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Am I overreacting?

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  • Am I overreacting?

    OK. So, here is the situation...The adults on my husband's side of the family draw names every year. (All the kids get gifts from everyone) We get a small gift (usually around a $30 gift) for the person whose name we drew. We don't keep it a secret as to whose name we get. So, everyone knows who got who every year. This year, I got my sister-in-law's name. This particular sister-in-law is very close to me and feels like a sister rather than an "in-law". So, I was happy to get her name. I also got her name last year. Last year, I got her a very good deal on one of those electric hairbrushes that make your hair straight as you brush it. The one I got usually costs around $75. But, I found it for $30 on Black Friday. Anyway, she seemed to really like it. Well, this year, I was looking forward to getting her a gift again. I truly enjoy trying to find something that really matches the person's personality and interests. I am the kind of person who tries to put a lot of thought into a gift instead of just grabbing the first thing I see. So, here is what happened...the very next morning after we drew names, my sister-in-law sends me a private message on Facebook saying, "I found something I really wanted online last night. It cost $30 and I went ahead and ordered it. So, don't worry about getting me a gift for Christmas. You can just pay me back the $30 and I will let you wrap it up for me to open then." OK, so at first, I was a little bewildered. Why would she do this? Does she think I am a horrible gift giver and that she would hate anything I bought for her? Did she secretly hate last year's gift and didn't want to tell me? It kind of hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything to her. I just went along with it and gave her the $30 to pay her back. But, now it has me a little upset that I will be "robbed" of getting to see her open a surprise gift on Christmas day. And it makes me feel a little hurt that she might not like my taste in gifts??? Am I overreacting to this? Should I be upset at all? Should she have asked me first before jumping in and ordering herself a gift from me? I don't know how to feel about this. I have said nothing to her at all about this. And I don't plan to. I just don't know how to feel about this? Opinions?

  • #2
    Re: Am I overreacting?

    Go along with it, ask her what's up if you want, and don't take it personally either way. Christmas 'surprise' is overrated.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Am I overreacting?

      I don't see what the sis-in-law did is a "big", certainly not worth raising an issue over it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Am I overreacting?

        A LOT of people [adults] do this now-a-days. People in my family find themselves doing it more and more often. It does take some of the surprise out of it, but then again it also takes away some of the stress of shopping. She didn't mean anything by that. I would just give her the $30 and play along with her.
        sigpic
        ".....it's your nickel"

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Am I overreacting?

          Well at least she got what she really wants. I know you're disappointed, but I wouldn't let it ruin your time with your family.
          I don't think she intended to hurt you.

          Jeanne
          Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and they (your children) will come back from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16-17
          --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you can discover He is the rock at the bottom

          All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained. Isaiah 14:27

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Am I overreacting?

            Giving gift cards is pretty much the same thing. You give them money (I.e. gift card) and they buy what they want with it.

            I don't think it's a big deal though it does take the fun out of giving a gift. My suggestion is to let it slide. She really liked what she got. You can even turn it around into a bonding experience if you wanted.
            "He's wild, you know. Not like a tame lion."
            C.S. Lewis, "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe."

            "Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years"
            "Sometimes the sky rains night after night, When will it clear?"

            "But our Hope endures the worst of conditions"
            "It's more than our optimism, Let the earth quake"
            "Our Hope is unchanged"
            "Our Hope Endures" Natalie Grant

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Am I overreacting?

              You just have to accept this ! And thank GOD for making it easier....... If it happens again..... Just wrap the 30$ in a little box and
              give it to her...... I have to say that was not nice of her to do this... She should have just accepted what she got. If she did not like
              it maybe she should just drop out of all of this. Give some excuse to if you want. ? That is no fun when you need to worry......
              Sorry about all of that ! Thank GOD any way. Just tell GOD how you feel and that your sorry.........
              Eph. 2:8
              For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
              9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Am I overreacting?

                But, now it has me a little upset that I will be "robbed" of getting to see her open a surprise gift on Christmas day. And it makes me feel a little hurt that she might not like my taste in gifts??? Am I overreacting to this? Should I be upset at all? Should she have asked me first before jumping in and ordering herself a gift from me? I don't know how to feel about this. I have said nothing to her at all about this. And I don't plan to. I just don't know how to feel about this? Opinions?

                As we go through life it is possible to encounter people who are not as sensitive or appreciative as we are. It is also possible to encounter people who are not as sensitive or appreciative about certain topics, issues, or events as we are. It can be a treat to find a person who has reciprocal sensitivity.

                I would have given her the check for $30 and then also given her a gift that I wanted to give. If her thoughts about Christmas gifts extend only to getting what she wants and letting you “off the hook”, then she is the one who misses out on the deeper level of gift giving.

                She can’t be faulted for a less fully developed level of sensitivity. She is where she is. I wouldn’t give her the gift in a group, but when you were alone with her so as to not embarrass her. This level of personal expression can also help her understand at a deeper level the value you place on her friendship.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Am I overreacting?

                  Originally posted by mom_of_four View Post
                  OK. So, here is the situation...The adults on my husband's side of the family draw names every year. (All the kids get gifts from everyone) We get a small gift (usually around a $30 gift) for the person whose name we drew. We don't keep it a secret as to whose name we get. So, everyone knows who got who every year. This year, I got my sister-in-law's name. This particular sister-in-law is very close to me and feels like a sister rather than an "in-law". So, I was happy to get her name. I also got her name last year. Last year, I got her a very good deal on one of those electric hairbrushes that make your hair straight as you brush it. The one I got usually costs around $75. But, I found it for $30 on Black Friday. Anyway, she seemed to really like it. Well, this year, I was looking forward to getting her a gift again. I truly enjoy trying to find something that really matches the person's personality and interests. I am the kind of person who tries to put a lot of thought into a gift instead of just grabbing the first thing I see. So, here is what happened...the very next morning after we drew names, my sister-in-law sends me a private message on Facebook saying, "I found something I really wanted online last night. It cost $30 and I went ahead and ordered it. So, don't worry about getting me a gift for Christmas. You can just pay me back the $30 and I will let you wrap it up for me to open then." OK, so at first, I was a little bewildered. Why would she do this? Does she think I am a horrible gift giver and that she would hate anything I bought for her? Did she secretly hate last year's gift and didn't want to tell me? It kind of hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything to her. I just went along with it and gave her the $30 to pay her back. But, now it has me a little upset that I will be "robbed" of getting to see her open a surprise gift on Christmas day. And it makes me feel a little hurt that she might not like my taste in gifts??? Am I overreacting to this? Should I be upset at all? Should she have asked me first before jumping in and ordering herself a gift from me? I don't know how to feel about this. I have said nothing to her at all about this. And I don't plan to. I just don't know how to feel about this? Opinions?
                  I think she was rude to do that. I think you would've been justified to say "Nope, I'm not doing that because that defeats the whole purpose of gift giving. I'm buying you a gift whether you like it or not. That's the fun part for me, and giving you $30 is no fun at all".

                  Comment

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