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  • Relief

    This is going to be kind of long. But I really wanted to share. Also I don't know if this is needed but...

    Trigger warning

    I was raised christian and attended church with my mother. She stopped going to church and stared drinking more. She always fought with me about everything and was very controlling. By 18, I paid God no thought. I considered myself agnostic. "Science" and society of the world told me he didn't exist so I believed them.

    At this point, I couldn't stand being in my house so I married someone I had been dating in high school. We moved away and had no money. He kept drinking, quit his job, wouldn't attend school, was addicted to porn and smoked marijuana behind my back. Then the abuse started. I vividly remember kneeling on the floor in our bedroom trying to protect our dog as he hit me over and over again on the back of my head and neck.

    I knew I had to get away from him, so I joined the military. I shipped off, went to boot camp and hid my location from him. At one point he found me and managed to get on base, but I made up an excuse as to why I couldn't spend time with him. When in reality I was just afraid. Eventually after years I got a divorce and was free from him. I spent more years in the military but was assaulted and raped by different people in the military. I remember waking up to a man on top of me, but I was so intoxicated I couldn't do anything. I then began to live a very sinful life.

    Eventually I met my now husband. He fought for me and I took my cases to court. The whole time I fought but was victim blamed and mentally abused by my supervisors for trying to bring to the surface the sexual assault issue in the military. Other women came to me and told me how they were silenced and how the same man that attacked me even attacked get before me. I got too a very low point. I was sent to inpatient mental health because I was suicidal and an alcoholic. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depressive disorder and anxiety. They allowed me to leave the military quietly. Soon after I found myself pregnant with my husband. After having my son I had severe post partum depression and ran away from home with my newborn. After I started getting treatment again I still had a hard time. One day my husband and I were fighting and I felt so hopeless. I wanted to die and run away and everything to disappear. When out of no where I felt this need to pray. This was unheard of to me. I was an unbeliever, why would I pray. But as soon as I did I felt this giant weight come off of my shoulders and I knew then that God would protect me. Ever since I've been a believer. I believe God called to me, there is no other explanation. Now everything in my life is better. My marriage, my mental health is getting better, everything. I am now reading the entire Bible from front to back by myself and I feel incredibly blessed and happy.

  • #2
    Re: Relief

    God is good!


    What does "trigger warning" mean?

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    • #3
      Re: Relief

      Originally posted by RabbiKnife View Post
      What does "trigger warning" mean?
      It means that you might be triggered by the content that follows. For example, if you suffer from PTSD and hear fire works, those fire works may 'trigger' memories of war, carnage, etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Relief

        I've always been told by people from different websites that I need to "alert" people before hand that my story may upset other people that have been abused or assaulted. I didn't know if I needed it here also or not, so I put it just in case.

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        • #5
          Re: Relief

          I'll leave that alone, then.

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          • #6
            Re: Relief

            Originally posted by Bashfulpanda View Post
            I've always been told by people from different websites that I need to "alert" people before hand that my story may upset other people that have been abused or assaulted. I didn't know if I needed it here also or not, so I put it just in case.
            The concern and forethought are appreciated

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            • #7
              Re: Relief

              Originally posted by Athanasius View Post
              The concern and forethought are appreciated
              Thank you so much! I'm very glad.

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              • #8
                Re: Relief

                Hello again, Amanda. In a sense, your testimony is "needed." Testimonies give glory to the Lord for what he's done in our lives. And that in turn, can inspire others who come on here lost, broken, and seeking. So thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for the pain and heartache you've endured, but thrilled for your victory, and that you're a lamb back in the flock of the Good Shepherd.

                When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

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