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  • I don't know what to title this.

    I'm not going to be checking the boards much for a bit, at least not the heavy discussion ones!

    My cousin, a single mom, is being sued by her parents for custody of her son, on allegations of abuse and neglect. You don't need to hear all the reasons these are ridiculous, but there are a lot.

    If she loses at the hearing, she does NOT want her parents to have him. She knows we have been pursuing the idea of becoming foster parents, and she said outright, "I'd rather he go to you, than to them." We haven't responded one way or another. Who knows what will happen? Only God. And all he requires is that we be willing to follow him.

    Pray. For her parents and for her (R) and for her son (C) and for my husband Joe and me, Amber, because we may have some life-changing decisions coming up way sooner than we thought.

    I am writing a character reference for her, so her parents will soon have me as a target...I know it sounds paranoid, but I used to live with them and I know how they operate. And if we took in C, then who knows? Would they stalk us? Would they come to our house and try to gain entrance? These sounds ridiculous but considering the lengths they went to stalk their own daughter, I don't think it's farfetched.

    Just had a good conversation with my husband. We both agree that ideally, C would stay with R. And we both agree that if we took in C, it would be difficult - not only because we would suddenly be first-time parents of my cousin's kid, but because we would be the target of family drama. We haven't quite said "yes" though.

    As if that weren't enough, C's father still has visitation rights, and recently broke into R's apartment and stole her TV and computer. There's a lot more drama there too...

    Bottom line is, if we are willing to take in C, then we probably will have to - either temporarily or permanently. We will have to follow court's orders for when R is allowed to see him. I think her parents have no chance of winning this case against her, but they are wealthy and able to afford a good lawyer.

    Thanks for listening. I have so much on my mind, I'll come to the boards for things like Battle thread (haha) but probably won't comment much on other threads, even the ones I'm subscribed to.

  • #2
    Re: I don't know what to title this.

    Wow!

    Of course, if she has custody, and her parents are suing for custody, I would think it would take a court order for you and your husband to have custody. I'm no expert on this by any means (I'm not a lawyer, nor am I an actor that plays a lawyer, but I watch actors who play lawyers on Law & Order). I can't fathom that even if you and your husband agree that wouldn't give you any rights to custody. Again, I'm not expert. I can pray. I know how to do that.

    In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. - Rupertus Meldenius

    Read your Bible and pray every single day. - Pastor Jon Courson

    If your grace ain't greasier than a bucket full of chitlin's and gravy, you might be a legalist - an internet friend.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I don't know what to title this.

      Lol yeah, I know...I thought that too, but my mom went to a hearing for a friend in a similar situation, and the judge asked her friend with whom she wanted her kids to stay. I'm not saying they make the decision based on that, but from what R's lawyer says and what my mom saw in her friend's situation, the judge takes into account the mother's wishes. I don't know any of this stuff though, so at this point I'm just praying that whatever happens, we'll be willing and able to say, "Yes."

      I believe God's put me in this situation. Someone in our family told me on Easter, "R has defriended the whole family on Facebook!" Sure enough, I checked when I got home. Concerned, I reached out to her. She said I was the only person in all our extended family who bothered to ask her what was going on instead of listening to what her parents were saying about her. I was astonished when I found out how well she was doing. How many young single moms do you know who, when you ask "How are your finances," say, "Well, I had six months' worth of savings in the bank, but this case has eaten up three months' worth." Most young people her age have debt and no savings, even without having a kid!

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      • #4
        Re: I don't know what to title this.

        Well, the financial thing speaks well of her character. Six months is a lot to have put away. How many really have that put away? Not many - especially these days. I would think that's not typical of abusers and neglectors.

        In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. - Rupertus Meldenius

        Read your Bible and pray every single day. - Pastor Jon Courson

        If your grace ain't greasier than a bucket full of chitlin's and gravy, you might be a legalist - an internet friend.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I don't know what to title this.

          A very difficult situation indeed. You have my prayers.
          This IGNORE button is by far one of the most useful tools I've used to keep my peace while navigating through some of the madness.

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          • #6
            Re: I don't know what to title this.

            Been there, done that, be prepared for surprises.
            Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

            Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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            • #7
              Re: I don't know what to title this.

              Oh wow...yea, life's a drama so many times and the kids suffer for it.

              You know when I was a kid I wanted so much to 'grow up'...then when I finally did it was such a downer to find out having and adult body didn't mean people 'grew up'. They still acted like children...just with more power...:/

              I will be praying the Lord steps in and stops this whole thing on the dot! If not, that He guides things for what is best for this child...well maybe not the best..the best thing would be staying with his mother, but the next best thing...

              Praying for you, your husband and everyone involved in this.

              God bless
              "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I don't know what to title this.

                Prayers tonight for this youngster and his Mom.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I don't know what to title this.

                  I can't believe I forgot to mention the most important thing. I'm fairly certain she's not a believer (though grew up in the church). The reason I say that is, her parents are probably the strongest Christian figures in their church, community, and family. I mentioned Christ to her a few times and she didn't seem to bite; I'm sure that she isn't too fond of Him, since her parents are doing everything against her in his name. So it's highly likely that I am the only believer in her life right now.

