoid and separate oneself from those who would destroy that temple.

                            None of it means anything to her. I have tried telling her about repentance and forgiveness, and it doesn't even phase her. She continues on like I didn't say anything. She asks me for verses, scripture, or anything, and when I read word for word, she argues because it isn't what she wanted to hear, or because it doesn't say "Meagan, your divorce was okay." or anything like that.

                            It's so frustrating.
                            Can I ask - who did the divorcing? Her or her ex?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by 9Marksfan View Post
                              Can I ask - who did the divorcing? Her or her ex?
                              She separated after he bashed her over the head with a chair, but tried for 3-4 months to seek marriage counseling. He was also court-ordered to attend some individual counseling, which he did not do, and after 2 or 3 sessions of marriage counseling, he quit that too. In the end, he filed for divorce and paid for it, but she separated from him, but she did so with the intention of working their problems out and staying together.

                              At the point he decided not to continue the marriage, he had already found someone else, whom he is married to now, and she does little things to harass us.

                              It is also important to note that he was not a Christian.
                              The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
                              In the ranks of death ye will find him;
                              His father's sword he hath girded on,
                              And his wild harp slung behind him;
                              "Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
                              "Tho' all the world betray thee,
                              One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
                              One faithful harp shall praise thee!

                              Comment

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