Behavior of children in public elementary schools

[servantsheart]

As a Para Ed. working in the public school system in an elementary school for the past five years I am deeply worried about the furture as a nation with the children we are serving every day.
Since God was removed from our public school system and He is not apart of most homes today...parents do not have the Biblical guide lines to bring their children up with Godly attitudes, good morals, good work ethics, accountability, trust worthyness, good manners, and the list goes on and on and on.
Don't get me wrong about what I am going to describe to you...I do enjoy being with children and helping them learn... And it is not to say that there are not 'good' parents in the world today.....BUT
I over see the children from kindergarten to fifth grade at breakfast and the kindergarten and first grade during lunch times. The rest of the day I am with one student one-on-one all day.
I try my best to correct with kindess but firmness when I see...The children during meal time not showing pliteness to teachers and staff, or to fellow students. They eat and talk at the same time with mouths filled with food, some try to touch the food of others (especially if someone brought their lunch and they have candy or sweets), they want to drink their milk right from the carton rather then using a straw, they don't use napkins to wipe their mouth or hands, when they hand you their tray they don't say, "thank you", if they spill something they simply expect you to clean it up and if you ask them to help they don't have the slightest idea about how to do it, they talk so loudly that the lights have to be blinked off and on to get their attention to ask them to talk quietly, the fifth graders make rude faces or comments if asked to lower their voices,...
In class they disrupt the entire class with antics, talking, wondering about the room, picking at other students, plainly telling you that you can not make them do their work, they don't complete home work assignments and return them, ....
Are you getting the idea that kids today are not being brought up at home and taught social skills, manners, politeness, responsibility, respect, how to care about their neighbor, how to dress for school or even the need for taking a bath and washing their hair, washing hands after using the restroom, how to drink from a water fountain without putting their whole mouth over it ( I have even seen a student spit in the water fountain),...
The children I see daily talk about things that you would not believe, they talk about TV shows I don't even watch or movies, they read anything they want to read ( providing they can read) and it is Not just the school who teaches reading...children depend on parents who read to them and listen to them read in order to succed, they carry cell phones, they listen to any and all kinds of music on their MP3 players, they have their own tV's in their rooms and computers, they are dropped off at the local mall to entertain themselves all day,...
And yet parents get upset if the school decides that a child has acted so badly at school that the school takes away a class trip or classroom party to help teach the child that they must behave ...this because we no longer have corpal punishment...let alone parents who would spank their own children at home and make them behave...
WHY ARE PARENTS TODAY NOT BRINGING UP THEIR OWN CHILDREN? Parents act like it is the schools job to teach and raise their children.
Am I the only older person working with children today and seeing our youth growing up and not being able to face the 'real' world as college students, working adults, and future parents.
PS my husband was a principal for 14 years at an elementary school...he actually had a child in his office for correction and was trying to phone the parent when the child walked up behind him and put a pencil to the back of his neck and said, "Bang"!

[Duane Morse]

Parents are too caught up in the ways, means and demands of this society.

How many parents strive to keep one parent home with the children at all times? Not many, by far.
How many parents both have a time-demanding career, at the expense of their children. Too many, by far.

They pawn them off to others to raise them. And too often, they are not raised as they should be.


The Almighty Dollar!

It is the bane of a Capitalist society, where constant inflation rules the actions and motivations.

[daughter]

My son is twelve, I just read this to him, and he agrees with you.

Other children in his school have said, "you're so gay" because he always says thank you when he gets his food, and because he clears up after himself when he's eaten and brings the tray back to the kitchen. What has our society become when a simple "thankyou" and the act of tidying up after yourself becomes so unusual that people openly insult you because of it?

[Duane Morse]

It comes to -

I am more important than you - or any other.

It becomes, the society of 'self'.

It comes to -
Selfish is better than selfless.

"you're so gay" - because he is, simply, polite.

This world is going to a 'hell in a handbasket' - very quickly.

[DanceswithGod]

I am a teacher also. I student taught in public schools where I had a particular student who had two mommies at home. He threw things at me while I was teaching, jumped out of his seat to run around the room, called the other students names, etc. My teacher I was under said that I needed to get him back in his seat and move on as quickly as possible in order to get the lesson done. Sending him to the office just meant he wouldn't learn anything that day (as if he was learning while he was in there!). I was so frustrated at the end of that term!!!!

