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  • Need Advice: is this love or what?

    right i think i am in love with two guys who are totaly different from each other. both of them havent got the best pasts but are both willing to change they come to my church, the first one is my brother's friend we have known eachother for 6 months and i have always liked him but he's going out with someone else the problem is that he keeps flirting with me telling me how good i look and how i am different from all the other girls he's met before, he gets jealous when he sees me talking to other guys and he sings love and gospel songs for me, the second one i have only known him for a week but he has this great personnality and keeps telling me how much he likes me infact we are king of going out but the problem is i think i love my brother's friend more that i like him though my brother's mate is going out with someone else. i dont know what to do anymore cuz i really like both of them and i dont want to break either of their hearts though my brother's mate has already broken my one! now what do i do?

  • #2
    Originally posted by vicky View Post
    right i think i am in love with two guys who are totaly different from each other. both of them havent got the best pasts but are both willing to change they come to my church, the first one is my brother's friend we have known eachother for 6 months and i have always liked him but he's going out with someone else the problem is that he keeps flirting with me telling me how good i look and how i am different from all the other girls he's met before, he gets jealous when he sees me talking to other guys and he sings love and gospel songs for me, the second one i have only known him for a week but he has this great personnality and keeps telling me how much he likes me infact we are king of going out but the problem is i think i love my brother's friend more that i like him though my brother's mate is going out with someone else. i dont know what to do anymore cuz i really like both of them and i dont want to break either of their hearts though my brother's mate has already broken my one! now what do i do?
    Six months and one week? I'm going to hazard a guess here - and paint a target on me - and say that I don't think you're in love with both of them... or either of them, for that matter.

    The first boy: dating someone else, flirting with you and telling you how different you are and gets jealous... Stay away. He might be your brothers friend, and knowing him for six months you may very well have feelings for him. But those feelings aren't love and with a boy like him you're only looking to get your heart broken.

    The second boy: your dating him, but you like your brothers friend more. Any way you end it, you're going to hurt this guy. You've already been hurt by the first guy, and if you end it with the second boy to be with the first, he'll hurt you even more.

    My question is this: why do you need to be in a relationship with either of these boys? Actually I have a second question: how old are you and they, if you don't mind me asking?

    Comment


    • #3
      i dont know!

      i just like both of them and i am 16 and they are both 17.


      Originally posted by Xel'Naga View Post
      Six months and one week? I'm going to hazard a guess here - and paint a target on me - and say that I don't think you're in love with both of them... or either of them, for that matter.

      The first boy: dating someone else, flirting with you and telling you how different you are and gets jealous... Stay away. He might be your brothers friend, and knowing him for six months you may very well have feelings for him. But those feelings aren't love and with a boy like him you're only looking to get your heart broken.

      The second boy: your dating him, but you like your brothers friend more. Any way you end it, you're going to hurt this guy. You've already been hurt by the first guy, and if you end it with the second boy to be with the first, he'll hurt you even more.

      My question is this: why do you need to be in a relationship with either of these boys? Actually I have a second question: how old are you and they, if you don't mind me asking?

      Comment


      • #4
        Personally I don't like going into the whole age band dating thing so I'm just going to say hold your horses, at least for a few weeks.

        And yes, I agree with Xel' that the first guy is not your best bet, although saying that, neither is a guy you've known for a week.

        I would give you just one piece of advice: Don't act on feelings alone, instead ask how much you would sacrifice for them. I've made many a bad decision (not just relationship based) by acting on feelings.
        He's charging into hell and bringing heaven with him!- Rob Bell

        "So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir" - Paul - Galations 4:7

        Comment


        • #5
          Sounds more like passing infatuation to me.

          Both scenarios sound like pain waiting to happen, IMO.

          I'm gonna go ahead and cast my lot with what Xel said.
          Jeremy, a bondservant of the Lord.

          Today is a good day to die for Christ.

          Comment


          • #6
            How can a 17 year old look after you if he cant yet look after himself? Dating is and should only be for marriage.
            "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
            -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

            "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

            Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Revinius View Post
              How can a 17 year old look after you if he cant yet look after himself? Dating is and should only be for marriage.
              Dating is for searching through the people you know for one that you can happily marry. Chances are, the first few will not result in marriage, but will help you to figure out who you are compatible with.

              Learning more about yourself via dating is a good thing, even if the relationships turn sour.

              However OP, it seems that both relationships you have with these boys are being taken far too seriously. You should not be stressing over these kids, or looking too much into them. Chances are, when you're old and grey, you won't even remember their names.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jane Lane View Post
                Learning more about yourself via dating is a good thing, even if the relationships turn sour.
                I feel i have to reiterate. Dating is for the ultimate goal of marriage. To date without the eventual goal of marriage is an act of disrespect towards those you are dating. It's running along a similar vein to those who 'move in' and/or 'sleep with' their gf/bf but arent prepared to commit to them. It is at best a mistake in knowing God's purpose for courtship, and at worst is deceitful and/or selfish.

                The emotions that are put into play when people court each other are for a purpose, to prepare them for becoming one flesh, to toy around with such emotion is asking for trouble.
                "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
                -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

                "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

                Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Jane Lane View Post
                  Dating is for searching through the people you know for one that you can happily marry. Chances are, the first few will not result in marriage, but will help you to figure out who you are compatible with.
                  That's a lie of the world, actually.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Revinius View Post
                    I feel i have to reiterate. Dating is for the ultimate goal of marriage. To date without the eventual goal of marriage is an act of disrespect towards those you are dating. It's running along a similar vein to those who 'move in' and/or 'sleep with' their gf/bf but arent prepared to commit to them. It is at best a mistake in knowing God's purpose for courtship, and at worst is deceitful and/or selfish.

