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Liking someone too much, a problem?

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  • Liking someone too much, a problem?

    I think I have a problem when it comes to relationships - every guy I've been in love with or well close to that, I've been crazy about - I can't stop thinking about them, I want to talk to them all the time, it gets bad... I can't concentrate with work. How do you guys work when you like someone a lot?

    I figured the first time was cause it was my first love, the second - I don't know. Now again? I need to focus on work, but it's really hard...

    I appreciate your comments!

  • #2
    i've had the oppisit lots....

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    • #3
      you are young... and that feeling you have has not yet blossomed into true love. The feeling you have is infatuation which is quite common. Remember though, that true love comes when you are both committing to each other for life, anything less is not real love but an emotional attachment.
      "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
      -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

      "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

      Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

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      • #4
        jodest3, is the guy you're speaking of returning the feelings?
        ----------------------------------------------
        When the plain sense of Scripture make sense, seek no other sense.

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        • #5
          There's nothing wrong with feelings, but don't lean on them. In otherwords, don't let them get to you too much, focus on other things occasionally.
          He's charging into hell and bringing heaven with him!- Rob Bell

          "So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir" - Paul - Galations 4:7

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Literalist-Luke View Post
            jodest3, is the guy you're speaking of returning the feelings?
            It seems like he is, not sure if he's "in love" with me, but he is returning a lot.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Revinius View Post
              you are young... and that feeling you have has not yet blossomed into true love. The feeling you have is infatuation which is quite common. Remember though, that true love comes when you are both committing to each other for life, anything less is not real love but an emotional attachment.
              Ohhhhhh. Didn't know that.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Friend of Jesus View Post
                There's nothing wrong with feelings, but don't lean on them. In otherwords, don't let them get to you too much, focus on other things occasionally.
                Unfortunately, that's the problem!

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                • #9
                  jodest3, the reason it keeps on happening is because of where you want the relationship to wind up. This is probably going to sound a little “different”, and I’m going to try to express this accurately, but it is possible to be in control of your feelings, although it isn’t easy.

                  The reason that you’re finding yourself repeatedly enamored with whoever you’re attracted to is because you have made it a top priority in your life to have some sort of romantic relationship. That’s a choice that you have made. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that choice. After all, we were designed by God for romantic relationships, so long as they’re handled in the way that God intended, of course.

                  Because this is a priority for you, you’re going to automatically spend a lot of time dwelling on fulfilling/carrying out that priority.

                  Now, as you get to know a guy who you think might be OK, here’s where the change needs to occur. (This is hard to do, it takes a lot of self control and discipline.) When we start getting infatuated with somebody, it’s because we start envisioning a future with that person. We start playing out scenarios in our mind of how certain things might happen, like the moment when we declare our love for each other, or the first kiss, and so forth and so on. It is a natural tendency for us to imagine things like that happening with whoever this person is that we would like for it to happen with. Then, as we develop those thoughts and continue imagining just such a relationship taking place, we start wanting it very badly. Sometimes we even start obsessing with it and allow it to take over our thought life. (I’m speaking from experience here, just so you know.)

                  Then, we start trying to steer the relationship in that direction. If the other person goes along with it, then everything is good and well, and we hopefully “live happily ever after”, but if not, then we can be devastated over having to give up our dream of having that relationship with that person. Does that sound familiar?

                  This is especially true when we start seeing the value of our existence being fulfilled by the other person’s acceptance of us. We have to see ourselves as being capable of functioning without that other person to avoid “needing” them so desperately. It all comes down to how you envision your future playing out in your mind. Are you willing to envision a future without that other person? People who refuse to do so and wind up dependent on the other person’s presence in their life often wind up in an unhealthy relationship. Two independent people who choose to give the other additional personal fulfillment in their life is a very healthy relationship and is exactly what God intended for us. Two people who don’t know how they could live without the other is placing the other person ahead of God in our lives and can ultimately lead to an unhealthy relationship, in some extreme cases even leading to co-dependency.

                  So here’s the key: You HAVE to continue seeing yourself as a functioning independent person, even if you’re alone. As soon as those thoughts of needing the other person start appearing in your head, just put them aside and only allow yourself to envision your relationship with that person as merely friends. Or, even more powerfully, only allow yourself to envision that person as nothing more than a casual acquaintance. This will prevent you from starting to develop imaginings and dreams of where the relationship could wind up, only to have them dashed.

                  Now, I want to clarify, as long as you are not allowing yourself to start thinking of that person in a sexual way, but only a romantic way (and they are indeed different), then you are not sinning. There is a big gray area between them that we have to be careful of, but it is possible to be romantic without being lustful. I’m only mentioning that because a lot of Christians get paranoid anytime somebody starts talking about romance and they start sounding the “lust” alarm. Personally, I think they need to chill.


                  But anyway, to sum it up, the way for you to avoid having your feelings out of control as you have described is for you to envision life being OK if that person was completely gone. It all comes from your thought life – that’s the key. Your emotions follow your thought patterns, not vice versa. This is how you can be in control of your feelings.

                  I know, I know, this is not an easy thing to do. I know somebody right now who I would be very happy having a romance with, but she has made it very clear that she’s not ready for something like that, so I respect her wishes on the matter and in the meantime, I do not allow myself to sit around and start envisioning having any romantic connections with her. Some days I’m more successful than others, but it can be done.

                  You’ll be in my prayers.
                  ----------------------------------------------
                  When the plain sense of Scripture make sense, seek no other sense.

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