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  • Get Married Young

    I was wondering how people feel on the issue. In our current culture, it seems that marriage is a taboo subject until you are finished with college, have a booming career, buying a house, etc. But what if you want to get married during school? Before you get any kind of career. I know it would be tough to manage college and marriage, but I think that even if you did wait till after college, marriage would still have other hardships. So, how do you guys feel about getting married young?

  • #2
    In a culture where divorce is considered as normal as getting a McDonald's hamburger, I can tell you as an unwilling divorcee that getting married before you're mature enough to understand what you're getting yourself into would be the most serious mistake you could ever make, short of rejecting Jesus as your Savior.
    ----------------------------------------------
    When the plain sense of Scripture make sense, seek no other sense.

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    • #3
      But Luke, our culture tells us to get married late (and that's with the divorce rates). The Bible on the other hand clearly features young marriages. The question is not so much how young you are, but how willing you are to dedicate yourself to that person. Because our cotton ball culture endeavours to prevent kids from growing up early we consequently are left with a culture of 20-something year old boys.

      The question then ends up, not so much being whether getting married young is appropriate, but how to make MEN out of the irresponsible 'boys' of our society thus equiping them for marriage.

      I know plenty of strong Christian men who got married a couple of years out of highschool, and they are still going strong many years later. I dont mean to beat down on men, but because they are the source of spiritual leadership in the relationship, they are usually a major source of downfall in the relationship if they fail to 'man up' and be responsible/accountable. The sin of Adam in the garden has many lessons for todays youth in that his failure to act responsibile and be accountable for the sins of both himself and his wife is a primary cause of them getting kicked out of the garden.

      Anyway, too late at night here to continue ranting. But just wanted to highlight the root cause of the so-called 'problem with getting married young'.
      "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
      -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

      "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

      Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

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      • #4
        From a Christian perspective it's pretty hard to say "don't get married until you are 30" while at the same time saying "remain sexually pure." No, you shouldn't get married just to have sex, but I think marriage should be the ultimate goal in all of our relationships.

        I wrote in another thread how I don't believe in dating in terms of the way this culture has defined it.

        Instead of telling people "you aren't ready, you aren't ready" how about teaching them what they need to know to be ready? How about giving them guidance instead of discouraging them.

        When I got married there were so many objections and I couldn't believe it. There was only ONE person who was truly happy and that was my 85 year old grandmother.

        It hurt my heart as I truly felt that it was the Godly thing to do. Why wasn't anyone focusing on what God wanted? Why did it have to be about my age? If I wasn't ready, then people should have tried to prepare me.

        We should be encouraging young ladies and young men to be mature! Stop encouraging selfish and immature behavior.

        As for divorce, one reason the rate is so high is because people go into it believing that divorce is an option. Both my spouse and I have taken that off the table. It's not an option, and that was discussed before we married. So when things are less than desirable, we are either going to work through all of our issues, or sit miserable for the rest of our lives.

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        • #5
          I don't think it has as much to do with age as it does to do with readiness, maturity, and the ability to commit. A man is called to look after his wife in a certain way, a woman is called to look after her husband in a certain way.... all of that takes a high degree of maturity, preparation and the TIME, let alone the energy and willingness to commit to. It's a HUGE responsibility -- outside of parenthood, it's the biggest commitment you'll ever make. It takes sacrifice and devotion, and the understanding on both people that they're going to be with one another for the rest of their lives. And because they're married, should children come along, they need to be able to support them. Even without children, should one partner lose a job, the other should be ready and willing to help. If misfortune or something horrible were to strike, each partner must be ready and able to offer love and help.

          I'd say that very few young adults these days have the resources and skills and level of commitment and maturity to do all the above and more. Marriage between young people is NOT a bad thing at ALL -- if you're ready for it, and that includes being able to support yourselves together as a couple (no getting married and living in mom's basement for 6 years! )

          I daresay most young marriages in the Bible happened because children were not considered to be children for very long at all. By 12 or 13, most were treated like adults and were working; betrothals and marriages were very common by 14 or 15. With SO many young adults extending their adolescence past their late teens into their early 20s these days.... most probably aren't ready for marriage.

          For those who are, and who have always been expected to be mature and to act like adults, and who understand commitment.... wonderful. You're few and far between, but for people like these... marriage often works well, despite being young.