                    The emotions that are put into play when people court each other are for a purpose, to prepare them for becoming one flesh, to toy around with such emotion is asking for trouble.
                    Dating IS for the ultimate goal of marriage, I agree. Each time a relationship is ended, you should be able to use what you have learned from that relationship to pick someone with which marriage would be more of a possibility, and also more wise.

                    Going out on a first date and thinking, "I definitely want to marry this person!" seems to be a precursor to divorce, which in my opinion, is much worse than pre-marital sex (though both are wrong). Dating many different people, even if it doesn't work out, is to me a good thing. If it helps educate you on what a good relationship should be, and aids in knowing when you've found the right person, it is positive.

                    Originally posted by Xel'Naga View Post
                    That's a lie of the world, actually.
                    Sounds as though someone is dealing with a blah relationship, and is repeating mistakes. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by vicky View Post
                      right i think i am in love with two guys who are totaly different from each other. both of them havent got the best pasts but are both willing to change they come to my church, the first one is my brother's friend we have known eachother for 6 months and i have always liked him but he's going out with someone else the problem is that he keeps flirting with me telling me how good i look and how i am different from all the other girls he's met before, he gets jealous when he sees me talking to other guys and he sings love and gospel songs for me, the second one i have only known him for a week but he has this great personnality and keeps telling me how much he likes me infact we are king of going out but the problem is i think i love my brother's friend more that i like him though my brother's mate is going out with someone else. i dont know what to do anymore cuz i really like both of them and i dont want to break either of their hearts though my brother's mate has already broken my one! now what do i do?
                      No, this is nowhere close to love. This is infatuation. Run FAR FAR away from the first guy. If he's involved with someone else and yet flirts with you, he is not trustworthy or faithful. If he gets jealous of guys talking to you when you're not even his girlfriend, he is controlling and insecure. Do NOT confuse his jealousy or flirting as love. Honestly, you are not ready for a relationship at this stage in your life. Your confusion over this situation is evidence that you just need to grow and mature on your own before you get involved emotionally and romantically with someone.

                      Not what you want to hear I'm sure. But it's the truth.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Xel'Naga View Post
                        That's a lie of the world, actually.
                        I agree. The way the world (and even Christians) use "dating" actually sets people up for divorce rather than long-term commitment.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Jane Lane View Post
                          Dating IS for the ultimate goal of marriage, I agree. Each time a relationship is ended, you should be able to use what you have learned from that relationship to pick someone with which marriage would be more of a possibility, and also more wise.

                          Going out on a first date and thinking, "I definitely want to marry this person!" seems to be a precursor to divorce, which in my opinion, is much worse than pre-marital sex (though both are wrong). Dating many different people, even if it doesn't work out, is to me a good thing. If it helps educate you on what a good relationship should be, and aids in knowing when you've found the right person, it is positive.
                          I think that is a lie of the world too. Think about where you are getting most of this stuff, society. Society says, 'go try before you buy', that i think is abhorent. To essentially go out and bounce off one guy/gal to the next in an attempt to climb up the dating experience ladder is a bit of a joke really. There is nothing biblical about that.

                          We should be going out with the deliberacy of finding a wife/husband and commiting ourselves to them. I will agree with you, this may not happen initially for whatever reason, but dating (and marriage) goes beyond the physical and is actually a communion of the couple, and between the couple and God. To pass off previous interactions as 'necessary experience in the dating game' would, given the character of God, probably not go down so well. There is something deeply spiritual that we as a society tend to treat kind of flippantly, and we should definately as Christians be wary of that.
                          "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
                          -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

                          "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

                          Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by *Hope* View Post
                            No, this is nowhere close to love. This is infatuation. Run FAR FAR away from the first guy. If he's involved with someone else and yet flirts with you, he is not trustworthy or faithful. If he gets jealous of guys talking to you when you're not even his girlfriend, he is controlling and insecure. Do NOT confuse his jealousy or flirting as love. Honestly, you are not ready for a relationship at this stage in your life. Your confusion over this situation is evidence that you just need to grow and mature on your own before you get involved emotionally and romantically with someone.

                            Not what you want to hear I'm sure. But it's the truth.
                            This is real wisdom and discernment. I would seriously listen to what this person is saying.

                            Infatuation and strong attraction are not love. Guys who flirt with you like these boys are more concerned with stroking their ego by getting you to like them than they are concerned about you. Don't trust your own emotions. Some of us haven't made enough mistakes to distrust our own feelings. Ask God to give you His wisdom.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Revinius View Post
                              I think that is a lie of the world too. Think about where you are getting most of this stuff, society. Society says, 'go try before you buy', that i think is abhorent. To essentially go out and bounce off one guy/gal to the next in an attempt to climb up the dating experience ladder is a bit of a joke really. There is nothing biblical about that.

                              We should be going out with the deliberacy of finding a wife/husband and commiting ourselves to them. I will agree with you, this may not happen initially for whatever reason, but dating (and marriage) goes beyond the physical and is actually a communion of the couple, and between the couple and God. To pass off previous interactions as 'necessary experience in the dating game' would, given the character of God, probably not go down so well. There is something deeply spiritual that we as a society tend to treat kind of flippantly, and we should definately as Christians be wary of that.
                              I can think of several examples, where my friends made "beginner's mistakes", and decided to date/become infatuated with a man when the relationships stood absolutely ZERO chance. The reason they went with/fell for them men was inexperience, after the relationships ended most (not all, sadly) were wiser and able to avoid future relationships that would have also been poor choices. They learned from their mistakes.

                              What is the harm in dating? I think that you should be hoping that the person you're romantic with will be the one, but you definitely should never expect them to be, until things reach that point.

                              Comment

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