I ended up teaching in a private school my first year just by chance. When I moved to Texas, I planned on teaching public the second year we were here, but found myself bored staying home the first year, so started subbing in a Christian School. I could NOT believe the difference!!! I've been in Christian schools for six years now.

You can tell which parents discipline their children at home. (There are many Christian families that follow the same children raising standards as the rest of the world). If a child is disciplined at home, it usually only takes one note home from me for bad behavior, and then we have no problems the rest of the year. The others have a note sent home on a weekly if not daily basis, and the parents always have an excuse for them.

I have considered going back to public school in order to make more money, but I do not want my children in public school and I think I would end up hating my job everyday. I would probably choose some other type of work before I went back.

It's not only the parents fault though. These parents are mostly from my generation, and they are doing exactly what they were taught in school. You shouldn't spank--after all they might turn you in for child abuse!, it's ok for children to get angry and voice their feelings, we are just the product of evolution--so does it really matter in the end how we behave--survival of the fittest, right?, I am the most important person (in our efforts to build self-esteem, ofcourse). And the list goes on.

It is a sad fact, and a frightening insight to the future!

[Carmy]

I put my daughter in public school in 4th grade and there was a boy younger than her that would bully her every day after school. He hit her with sticks and left bruises, ripped her new backpack, spit on her and the backpack, put bugs in it and so on. I kept calling the school and threatened to call the police and then it finally stopped for a short time. The school put my daughter in his sister's class for the next year so now I home school. It isn't easy to home school and live on one income and buy books and I don't know how I'm going to do it for next year, but I see a difference in my daughter's behavior. She was acting out in school and her teacher told me that she could tell Cheyenne learned manners because when it suited her, she would use them. However, to be like the other kids, she wouldn't use them. She became rude and talked back and just wouldn't listen. It seemed like any punishment didn't work. When I first start to home school, she would throw fits and stuff for attention (She wanted to home school) and I would stop school and put her in her room and continue school when she was done. Of course the day took longer to finish so she quickly learned that throwing fits wasn't beneficail after all.

Now, I am starting to see the benefit of home schooling. She still tries her old stunts from time to time, but we actually get along better now. She leans on me instead of arguing with me as much. We have gotten closer and although we had to take a huge financial drop, I think it has been worth it in the end. It's a lot of work and sometimes I feel like I don't have a life of my own anymore but I know this is only for a season. It is all worth it in the long run.

[theteacherspet]

Believe me, it's not just in elementary school! My high school, which is Christian, isn't too bad, but I also do half of my classes at community college and there is a lot of rudeness, name calling, overt sexuality, no manners and more.

I'm also an au pair for a really nice family. The two youngest children, who aren't in school yet, are quite well behaved. They rarely need reminders to do their little chores or have problems with table manners, and the little girl (4) talks a lot about feelings and how she respects other peoples feelings and won't do things to hurt others, and how she wants the same treatment. They "get" the importance of manners, sharing, etc. However, the older child who is seven has gotten really difficult. She spits, sticks out her tongue, makes "body noises" to offend, swears under her breath, kicks her sister, lies and talks back almost constantly. Whenever she is told to do something she acts very exasperated and refuses to the point of laying on the floor. It's really hard to deal with especially because her parents are home so seldom and don't want to discipline her during the little amount of time they have with her, and the only discipline they want me to use is 2 minute time outs. I'm not for corporal punishment, but there is a lot more someone can do than have a child sit on a chair for two minutes. She doesn't even care, and she will say she doesn't care and doesn't mind the "punishment".

[servantsheart]

Oh, My!!

