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Honoring your mother and father?

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  • Honoring your mother and father?

    How do you find a balance between honoring your mother and father and taking care of yourself? How do you define "honoring?" At what point do you realize that having a relationship with your mother or father is too mentally damaging? When you realize your relationship with a parent is too unhealthy, what do you do? How do you honor them?

  • #2
    Re: Honoring your mother and father?

    Love you mom and dad the way Jesus loves us. We may not always agree with our parents, but we can always share truth with a loving heart and help them with anything we have, whether its material things or our time.

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    • #3
      Re: Honoring your mother and father?

      Originally posted by journeyman View Post
      Love you mom and dad the way Jesus loves us. We may not always agree with our parents, but we can always share truth with a loving heart and help them with anything we have, whether its material things or our time.
      It's so much more than that. It's way beyond agreeing or disagreeing. My relationship with my mom is a toxic. Same for my siblings and her. When does helping become enabling? How do you honor someone who disrespects you? What if giving a person your time creates hardships for you? What if your 'helping' her is actually not good for her? Do you keep 'helping' even though it's harming her? How do you set the boundaries? Or are there no boundaries at all, even if what a parent wants isn't best for them? Should you continue giving them what they want?

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      • #4
        Re: Honoring your mother and father?

        I wouldn't give people anything that would hurt them, no matter what my relationship was to them. Generally, helping becomes enabling when the only reason people need help is that they're lazy.
        We can love people who disrespect us without being a doormat. Personally, I do what I can for people and if they're unhappy I can't do more then they'll have to be unhappy.

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        • #5
          Re: Honoring your mother and father?

          I'm not sure if what I have to offer here will help anyone.
          My brother-in-law speaks of his father and mother both in demeaning ways, does he love them, yes I am positive that he does.
          My brother-in-law has made it clear to me that the commandment to honor our parents only apply to good parents, and his were not good parents.

          My takeaway:
          My brother-in-law doesn't see or love his parents the way Jesus sees and loves them.
          My brother-in-law added words to God's commandment to honor our parent, he added the words (if they are/were good parents) he added those words just only to sooth his guilt.
          Don't seek too much knowledge. You just may be putting more weight on your shoulders than you're able to bare.
          Let God be the one to decide how quickly you grow

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          • #6
            Re: Honoring your mother and father?

            @ MousePad
            Discipline is Love, Punishment is vengeance.
            You will be the one who has to decide if you will punish or discipline.
            No matter what advice is offered to you here, none of it will validate on invalidate any decisions you have to make concerning your parents.

            It looks like it would benefit both you and your mom by practicing some tough-love and more importantly honest communication.

            Some examples of Jesus's tough-love and honest communication:
            Jesus told six thousand or more folks that He knows they were just following him for the free meals and or for the spectacular displays of miracles.
            ...Did Jesus love those six thousand plus people that He just rebuked with honest communication?
            I think He did.

            Jesus told James and John (the son's of thunder) that they knew not which spirit they speak from.
            ...Did Jesus love James and John before, during and after He rebuked them with honest communication ?
            I think He did.

            Jesus gave the harshest rebuke to Peter; get behind me satan !
            ...Did Jesus love Peter before, during and after that rebuke ?
            I think He did.

            I think Jesus --->honored<--- them with those rebukes.
            Just as our parents honored us with discipline when we trespassed while under their care.
            Discipline is an act of love, an high act of love.
            Don't seek too much knowledge. You just may be putting more weight on your shoulders than you're able to bare.
            Let God be the one to decide how quickly you grow

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            • #7
              Re: Honoring your mother and father?

              I apologize for my multiple post in sequence here, my excuse is the broken editing option here on these forums.

              One last thing that I'd like to add to my words here is; keeping forgiveness and an open line of communication in your heart between you and your parents will allow the Holy Spirit to heal any damage done by either you or your parents.
              Don't seek too much knowledge. You just may be putting more weight on your shoulders than you're able to bare.
              Let God be the one to decide how quickly you grow

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              • #8
                I'm a little late getting here but really wanted to respond as I was in a very toxic relationship with my mother for many years and only recently broke free. A good friend told me something that has made all the difference: yes, honor your father and mother but honor God more. If your relationship to a parent is negatively affecting your relationship with God then God must come first.

                "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. . ."—Matthew 10:37.

                If you get right down to it though, if we honor our father and mother we are honoring God. But there are circumstances when it's better to keep a safe distance from parents for the sake of our relationship with God.
                Last edited by pdun459; Nov 24th 2019, 08:23 PM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by MousePad View Post
                  How do you find a balance between honoring your mother and father and taking care of yourself? How do you define "honoring?" At what point do you realize that having a relationship with your mother or father is too mentally damaging? When you realize your relationship with a parent is too unhealthy, what do you do? How do you honor them?
                  When I was young and newly-committed to the Lord this was a real problem with me, and I'm not sure it's easy to figure out. My parents were both Christians from day one, and every week church attenders. They lived Christian, but my father rarely talked religion at home. I felt my father was more of a wanna be Christian than a real Christian.

                  I became in my teens what I felt my Dad was on the inside, but not what he was on the outside. I began to live the life of a profligate, until I realized how bad I had become and how much I had disappointed God, my father in heaven. When I returned to righteous living, I was disappointed in my earthly father, who I never thought was a true Christian on the inside.

                  At that stage of my life it was therefore difficult for me to "honor my father," even though that is what God wanted me to do. God understood, however, that the most important thing for me was to honor God above my parents, and to get my life right with Him. It has taken me years to soften my attitude towards my earthly father, because he never did change, positively, in a religious way. He remained the "Christian on the outside, and worldly on the inside."

                  But now I realize that we need to respect people for what they have, and let God deal with the things they don't have. Cursing the darkness accomplishes nothing. And now, after many, many years, I realize the goodness of my father in simply being an "outside Christian." That helped to convey the importance of religion, even if it is somewhat superficial. I really did benefit from my father's positive attributes. Hope this helps?

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