          For myself... I'm nearly 23. Ideally, I'd like to be married between 24 and 25. There's no rush, for me. Getting married right now, this very minute.... wouldn't work. He's putting effort into finding a job and getting financially stable and doing volunteer work; I'm putting effort into a fulltime Teacher Education program after which I'll want to find a job and also start to gain some financial stability.... we need to focus on something other than marriage at the moment. And we're both thankful that we know that. We want to marry one another, and we will, but now isn't quite the time for us.

          (And it's just as valid, I think, if someone wants to stay in a long term committed relationship and date/court the person until they're both ready to marry. It's been four years for us, and it works great.)
          -- Your ~sister~ in Christ.... a "Kaffinated Kittykat"!!

          ROMANS 5:8. Forgiven. Freed. Humbled. Amazed. Grateful. Relying on Christ.

          Love is not a place to come and go as we please
          It's a house we enter in, then commit to never leave
          So lock the door behind you, and throw away the key
          We'll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees.....
          Warren Barfield



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          • #6
            Originally posted by CoffeeCat View Post

            I'd say that very few young adults these days have the resources and skills and level of commitment and maturity to do all the above and more. Marriage between young people is NOT a bad thing at ALL -- if you're ready for it, and that includes being able to support yourselves together as a couple (no getting married and living in mom's basement for 6 years! )

            All of what you said indicates why we need to teach people maturity and responsibility. People don't have the skills and resources because we are taught to live a self-filled life.

            I'm not innocent, because I know my parents were a lot older than I am when they were the exact same age that I am right now...if that makes sense.

            People say all these nice things to make sure you are "ready" but that's not what they mean in most cases. They mean "don't you want to date a few more people first?".

            Both my spouse and I finished college and were living on our own with jobs, yet that didn't seem to comfort anyone. It didn't matter because of our ages.

            It's a touchy subject with me. While I will admit that some people have their heads in la la land and are completely out of touch with reality in terms of marriage; I'd like to offer that maybe instead of accepting that as norm, we should be educating young people and stop accepting 25 year old children.

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            • #7
              In my experience (married almost 30 years; me at 21 him at 23), you need three things for a good marriage (my marriage is not that great, but even a so-so marriage teaches you MANY things LOL), a strong and mature shared faith, a strong sense of what it is to respect another human being, and the humility to ask for forgivness A LOT and you have to be willing to forgive.

              Marriage is HARD. There are few couples who still look at each other with the dewey eyes of youth after many years together. Why? All those little jabs and harsh words that seem like nothing at the time wear you down and you can become almost numb just to keep from getting your feelings hurt. You have GOT to be tender with one another; be one anothers counselor, comforter, companion, lift the other person up constantly. Your wife/husband has got to be THE most precious person in the world to you and if you are not both on the same page it can make for pure misery.
              Last edited by TexasBeliever; Oct 3rd 2008, 12:56 PM.
              Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground.
              ********************************************
              MAY WE IN EVIL'S HOUR, TRUTH'S SWORD WITH BOLDNESS WIELD

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              • #8
                Curious, why is a strong shared faith a must in a marriage??? My aunt and uncle dont' really celebrate any faith and they were raised differently (one catholic one lutheran) and they're kids are fine and they have a very loving marriage. The same goes for a friend of mine's parents.

                Now here'a a real question for you.... I dated a non denominal christian for about 4 years. I'm Catholic... So this girl I was dating was pushing hard for marriage for the last year or two of us being together. I wanted to graduate college first. After we ahd been graduated for about a year we seriously started talking about getting married. then out of the blue she broke up with me. I pretty much severed ties with her and then I learned that within the 4 months after us breaking up, she had started dating another guy and is now engaged! A mere 4 months of dating this guy after 4 years with me...

                Don't you think that getting married after only 4 months of dating someoen is a little ridiculous???

                I have a strong inclination that he is of the same faith as her and that has something to do with it. please shed some light ont eh subjject./

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                • #9
                  I agree with a lot of what you guys have said. I feel like as a young adult we are still being pressured to stay young in terms of things like marriage. Even though 18 is the legal adult age, I've seen a few 18 year olds who act incredibly young. I think a big part of it is, is that we are not being taught to become adults. Or what it means to be a mature man or woman.