Oh, I thought I would feel better just getting all of this off of my chest. But it is even sadder than I expected to read all of your replies and understand that this truly is a problem that is nation wide.
And yes if a student is polite and helpful I have seen them get called names and made fun of too.
I spent a day in a Christian Montessorie (hope that is correct) school and I loved it. Everyone was nice and polite to each other. They of course prayed over their food before sitting down to lunch, etc.
Home schooling is very expensive but it sounds like it is worth the costly expense and the great effort and time it takes to homeschool your children. I admire you for doing it.
I know teachers who are fourth and fifth year teachers who hate their jobs and say they would never encourage a person to go into teaching in the public schools.
In my case my school is a smaller country school that is part of a consolidated school system with two other elementary buildings, the middle and high school are located on the same property.
Last week on our fild trip with the other three fourth grades (one building has two fourth grades), the bigger elementary school class children were more rude, more loud and mis-behaved worse on the bus than our smaller group from the 'country' school.
And you are right in saying that you can tell the difference between the Christian families who are truly practicing their religion with their children and those who only give mouth service to the Lord.
I feel for you (theteacherspet) with the child who is acting out. It could be the need to have more quality time with their parents or it could even be the symptoms of a behavior disorder....but the child knows the parents are not going to punish them after being away...they are playing you against the parents.
One of the special ed. children we have is now on medication --but the parents do not monitor her taking it and therefore sometime she goes the whole weekend without it..plus it saves them money on medication! She came in last Mon. without having her meds all weekend. She pushed two para's around the room, kicked one in the knee three times (same knee and it is her arthritic knee and she is wearing a brace on it and seeing the doctor), bit this same para twice (thankfully she had on a long sleeve shirt and it kept her from biting through the skin) and it left huge bite marks, and she shoved her into a door and got this para's shoulder out of place. She also spit at them and screamed terrible things and even threatened to get a gun and kill them. The other para has diabeties and was sick and still trying to help but the one who got the worse of it was trying to protect herself and the para who was sick.
We don't have a full time principal now that my husband retired last summer. The district is trying to save money...we need a full time Sp. Ed. director (ours is also part time...serves in another building part of the day like the principal).
This student started acting out on the bus and the driver had to call the school police officer to met her bus and ride it the rest of the way to school.
This is main streaming.......it has gone to far.....I don't know who or how to draw a line as to who should and should not be main streamed in Sp. Ed. but the public school system has it's hands full with the general ed. students let alone all of these with mental health problems of students that threaten and injur para's. We are not a hospital and we are not equipped to handle some of these extreme problems.
I have thought about trying to put together a couple of people to do a short skit and discuss manners. Even giving a 'manner's quiz, etc., to teach the children with. I don't know if the teachers would allow a little time for this or not or if it would help the students. Something has to give. It will probably be the loss of teachers and paras.
Daughter ---please tell your son how proud I am of him for following the Christian upbringing you have taught him with. It will pay off for him but not until much later. But he is planing a seed with the other students.
Thanks for all of your responses. Pat

[Duane Morse]

My oldest was home schooled for her first three years.
She is 11 (almost 12 now).
My youngest are 4 and 6.

My youngest were put into daycare just after Leah and I divorced.


Just tonight, Luana (my oldest) was telling me about how her sisters are getting into trouble at school because of their language (f word and...) and aggressiveness.


For years (~10), Leah and I made sure that one of us was home at all times.
We worked our work schedules to make sure of that.

The two little ones were not home-schooled at all.
And, I fear it shows.

Luana started in a private school shortly before our divorce, and the two little ones started daycare soon after.
And, I fear, it shows.

Now they are all in public, or pre-, schools.

And they are none better off for it.


Luana is an honor role student. She has reading comprehension skills of several grades higher. She is in the band playing clarinet (currently third-chair), and her worst 'swear word' is crap (which Leah tells them is OK to use).
The other two seem to be having more problems, propagated both from schools and mom's own foul language and behaviour.


I have not seen any of them for nearly two years, but I speak with them every week.
Hopefully I will get them out with me this summer.
And hopefully, I can influence them a little into a better direction.
The only trouble is, we live half a continent away, and I have very little contact or influence in their everyday lives.


But the point remains.
Children that have both parents agreeing and disciplining in the right way, raise children that are respectful, disciplined, and productive.

[servantsheart]

My oldest was home schooled for her first three years.
She is 11 (almost 12 now).
My youngest are 4 and 6.

My youngest were put into daycare just after Leah and I divorced.


Just tonight, Luana (my oldest) was telling me about how her sisters are getting into trouble at school because of their language (f word and...) and aggressiveness.


For years (~10), Leah and I made sure that one of us was home at all times.
We worked our work schedules to make sure of that.

The two little ones were not home-schooled at all.
And, I fear it shows.

Luana started in a private school shortly before our divorce, and the two little ones started daycare soon after.
And, I fear, it shows.

Now they are all in public, or pre-, schools.

And they are none better off for it.

