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Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

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  • Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

    So I am struggling with this at the moment.

    My father has not really been there for me and is always letting me down. I made peace with this a long time ago and just kept my distance which is easy as he does not really bother with me. When my Grandfather passed away I did try to reconcile but in less than two months he went back to just not being there. I can go more into this if people want to know more but that is the jist of it.

    Fast forward, I have two children and thought they should know him etc and made an effort but again he just lets me down. For example, last year we had a part for my sons 4th birthday. He came brought a present and a card, then at xmas, he did not send anything to us, not even a card. Then in January, it was my other sons birthday and he didn't send anything for him. We christened our youngest 2 weeks ago and he came empty-handed again. He tried to apologize for not being around and not getting anything explaining that they were having money troubles (could still visit or send a card though right?). So i tried to say it was ok and move on even though I was upset to find out today he has just gone on holiday for a week abroad......

    Now I am not saying I want material things from him (I don't), just send a card and be part of the kids lives you know?

    To make matters worse my 4-year-old keeps asking why his grandad never visits and if he does not like him, it breaks my heart.

    Everything in me wants to tell him to just man up and be present or to just leave us alone and not contact us. I don't care how he treats me but my kids I do 200%

    All this is making it hard to honor him and I don't know what to do about it. Talking does not work and he will never change I don't think.

    I don't want to disobey God but I am really struggling to honor or respect him.

  • #2
    Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

    I know what you feel........ I am a mother - grand Mother..... now living with one of the sons, my husband passed away.

    He alway's took care of sending money at birthday and etc....... now I do not even know when the birthdays are for them.

    They have been out of State after getting married and we did visit a very few times.... to a son and daughter...

    But now I am in my 80's and its hard to know what and when. I am hoping that maybe this will give you an idea
    or a thought to think and try to figure out why that is going on in your life.......?!!!!
    Do you recognize his birthday's ? and etc..... ?
    Eph. 2:8
    For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
    9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.


    • #3
      Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

      Your problem is that you are wanting to honor a dishonorable father.

      Many people share that struggle.

      Here's what you DON'T have to do:
      • Like his behavior
      • Agree with him
      • Excuse him
      • Tolerate the yo-yo relationship
      • Tolerate the confusion he is causing your son
      • Worry and be anxious over the broken relationship

      Here's what you DO have to do:
      • Pray for him, for yourself, and for your son
      • When family speaks of him - stay away from gossiping and/or harmful remarks Walk away if you have to. Tell others that there are problems, but you will not speak ill of him as that does no good
      • Forgive him
      • Explain to your son in 4-year-old terms that Grandpa doesn't always make wise and good decision and that he needs prayer and then teach your son to pray
      • Explain to your 4-year-old son and YOURSELF that Grandpa's behavior isn't anyone's fault but Grandpa's
      • Try to understand that there may be things outside of your knowledge that made him this way
      • Remember Paul's words from Romans - "If possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceable with everyone.
      "'s your nickel"


      • #4
        Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

        It seems to me that the only reason he even comes around its because you honored him by trying to develop a relationship with him when he had no desire to develop a relationship. So all that's left to do is stop trying and let him go his merry little way.
        My daughter has dad like that. Fortunately for him she's a spitfire and pursues him in the name of Jesus. I think at this point, her only concern is for his soul and she's realizing she can't force it. He's goneto church with her quite a bit over the last 6 months but he is turning back to his addiction. She introduced him to Jesus, She prays for him, and she's there when he makes the effort, but I think she's done chasing a man that wants to be left to chase women and drugs.
        My point's not your job to make him want a relationship. And it is your job to protect your children. You can lay out the rules respectfully. Whatever you do, make him prove his heart felt desire for a relationship with you first by only allowing him access to you for a full year. If he's still wishy washy, determine if it's enough for you to allow him in you're life.
        Don't seek too much knowledge. You just may be putting more weight on your shoulders than you're able to bare. Let God be the one to decide how quickly you grow.


        • #5
          Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice


          I have always got him birthday/fathers/xmas cards. We also get presents on Xmas and bday.

          He never got his Xmas present this year as never came over so it is sat collecting dust.

          Must admit though I feel like not bothering now. Specially when my 4 yo seems to worry about it.

          My dad isn't getting forgetful in his age either, is still young (late fifties). He's never bothered at all really.


          • #6
            Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

            Thank you this is good advice and I am trying to do moat of that.

            The funny thing is I was at peace with the situation mostly but when it started to affect my kids it is now having quite and impact on me.

            I do need to teach my son how to pray but im.just learning that myself as quite new at this stuff still.


            • #7
              Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

              As far as praying goes, there's 2 ways to pray, one is just what's on you're heart. The other is according to God's will.
              Paul and John and Peter, in their epistles, express a great many ways to pray in accordance with God's will for us.
              Also, the disciples prayed to Jesus when they made a request. They asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. That request is am excellent starting pointin your prayer life.
              For many years I prayed and prayed but felt as though my prayers were just stopping at the ceiling. Then one day I asked the Lord to teach me how to pray. My prayer life changed drastically and so has my level of trust in Him. Now praying for His will to be done isn't quite so scary for me.
              Don't seek too much knowledge. You just may be putting more weight on your shoulders than you're able to bare. Let God be the one to decide how quickly you grow.


              • #8
                Re: Honor your father and Mother - Need Advice

                Originally posted by Belief View Post
                So I am struggling with this at the moment
                One problem with that, as far as Iím concerned is that as I am not perfect ( though hopefully growing gradually more like Jesus) I canít really expect other people to be perfect either.