Discussion Marriage, divorce and remarriage

[Brendac]

Hi there

I have done my assignment on the above, however, the one thing that bothers me is that the Word says that one can only get divorced and be able to remarry in the case of fornication or rather adultery or if an unbeliever no longer wants to stay with the believing partner. However, what bothers me is what provision does the Word make for maybe a wife or a husband that is being contantly battered, or where the one partner is an alcoholic and abuses the other partner with constant belittling and cussing and swearing etc. Are we just supposed to pray for that partner and endure it because if we get divorced we cannot remarry? I mean it may be a women with four children who could not afford not to remarry! I know in Malachi 2:14 - 17 it says that a husband should treat the wife of his youth treacherously. We know that all divorce is basically a result of sin on one of the parties' sides and bearing this in mind I have spent hours looking up the word "porneia" (fornication) to see if there is some other meaning to that, but there isnt. I believe each case would have its own merits in this, however, I cannot find anything to substantiate this.

Comments please.

Thanks
Brenda

[Alaska]

1 Cor. 7:
39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.


Mark 10:
2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

The NT does not allow a divorce after the couple are living together as husband and wife.
By the above verses I see that promoting what God hates is heresy and that allowing divorce for adultery is heresy.

[Bethany67]

If I were the wife in the situation you describe, I would possibly separate from my husband if there was physical abuse, especially if there were children involved. It really would depend how bad it was and in what danger we were all in; I would see separation as a last resort. I can't think of any verses which address this point of an abusive husband, but common sense says go. Some might call that lack of faith, but I couldn't in all conscience advise a woman to keep herself and her children in a dangerous or deadly situation. I've been in a marital situation of extreme verbal abuse, and God made it clear He wanted me to stay and He would give me the strength to get through it (and He did).

But as I said in another thread last night, even if I left, I wouldn't initiate divorce and wouldn't remarry while my husband was still alive, even if he was a non-believer and/or adulterous.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 1 Cor 7:10-11

[crawfish]

I can't do this topic justice myself. But here is a few sermons on the topic by Rubel Shelley:

Rubel Shelly - "How Jesus Feels About Divorced People" (44:53)
Rubel Shelly - "How Churches Should Treat Divorced People" (45:14)

Essentially, he questions the traditional evangelical feelings about divorce and remarriage, and walks through scripture to do so. I think he's got an excellent point.

Here is a story he tells: A woman and her children are being beaten regularly by their husband and father. She finally gets up the nerve to leave him, and divorces him shortly after. The man never remarries, but he never admits to the damage he's done. The woman meets a very good, kind Christian man and marries him, and he is an excellent husband and father. In the eyes of their church, both the woman and her new husband are living in sin and should be disfellowshiped; only the first husband, unrepentant and violent, is living pure here. There is simply something wrong with that.

[Brother Mark]

Marriage is a covenant and we need to understand what it means to keep a covenant and to break a covenant.

Personally, when one is divorced for biblical reasons, I see no problem with marrying again.

[ServantofTruth]

The scripturethat the OP refers to as fornication, can be translated/ to mean marriages that were sinful in the first place. Meaning marrying a relative, listed as too close to marry. Your sister/ aunt for example.

IF this is the correct meaning, i am not knowledgeable enough to know, then all divorce is wrong from the Christian person's side - apart from error in the original joining.

I feel a few things are very important. Love and support needs to be shown be everyone involved, family, friends, church members, and even those just discussing it casually on web sites, who have no direct involvement.

Also the divorce and remarriage issues must be looked at totally seperately and always BIBLICALLY. It is no good saying we are seperated, i want to marry someone else, therefore divorce is alright. They are seperate issues.

To divorce, would put you back at square one - and Paul's comments on staying single for the kingdom would be wise to consider - as they would be for ALL single christians. I know how much a wife and children take my time away from doing God's work of spreading the gospel and helping those in need.

I just hope this topic remains a loving upbuilding discussion between brothers and sisters of Christ's family. But i am a .....




BIG SofTy

[Alaska]

Here is a story he tells: A woman and her children are being beaten regularly by their husband and father. She finally gets up the nerve to leave him, and divorces him shortly after. The man never remarries, but he never admits to the damage he's done. The woman meets a very good, kind Christian man and marries him, and he is an excellent husband and father. In the eyes of their church, both the woman and her new husband are living in sin and should be disfellowshiped; only the first husband, unrepentant and violent, is living pure here. There is simply something wrong with that.

