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When I was a child I grew up in a family where there was much abuse. It was so bad, that at the age of 12 I was ready to commit suicide. Then one day I was walking through a park when a tree nearly fell on top of me. It was so close that I felt it brush the back of my shirt. It was no small tree, and standing with my toes against the bark, I looked up into heaven to give God a message. I shouted “You missed.”
Now I knew that if God wanted me, he wouldn’t have missed. So I had to live out my life wondering why I was still here. At the age of 16 I was finally taken from my parents. I lived in a boys home for many years. While I was there I was tortured by another boy who only came in for a very short time. He went as far as to put a gun to my head, and I begged him to shoot me, but he didn’t. Again I was left to wonder why I am still here.
I had a mother who taught me how to steal, and I was constantly in trouble. It was a wonder I didn’t get shot breaking into someone’s house.
I was fortunate enough to be adopted by someone even though it wasn’t a binding adoption. This person was a single male. This person only had a God binding love towards me as he saw the pain I had suffered in life. This was about the only good thing that happened to me, as this person was bent on getting me closer to God. I could not because I was angry with God.
I grew up and started working, doing my own thing, which was filled with sin. I worked bridge construction at first, and finally quit when one day when I nearly fell 250 feet into a busy interstate below. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t allow myself to fall. I guess it was because I was more concerned about what would happen to the people below more than I was about myself. During the incident I also had a nail hit me in the chest right where my heart is located. It just happened to hit me in a rib instead of hitting my heart. Two chances to die, and I again missed them both.
I have a bad habit of falling asleep while I drive. I can’t count the times that I woke to barely missing a parked car on the side of the road, or some other obstruction. I wrecked two vehicles because of this. One time, had I not laid down into the seat, my head would have been crushed.
One time I was with some friends running amuck inside of a bridge that was being constructed. This was a huge bridge, and the frame was build with an internal structure so it could be accessed for inspection. Like a fool we were running as fast as we could in the dark interior and I nearly ran out the end of it where it was incomplete. I could have fallen to my death, but for some reason I was able to catch myself.
My friend who adopted me was able to reach my heart, and I did get closer to God eventually, and now I seem to understand that God will take me when he is ready. I have found myself doing the most extraordinary things. I went to Little Rock, Arkansas back when it was the “Murder Capital” of the US. I did much work with trying to get the gangs out of Little Rock. I made a great friend who was the brother of a gang member. He became a nurse, and got married, and has children now.
I also took on a project to put a roof on a widow’s house in Texas, right in the middle of Tornado Alley. I remember working so hard with the volunteers to get the job done. I managed to fall off her roof, onto the latter that fell out from under me. I hit the latter so hard that I flattened one of the aluminum rungs on it, and then bounced three feet into the air. Everyone came running up thinking I had destroyed my back. I rolled off the latter and assessed my damages, and realized I was able to move. I got up and sat on a bucket for about 30 minutes, then got right back up on her roof to finish the job. I was dedicated to completing this job, even after all the other volunteers had quit. By the second week I was by myself working to complete the task. It would start raining around 2am and I would get up, drive several miles to her house and make sure the plastic was good and secure. Remember, I said this was Tornado Alley? It would be raining and lighting so fierce, but I had no choice. I would not be the one to lose this fight to get the job done. I remember one time I stood up tall in the middle of a lighting storm and rose my hammer into the air and said a quick prayer to God. I said, “God, this is between you, me, and this roof. I say this roof wins.” It did. It took me another 3 weeks to finish that roof, and it never once leaked on the widow. When I was done, she was so grateful, she gave me her husband’s watch. I know it was expensive, and I didn’t do the job to get anything, but I wear this watch as a part of my heart. It’s like a badge of honor to me, and I earned it. I have had to fix it twice because it got broke going through metal detectors at work.
That was when I wrestled with God, and won. I will never forget that experience. I still have to wrestle from time to time with him, but I belong to him, and today I strive to do his will. I don’t get it right all the time, but with the help of his Word, I am able to stay in his grace, for he desires Mercy, not sacrifice. Oh, and I am still alive –in more ways than one.