I am deeply sorry for you and your family. After going through a divorce myself I saw how hard it was on our children and they were both older.
But thankfully God re-united us...we still have some problems but I truly felt that God wanted us to finish out our lives together and not apart.
Public Schools do try to correct the usage of bade language. And if I hear a student taking God's name in vain I always ask them not to. I tell them that God is my heavenly Father and I love Him and it hurt me to hear them using His name this way.
Mostly the children I have spoken to about his will say they are sorry and I usually don't hear them doing it again.
But the rudeness and down right mean attitudes towards their peers is disturbing.

Luana is an honor role student. She has reading comprehension skills of several grades higher. She is in the band playing clarinet (currently third-chair), and her worst 'swear word' is crap (which Leah tells them is OK to use).
The other two seem to be having more problems, propagated both from schools and mom's own foul language and behaviour.
Please continue to try to be there for your children in any way you possibly can. They need you and it means more to them then you can imagine. Write to them, email them, tell them anything and everything about yourself and your growing up/your life now but assure them they are deeply loved and missed. I can not image how hard it is for you since you live so far apart. Not to mention not being able to see them daily But you can pray for them Daily and let them know that you pray for them...even send them your written prayers for each of them...
Be sure they know you do not use bad language and expect them to clean up their language...and how much it hurts God to hear them speaking in un-godly ways.
I have not seen any of them for nearly two years, but I speak with them every week.
Hopefully I will get them out with me this summer.
And hopefully, I can influence them a little into a better direction.
The only trouble is, we live half a continent away, and I have very little contact or influence in their everyday lives.


But the point remains.
Children that have both parents agreeing and disciplining in the right way, raise children that are respectful, disciplined, and productive.

It is a continual work by both parents each and every day...God can help families over come so much if they love and trust in Him...May God bless you and lead you in reaching your children and helping to lift them up to God for His love and direction...for opening their eyes to what he needs them to see and sanctifying their ears to hear only his voice, and filling their hearts to overflow with a deep and abiding love for JESUS and their parents. Amen
Pat

[Duane Morse]

It is a continual work by both parents each and every day...God can help families over come so much if they love and trust in Him...May God bless you and lead you in reaching your children and helping to lift them up to God for His love and direction...for opening their eyes to what he needs them to see and sanctifying their ears to hear only his voice, and filling their hearts to overflow with a deep and abiding love for JESUS and their parents. Amen
Pat

Easier said, than done.

[Carmy]

Duane, nothing is impossible for God. I didn't know how I we could make it if I home school, nor did I know how I would be able to get supplies. I have most second hand books and hope and pray that God will provide for next year also. To me, that seemed like it would take a miracle, but it all came together. Although it's a little different situation, God is in control. Teach your children in the ways in which they must go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. (Paraphrased)

[Duane Morse]

Kinda hard to teach your children very much when they don't live with or have physical contact with you.

[menJesus]

Duane, nothing is impossible for God. (Paraphrased)

Duane? Dig your heels in and hang onto that!

[FaithfulSheep]

I am a younger teacher (this is my 4th year) and I see the same things. I work at an inner-city elementary school and see much of the same things you mentioned. Students interrupt the class, they yell, they throw things, they bully, they call each other horrible names... and why? Well, they are many times taught that is okay.

I have a child in my class, who we will call "Mary." Mary pushes the other kids and yells at them to get what she wants. One time I asked her why she did these things to other kids. She told me to get what she wants. I asked her if that was the right thing to do. She responded yes. So I followed that up with why is it okay to push others, hit them, and call them names? Her response... "That's what mamma told me to do." And yes, I truly believe that is what she was taught.

A lot of the kids in this school has seen more and been through more than I've ever been through in my life. (And they are just 8 and 9). Are they respectful? No. Are they kind to others (students and adults)? No. But you know, I've learned that with these kids, you can make a big difference.

I know that when I hug some of those kids, that's the only hug they will get all day. When I tell them what a great job they did, that may be the only praise they get all day. When they come to me to talk because someone was sent to jail the night before or stabbed or hit by a car or wrongfully arrested, I may be the only one they feel safe enough and comfortable enough around to let me know how they feel. It is in schools like this that we can make the greatest difference in this children's lives. I asked the Lord to place me in a school where I can make a difference, and He did. And though it is tough, I am so thankful He did.