                  Thank you for your prayers, feeling much calmer now (that and playing Minecraft).

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I don't know what to title this.

                    Originally posted by psyche643 View Post
                    I can't believe I forgot to mention the most important thing. I'm fairly certain she's not a believer (though grew up in the church). The reason I say that is, her parents are probably the strongest Christian figures in their church, community, and family. I mentioned Christ to her a few times and she didn't seem to bite; I'm sure that she isn't too fond of Him, since her parents are doing everything against her in his name. So it's highly likely that I am the only believer in her life right now.

                    Thank you for your prayers, feeling much calmer now (that and playing Minecraft).
                    Oh man...I hate it when people abuse Christ like this... That gives me some other things to pray for ...

                    Glad you are feeling calmer...

                    God bless
                    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I don't know what to title this.

                      Just now seeing this post. I am praying for the Lord's guidance and peace for all concerned. Please keep us posted

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                      • #12
                        Re: I don't know what to title this.

                        Keeping this in prayer
                        If one member suffers, all suffer together ESV, 1Co 12:26a

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I don't know what to title this.

                          I will be praying about this situation, and for all involved

                          blessings to you
                          My soul does GLORIFY the LORD, my spirit REJOICES in GOD MY SAVIOUR
                          ------
                          "To be entirely safe from the devils snares the man of God must be completely obedient to the Word of the Lord. The driver on the highway is safe, not when he reads the signs but when he obeys them." A.W.Tozer

                          The Lifehouse Skit

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                          • #14
                            Re: I don't know what to title this.

                            Little update.

                            The hearing is May 20.
                            My cousin, "R"s boyfriend "P" has a child with his ex-wife, and the ex-wife is petitioning for a restraining order against "R" for her kid. This is bad, because it's pretty easy to get a restraining order, and the court date for that is five days before the custody hearing for R's son. So if they get the restraining order, that will be more ammo against her.

                            I am super nervous right now, because R's mom (my aunt) just found out I've been in contact with R, and she left a message on my machine to call her. I am almost certain she doesn't know the extent of my involvement but I am super nervous and shaky. She can be really mean and she can make it sound holy. She is very manipulating and convincing and disarming. I called her back and left a message.

                            Joe and I have decided that if R is found unfit, and if the judge will allow C to stay with us, we will definitely take him in. We will go to the hearing with her.

                            I told my mom all this and she is a prayer warrior and is being a huge support.

                            Specific prayers:
                            • That my aunt and uncle would drop the lawsuit
                            • That R and her boyfriend P would come to Christ
                            • Protection from Satan acting against Joe and me through my relatives. I'm not worried for physical reasons, just emotional. And I know they will go so far as to stalk people. If we take in their grandson, I don't know what they might do. These are powerful people in their church and community, and they have a lot of money. They really intimidate me.

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                            • #15
                              Re: I don't know what to title this.

                              Reminder of the characters, so this makes more sense:

                              • R - my single-mother cousin
                              • C - her 5-year old son
                              • P - R's single-father boyfriend, who shares custody with his ex-wife,
                              • T - just filed for a restraining order against R, for the child shared by her and P
                              • My aunt/uncle, R's parents, trying to gain custody of C due to allegations of neglect, abuse, and allegations that R is using drugs.


                              After a fitful night where I could only sleep for a few hours because I was sick to the heart from all this, and praying and crying with sadness, I learned the next day that T decided to drop the restraining order petition, and instead is considering writing a character reference for R! Praise God for this change of heart.

                              Also, now that R's drug tests have all come back negative, her parents are trying a different tactic: an accusation of porn on her iPad they claim C was exposed to. However, she says she only had a couple "sexy pictures" she took for her boyfriend, and they were on her laptop (not the iPad) and password protected, and the "porn" claim only came up after her ex-husband broke into her apartment and stole the laptop (which he knows the password to.)

                              The words in my mind are, "So, HA!" but that's being a little premature. My aunt is angry with me for telling my mom, who told my grandma, who called one aunt, who called the other aunt...really, she just needs someone to be mad at. She's warning me that since I wrote a character reference, I am taking partial responsibility for the outcome. You bet I am! I want to say that I participated in keeping an innocent mother with her innocent child.

                              I do not believe my aunt and uncle will drop the lawsuit, and perhaps it's for the best, because if they did, it would be because they don't have enough evidence, and not because they believe she's innocent. This means they would continue looking for more evidence and other ways to hassle her legally (remember, they already brought a CPS case against her, which CPS said was unfounded, and closed.) So these are my specific prayers now:

                              • R and P to come to Christ
                              • Praise that T (P's ex-wife) has rescinded the restraining order petition, which would have worked against R at the custody hearing
                              • Me. I'm most likely the only Christian R is in contact with. God work through me for her.
                              • Protection for C, from all evil, whether evil from "good intentions" of my aunt and uncle, or evil straight from spiritual forces.

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