Of course the man is not pure. He will give account to God for causing his wife to commit adultery as per Matt. 5:32.
The wife on the other hand has no right to take another wrong and make that a 'right'. She will be judged as will her 2nd husband for what Jesus defines as adultery. Mark 10:11,12. The marriage and the persons are 2 separate issues. The marriage itself is still holy, though the persons may not be, and that marriage is written in God's book as still valid because they are both still alive. Only death terminates a lawful marriage.
The curse really messed everything up. Jesus didn't come to throw out reality, but rather, in the sobering painfulness of it, He give us power to deny ourselves and stand for the truth even if that means living as a single person for the rest of our lives.

[Alaska]

But as I said in another thread last night, even if I left, I wouldn't initiate divorce and wouldn't remarry while my husband was still alive, even if he was a non-believer and/or adulterous.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 1 Cor 7:10-11

Now there's a gal that loves the truth if you ask me!!

[AngelAuthor]

But as I said in another thread last night, even if I left, I wouldn't initiate divorce and wouldn't remarry while my husband was still alive, even if he was a non-believer and/or adulterous.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 1 Cor 7:10-11

Beautiful, Bethany.

Perfect!

To the abused spouse in a situation where their life or that of their children is in danger. God never said you had to stay there and take that. God only said you can not divorce.

Leave. Get to safety. But you are still married to that person, no matter what a judge may say to the contrary. Pray for them (this is scriptural), pray for reconciliation with them, even if it takes the rest of your life.

Or until your spouse remarries or dies, therefore releasing you of your commitment.

[crawfish]

Well, I encourage you to listen to the sermons I referenced above. I once felt like much of you, and that the bible was pretty clear on the subject. But I heard a lesson two years ago that completely changed my mind by putting the subject in context; the author above is giving a very similar lesson.

Perhaps it won't change your mind like it did mine, but it's worth looking into IMO.

[Brendac]

Well, I encourage you to listen to the sermons I referenced above. I once felt like much of you, and that the bible was pretty clear on the subject. But I heard a lesson two years ago that completely changed my mind by putting the subject in context; the author above is giving a very similar lesson.

Perhaps it won't change your mind like it did mine, but it's worth looking into IMO.

We need to bear in mind that where sin abounds grace abounds much more! (Rom 5:20) - there is always forgiveness. However, I know that with God all things are possible and He can change the partner who is doing wrong. I mean we can just look a the life of Smith Wigglesworth and his wife. However, surely if we confess our sin, we are free to remarry as the slate is then wiped clean. How else then can we explain pastors who get divorced (not always for adultery) and remarry and their ministries continue to be blessed and flourish? Could the adultery also mean putting things before your wife and your family, be it your job, your ministry etc?

Brenda

[Oma]

If I were the wife in the situation you describe, I would possibly separate from my husband if there was physical abuse, especially if there were children involved. It really would depend how bad it was and in what danger we were all in; I would see separation as a last resort. I can't think of any verses which address this point of an abusive husband, but common sense says go. Some might call that lack of faith, but I couldn't in all conscience advise a woman to keep herself and her children in a dangerous or deadly situation. I've been in a marital situation of extreme verbal abuse, and God made it clear He wanted me to stay and He would give me the strength to get through it (and He did).

I think the common sense part about leaving a phsically abusive husband would be based on the commandment not to commit murder. I think it would a wife's duty to protect herself and her children if they were in a deadly situation.
I commend you for staying with your husband.

[Oma]

We need to bear in mind that where sin abounds grace abounds much more! (Rom 5:20) - there is always forgiveness. However, I know that with God all things are possible and He can change the partner who is doing wrong. I mean we can just look a the life of Smith Wigglesworth and his wife. However, surely if we confess our sin, we are free to remarry as the slate is then wiped clean. How else then can we explain pastors who get divorced (not always for adultery) and remarry and their ministries continue to be blessed and flourish? Could the adultery also mean putting things before your wife and your family, be it your job, your ministry etc?

Brenda

But we can't do wrong deliberately and think "Oh well, There's always forgiveness"

1. Rom 6:15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.
   

A preacher's ministry continuing is no sign that the man is in favor with God.
Remember when Moses did wrong in smiting the rock instead of speaking to it as God had instructed him. Well the people still got water to drink. But God was displeased with Moses.
Mat 7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Mat 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

[amazzin]

But we can't do wrong deliberately and think "Oh well, There's always forgiveness"

1. Rom 6:15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.
   

A preacher's ministry continuing is no sign that the man is in favor with God.
Remember when Moses did wrong in smiting the rock instead of speaking to it as God had instructed him. Well the people still got water to drink. But God was displeased with Moses.
Mat 7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Mat 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Hello
For those of us who are older and visually impaired, can you pleas use a larger font?

[AngelAuthor]

How else then can we explain pastors who get divorced (not always for adultery) and remarry and their ministries continue to be blessed and flourish?

We can not expect that just because a certain Ministry flourishes, that God is behind it or the man running it. I'll name you a dozen people who preach contrary to God and make millions doing it.