Please Help confused

[angelgrl166]

how do I tell my boyfriend I don't want to have s*x anymore. I feel guilty every time we did and I know its not right in God's eyes. He is a christian but he feels that its not a sin.So he always ends up talking me back into it again calling it "making love". One time we did stop almost commited to not doing it again and we got confused about how far is too far? We already broke up once and i feel i would die without him.I'ts so hard he always makes me feel like my ideas are wrong.. so basically
1) How do i tell him i want to stop?
2) How do i reply when he tries to justify it?
3) if we do stop how far is too far? Like just kissing and cuddling?
ASAP please!

[Athanasius]

Tell him that even if he doesn't think it's a sin (and it is) that he should respect you. If not, call it off completely.

[BrckBrln]

I don't know anything about your situation but you could always get married, that is, if you would 'die' without him (asuming he feels the same).

[Revinius]

I will combine what Xel and BrckBrln said and say: If he doesnt respect you enough to wait till marriage then he doesnt deserve you.

Also: If he is a Christian and doesnt think what the Bible calls fornication is a sin, then i am wondering whether he is actually strong for Christ... In the NT, the word pornea is used to describe all sexual sin outside of marriage. Such a word stands in the listings next to such traits as murder and cowardice and those who do so unrepentently 'stand condemned'. Your bf needs to treat this stuff seriously because his relationship in Christ is at stake, he needs to guard his salvation (and so do you).

[Literalist-Luke]

I will combine what Xel and BrckBrln said and say: If he doesnt respect you enough to wait till marriage then he doesnt deserve you.

Also: If he is a Christian and doesnt think what the Bible calls fornication is a sin, then i am wondering whether he is actually strong for Christ... In the NT, the word pornea is used to describe all sexual sin outside of marriage. Such a word stands in the listings next to such traits as murder and cowardice and those who do so unrepentently 'stand condemned'. Your bf needs to treat this stuff seriously because his relationship in Christ is at stake, he needs to guard his salvation (and so do you).

I totally second this.

[angelgrl166]

follow up

well i talked to him last night about this. He did respect my feelings but he told me we are in two different places in our spiritual walk. He just wants a temporary relationship and he doesnt want to think about marriage or further commitment what he thinks putting christ in the center of the relationship and commiting to purity. So I am crushed now

[Ayala]

Let him focus on putting Christ at the center of his life.

[Athanasius]

well i talked to him last night about this. He did respect my feelings but he told me we are in two different places in our spiritual walk. He just wants a temporary relationship and he doesnt want to think about marriage or further commitment what he thinks putting christ in the center of the relationship and commiting to purity. So I am crushed now

Time to leave him, then.

[Prayin_saint]

I want to tell you something, Beth. You are a beloved daughter of God. You are so precious to him and he loves you so much! He wants the best and highest good for you at all times. You feel a desire to be pure in his sight- and that is right in line with what he wants for you, too! I am so glad you want to follow him! And know that he is overjoyed when he sees you trying to walk that path!

Honey, my heart just broke for you when I read your posts. I can imagine how devestating that response from him must've been. You've trusted and invested in him, and your heart is so tied up in him, am I right? It's a beautiful and painful thing... I know what you mean when you talk about feeling like without him, you'll die. I feel that way about my boyfriend, too. But... I know it's not true. Life after a boyfriend that you feel so strongly about... is really, really hard. You and I both know that. But it's not impossible. Not with God. Sound cheesy? It feels a little cheesy to say, I admit. But it's still true. He loved you first, He loves you best and He'll love you longest.

I agree with Xel, it is time to let him go. Beth- you might've heard this before, but I really mean it- you deserve more. You deserve a man who is committed to God, to helping you stay pure before God... who will be committed to you and towards pursuing a marriage with you one day. A relationship like that is so beautiful, so incredible... and you deserve to be in one. And while this boy may be a great guy, but he is not in a place to be that guy for you. Let him go, honey. It'll hurt at first, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself, for your relationship with God and the future.

