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Late pregnancy loss at 22 weeks - spiritual struggle

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  • Late pregnancy loss at 22 weeks - spiritual struggle

    Hi everyone,

    I'm new here and am having some spiritual struggles. Last week my husband and I made the decision to terminate our 22 week pregnancy because of numerous complications. Our baby girl was starving in the womb not getting the nutrients she needed to thrive which was causing her to have a growth restriction. In addition she was also diagnosed with an extremely rare and fatal bone abnormality. This was definitely a desired pregnancy and I am just devastated.

    Every day I feel like I'm getting better but this morning I just have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and no understanding. I keep asking why when I know that everything happens for a reason and that GOD knows whats best and is in control; it just hurts so bad. I sometimes feel like GOD didn't love us enough to allow our baby to make it and be healthy but I know that's not true...that's just me trying to rationalize why such a horrible thing happened to me and my husband. She was with us for so long, if she wasn't meant to make it why didn't she just miscarry early on? (just a rhetorical question I know no one has the answer to)

    My husband is phenomenal and I've tried to focus on our marriage and the love we have to get me through and it does help but we wanted that little girl so bad and I just don't understand. Having a family is so important to us and it scares me to think that our plan to have a family is not GODs plan for us. I just don't know what I would do. I am hurting, confused and so many other things, if anyone can please provide some words of encouragement I would really appreciate it.

  • #2
    I am certain, without a doubt, that because your baby was wanted, that the decision to terminate your pregnancy because she was fatally ill, was probably the most difficult thing you have ever had to do. For that, I am sorry.

    My only encouragement to you comes from the bible - 2 Samuel 12.

    King David and Bathsheba lost their first child. He only lived 7 days. The circumstances aren't pleasant to read about and I am NOT saying that your circumstances are the same, but that you and your husband share something in common with David and Bathsheba - a deceased infant.

    During those 7 days, David was very depressed. He wouldn't eat nor drink. He pleaded with God over and over and over for Him not to take his child. Once the baby had died, to everyone's confusion, David got up and the bible says that he started bathing again, eating again, and most important, worshipping in God's house again.

    People asked him why wasn't he in mourning for the child. He said, "While he was sick and dying, I was in mourning. Now that God has him, I won't mourn. He won't come to me again, but I will go to him someday."

    David knew that while the baby wouldn't be alive in this earth that he would be reunited with the child in God's presence someday.

    And the bible says that as David and Bathsheba spent the weeks and months comforting each other, that God gave them another child.

    So here's the only thing I know to say to you. Did you name the baby? If not, you need to. Call her by name when you talk about her. Years from now - you can say to your other children that they have another sister in heaven and her name is........

    She is with God - completely healed and completely whole. You will see her in Glory and she will not reject you.

    God did not do this to you. He doesn't have some cruel "checklist" that He goes through in heaven. He doesn't say, "Well, this person lied too much so they get cancer - and this person cheated on their spouse so they die in a car wreck." Too many Christians think that God keeps a record of wrongs on them. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs.

    He did allow this to happen. Trying to unravel that mystery of why will drive you crazy. So don't.

    Be like King David and Bathsheba. Comfort each other. Worship the Lord. Rejoice in the fact that you will be reunited with a completely whole and healed daughter someday. Let God take care of the rest......

    I bid you both much peace.....
    "'s your nickel"


    • #3
      I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered 2 miscarriages. They left me feeling sad and confused. It was as if a gift had been held out, just out of reach and then swept away. I know that God loves you and has a plan for you. I will pray for you to have peace.


      • #4
        Rest in the blessed hope that you will be reunited again someday!


        • #5
          I am praying for you and your beautiful baby girl, who is in Heaven now with our Lord. God Bless.
          "Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you..."
          Acts 26:16

          "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up..."
          daniel 3


          • #6
            I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I have not terminated a pregnancy, but i gave birth to a full term baby and no one knew there were problems and he died right after birth. So i can certainly relate to your grief and empty arms feeling and not understanding why such things happen.

            This however was over 10 years ago, and i have come to terms with it. Yes, God works things out for the best for all of us, even if it looks bad, there's always some good reason behind what God allows. For me it was that i needed to get back with God, and that's what that pregnancy and the loss of that baby accomplished. Through it all i came back seeking Him with a vengeance.

            I cannot propose to know what the reason behind your circumstances were/are that God allowed this, but you must not blame Him, because He will bless you again. Just hold fast to Him, and You will get through it all. The pain of losing a baby no matter at what stage will not go away but it will eventually fade.

            All you really can do is cling closer to Him, as perhaps He wants you to draw closer and show you something special. And it will be worth it.

            I can't really offer anything else than prayers and these words.

            Feel free to talk to me anytime if you need. Talking about things is certainly good, and don't be afraid talking to your Father about it, because i know He feels for you too.
            Just try not to fall into a complain mode, as that won't accomplish anything, but make you feel worse.

            Jer 6:16 Thus says the Lord: Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way lies; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.
            2Jn 1:9 Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God. Whoever abides in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.
            If it's not done out of unselfish love, then it's hardly righteous.