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In the gutter looking down on others

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  • In the gutter looking down on others

    well not literally but I was so convinced I "knew the way" that everyone else had to be wrong, especially "those" religious folk I came from the wrong side of the track and grew up surrounded by unbelievers. The only time I heard the name of Jesus was when I was in trouble or over-heard someone else talking or yelling. Ive heard it said a person thought their name was "Jesus Christ bobby" or put in any name you like, even denise. My only recollection of God in my childhood through my 20's was some people around me going to church. I remember not one soul telling me of Jesus though. I thought He was some guy that died on a cross all those years ago for those folks back then. I didn't have a clue He had anything to do with me. I believed there was someone, yes, someone that had created the beauty in the world, but when we continued to mess it up He finally left us to our own demise.

    So I learned about the "survival" techniques of the "world". Build a really strong wall between you and other folks so you won't get hurt, be tough, don't cry, live hard and fast because you may die tomorrow so party-hardy now. And in general, anything goes that you "feel" is ok. Make up your own principles, rules and sin??? Well, never was in my vocabulary. Now being nice to people was, but only if they treated me nice back. Otherwise dump them. That's how I was, especially with men in my life. I was married 6 years of my life but to 4 different men. After the 4th divorce I figured marriage just wasn't for me. Course I did not like just shacking up with men either. Somewhere somehow, God was reaching me on things. Calling me some might say.

    One day, during the day, I was "all in" living alone and frightened in a studio apt. in Portland Oregon. I had a good job at Intel but my life was broken. To the point I was curled up in the fetal position beside my tiny bed. I cried out for Jesus(I had actually attended some church with my X and something stuck with me, the seed had been planted unbeknownst to me. He heard my cry "Jesus, if you are real, please save me from myself". Within minutes I looked up to see the bible that someone had given me a couple Christmases before. Yep, it was dusty, never made any sense, just words. I reached for it and opened it. I never saw any bright lights or a rushing wind but I can tell you that that day, I knew without a doubt, Jesus was real and the Word of God opened up to me like a thirsty person barely making it to a desert oasis.

    For many years after that day in 1993, I have been a prodigal, wishy-washy, lukewarm, stubborn, rebellious and downright unbelieving towards Christ. But He has never let go of me. His Holy Spirit speaks to me gently and shows me all I have done to myself, and yes, been done to by others, is all about growing in Him. As down as I get, I always go running to the foot of the Cross. And I imagine myself sitting at His feet and listening to His beautiful voice.

    The last 2 years have been the worst and the best for me. I have never been more "disabled" in almost every way including physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have listened to the lies of satan, but never for long before I rebuke him and send him back where he belongs. I have grown so much in the Lord that I feel more and more an alien to this "fallen world" so I know I am on the right track. I know I need to be "in" the world serving the Lord and glorifying Him, but I am not to be "of" the world.

    Somewhere in my walk I read a book by Dr. Larry Crabb called "inside out". I learned that as long as I kept up that "wall of protection" I had built all those years before I knew Christ, had to be torn down. Or else I could not be hurt, true, but, I could not be open for love, and worse?? I could not go out from behind it to love others. And if I was not loving people, I was not loving God.

    44“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
    45“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

    I am also grateful that I will be learning the rest of my life as I would be very bored with knowing it all I learn something knew each day, and sometimes, I am blessed with learning more than one thing

    God bless you all and I pray that we meet on the road less travelled Your sister in Christ, denise

    I want to be home with my Father but pics like this one, make me pray that heaven will have some of this stuff too Not just Gold and fancy stuff for this country girl
    "Purple Dawn" by God

  • #2
    Thanks for sharing, OregonGrown.....It is just so awesome how Jesus comes quickly when we call on HIS Name!!!! I know all about a "hard heart." So, once again, I'm so glad we're in the Kingdom...Alleluia

    God Bless.....Let us keep on, diligently, with our walk for Christ..Amen
    John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that HE gave HIS only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in HIM should not perish, but have eternal life.

    My testimony:


    • #3
      What a beautiful picture created by Him! He is amazing and awsome!

      Thank you for sharing your testimony
      The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23