One lesson that I had to learn is that "It rains on the good as well as the bad." God does what he can to correct the ones he loves, and though I am one of the loved ones, sometimes I am used in a situation where God is trying to correct someone else. It doesn't feel good when it happens, but I know he loves me, and today, that is good enough for me.
Now I knew that if God wanted me, he wouldn’t have missed. So I had to live out my life wondering why I was still here. At the age of 16 I was finally taken from my parents. I lived in a boys home for many years. While I was there I was tortured by another boy who only came in for a very short time. He went as far as to put a gun to my head, and I begged him to shoot me, but he didn’t. Again I was left to wonder why I am still here.
I had a mother who taught me how to steal, and I was constantly in trouble. It was a wonder I didn’t get shot breaking into someone’s house.
I was fortunate enough to be adopted by someone even though it wasn’t a binding adoption. This person was a single male. This person only had a God binding love towards me as he saw the pain I had suffered in life. This was about the only good thing that happened to me, as this person was bent on getting me closer to God. I could not because I was angry with God.
I grew up and started working, doing my own thing, which was filled with sin. I worked bridge construction at first, and finally quit when one day when I nearly fell 250 feet into a busy interstate below. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t allow myself to fall. I guess it was because I was more concerned about what would happen to the people below more than I was about myself. During the incident I also had a nail hit me in the chest right where my heart is located. It just happened to hit me in a rib instead of hitting my heart. Two chances to die, and I again missed them both.
I have a bad habit of falling asleep while I drive. I can’t count the times that I woke to barely missing a parked car on the side of the road, or some other obstruction. I wrecked two vehicles because of this. One time, had I not laid down into the seat, my head would have been crushed.
One time I was with some friends running amuck inside of a bridge that was being constructed. This was a huge bridge, and the frame was build with an internal structure so it could be accessed for inspection. Like a fool we were running as fast as we could in the dark interior and I nearly ran out the end of it where it was incomplete. I could have fallen to my death, but for some reason I was able to catch myself.
My friend who adopted me was able to reach my heart, and I did get closer to God eventually, and now I seem to understand that God will take me when he is ready. I have found myself doing the most extraordinary things. I went to Little Rock, Arkansas back when it was the “Murder Capital” of the US. I did much work with trying to get the gangs out of Little Rock. I made a great friend who was the brother of a gang member. He became a nurse, and got married, and has children now.
I also took on a project to put a roof on a widow’s house in Texas, right in the middle of Tornado Alley. I remember working so hard with the volunteers to get the job done. I managed to fall off her roof, onto the latter that fell out from under me. I hit the latter so hard that I flattened one of the aluminum rungs on it, and then bounced three feet into the air. Everyone came running up thinking I had destroyed my back. I rolled off the latter and assessed my damages, and realized I was able to move. I got up and sat on a bucket for about 30 minutes, then got right back up on her roof to finish the job. I was dedicated to completing this job, even after all the other volunteers had quit. By the second week I was by myself working to complete the task. It would start raining around 2am and I would get up, drive several miles to her house and make sure the plastic was good and secure. Remember, I said this was Tornado Alley? It would be raining and lighting so fierce, but I had no choice. I would not be the one to lose this fight to get the job done. I remember one time I stood up tall in the middle of a lighting storm and rose my hammer into the air and said a quick prayer to God. I said, “God, this is between you, me, and this roof. I say this roof wins.” It did. It took me another 3 weeks to finish that roof, and it never once leaked on the widow. When I was done, she was so grateful, she gave me her husband’s watch. I know it was expensive, and I didn’t do the job to get anything, but I wear this watch as a part of my heart. It’s like a badge of honor to me, and I earned it. I have had to fix it twice because it got broke going through metal detectors at work.
That was when I wrestled with God, and won. I will never forget that experience. I still have to wrestle from time to time with him, but I belong to him, and today I strive to do his will. I don’t get it right all the time, but with the help of his Word, I am able to stay in his grace, for he desires Mercy, not sacrifice. Oh, and I am still alive –in more ways than one.
One lesson that I had to learn is that "It rains on the good as well as the bad." God does what he can to correct the ones he loves, and though I am one of the loved ones, sometimes I am used in a situation where God is trying to correct someone else. It doesn't feel good when it happens, but I know he loves me, and today, that is good enough for me.
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