If you need me, I'm just a PM away, ok? I'm willing to help in any way that I can, dear sister.

With love,
Sarah

[Jane Lane]

This is off-topic, and I'm sorry for that, but I have been wondering this for some time.

Why do many posters here "censor" certain words? They're not even curse words, and they tend to only censor one letter, which really defeats the purpose of censoring anyway. When I read "s*x", it makes me mind linger on the word more than it would if written properly.

At any rate, time to get back on topic. It seems to me that the relationship is not a healthy one, especially if he doesn't have enough attachment to you to rule out the possibility of marriage this early. And he seems entirely unwilling to take your beliefs and needs seriously.

He doesn't seem to be the only one at blame for this, though. You come off as an unnecessarily needy person who is one to submit herself to a man (and I'm not talking sexually) completely, even putting him before God, so long as in return you can feel the familiar security of belonging to someone. That is self-destructive behavior (still not talking about the sex, this started long before that) and if you do someday want a meaningful and happy relationship, you will have to change.

No matter what some will say (even some Christians), you cannot blindly follow orders from your significant other just because he's the one with a penis. Relationships should be near-equal give and take, and you should respect one another's feelings, opinions, beliefs and boundaries.

Don't worry too much though. I'm positive that you're a strong person, you just need to figure it out yourself.

[Prayin_saint]

This is off-topic, and I'm sorry for that, but I have been wondering this for some time.

Why do many posters here "censor" certain words? They're not even curse words, and they tend to only censor one letter, which really defeats the purpose of censoring anyway. When I read "s*x", it makes me mind linger on the word more than it would if written properly.

It's so that search engines don't pick up on our forum as easily- people who are searching for 'key words' like that have, in the past, come here and decided to cause havoc as a "troll" or posting spam or p*rn that the mods have to rush around and take care of. It makes their job alot easier and keeps the board a safe, clean, uncluttered place for the rest of us. Good question, though, Jane!

[angelgrl166]

thank you everyone. for all the answers. I am pretty sure the right thing to do is to break it off. We have broken up before as i said early so its going to be extra hard this time. I guess i just want to be in relationship to have a relationship. This is not fair to me or him. We both want different things and if he doesn't want to help me pursue God I think i need to find someone else. But as the last post said, I do have self esteem problems and I am looking for love in wrong places. I have had previous bad relationship and thought this guy would be different. I don't think it is fair he didn't tell me his expectations at the beginning of the relationship...I kind of feel used. I know that I should not care about how this affects me now and i should look at the big picture and God's will. I am human though and selfish...It hurts so much. But hopefully with God's help I will change..

[Jane Lane]

thank you everyone. for all the answers. I am pretty sure the right thing to do is to break it off. We have broken up before as i said early so its going to be extra hard this time. I guess i just want to be in relationship to have a relationship. This is not fair to me or him. We both want different things and if he doesn't want to help me pursue God I think i need to find someone else. But as the last post said, I do have self esteem problems and I am looking for love in wrong places. I have had previous bad relationship and thought this guy would be different. I don't think it is fair he didn't tell me his expectations at the beginning of the relationship...I kind of feel used. I know that I should not care about how this affects me now and i should look at the big picture and God's will. I am human though and selfish...It hurts so much. But hopefully with God's help I will change..

Good for you!

That's the first step, you can do this. Remember that God helps those that help themselves, because He wants you to learn of how strong you truly are.

I wish you well, and remember that God is with you at all times, if you need him.

[Athanasius]

That's the first step, you can do this. Remember that God helps those that help themselves

You know... Actually, chapter and verse, please? Where in the Bible does it say - or I'll even take 'suggest' - that God will help those who help themselves

[Jane Lane]

You know... Actually, chapter and verse, please? Where in the Bible does it say - or I'll even take 'suggest' - that God will help those who help themselves

Sorry, I thought that was common sense.