                  I feel like the image of marriage has been tainted. Instead of seeing it as a partnership based on love and commitment; a promise of support and care between two people- it is now seen as losing freedom. It is hard to understand how society wants 'young adults' to act. I personally believe you should really start maturing around 16. At that age you begin to become a little bit more aware of who you are, and becoming a lot more responcible for your actions.

                  I really would like to get married young. Possibly at 19. I think I would rather go through college with a husband. Someone to always be able to count on when days at school are tough.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by thebaker View Post
                    I was wondering how people feel on the issue. In our current culture, it seems that marriage is a taboo subject until you are finished with college, have a booming career, buying a house, etc. But what if you want to get married during school? Before you get any kind of career. I know it would be tough to manage college and marriage, but I think that even if you did wait till after college, marriage would still have other hardships. So, how do you guys feel about getting married young?

                    It has its drawbacks and benefits. It means that you are ready to focus on a woman while the curtains of work, school, and co-living unfold. You have to realize that if you marry young (as a Christian) and as I see it, it looks like you do not want to be a virgin any longer. But remember your youth and inexperience will hinder the upbringing of your children (maybe because of job instability, moving place to place , etc.)

                    But really, from my experience, it was just that union and companionship that helps, waking up and knowing your love is right beside (hopefully for the rest of your life) is so wonderful.

                    Hope it works out, God Bless

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                    • #11
                      To me age is not the issue, it's maturity. And while it's good to listen to wise adults..and I'm not just saying people are older...just wise people in general. Ultimately it's up to three people you, your partner and God. It's not anyone else's concern. Me and my fiance were rushing into getting married but we were showed by God that we are not ready yet and need to wait on his perfect timing, while building up our relationship. Honestly though I think age is pretty irrelevant in our society anymore...some young people act like fools, some old, some youths are wise and some old. It just matters where you heart is and if you're truly listening to the Lord.
                      sigpic "My DADDY is bigger than your problems!"

                      ~Danielle~

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Lordistruth View Post
                        Curious, why is a strong shared faith a must in a marriage??? My aunt and uncle dont' really celebrate any faith and they were raised differently (one catholic one lutheran) and they're kids are fine and they have a very loving marriage. The same goes for a friend of mine's parents.

                        Now here'a a real question for you.... I dated a non denominal christian for about 4 years. I'm Catholic... So this girl I was dating was pushing hard for marriage for the last year or two of us being together. I wanted to graduate college first. After we ahd been graduated for about a year we seriously started talking about getting married. then out of the blue she broke up with me. I pretty much severed ties with her and then I learned that within the 4 months after us breaking up, she had started dating another guy and is now engaged! A mere 4 months of dating this guy after 4 years with me...

                        Don't you think that getting married after only 4 months of dating someoen is a little ridiculous???

                        I have a strong inclination that he is of the same faith as her and that has something to do with it. please shed some light ont eh subjject./
                        Perhaps, she obviously wanted a husband though and perhaps she didnt see you as the sort of person she could spend her life with. There could be a whole host of emotional reasons also as many women will attest.
                        "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
                        -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

                        "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

                        Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Lordistruth View Post
                          Curious, why is a strong shared faith a must in a marriage???
                          a strong faith is quite important in that the couple must both be agreed upon that God is the most important thing in their lives, aside from each other and the kids. i've been taught (and i think correctly) that as a christian couple God must come first, and then if that happens the rest will be better (for lack of a better word). the things that follow are blessings. (not that 100% will be happy times...obviously)

                          i'd fully get married, only i don't think it's time (an no one will date me) but when i look for a girl it's not gonna be 'is she right for me?' but 'can she help me grow in my faith and help build the Kingdom of God with me. (also, i will wonder if she is right for me at the same time)


                          so yeah.

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                          • #14
                            Personally, I'd rather marry young and struggle then wait and get 'stable'. Not to knock anyone who's said that. With that said... Plan to marry somewhere between 22-24.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Lordistruth View Post
                              Curious, why is a strong shared faith a must in a marriage??? My aunt and uncle dont' really celebrate any faith and they were raised differently (one catholic one lutheran) and they're kids are fine and they have a very loving marriage. The same goes for a friend of mine's parents.

                              Now here'a a real question for you.... I dated a non denominal christian for about 4 years. I'm Catholic... So this girl I was dating was pushing hard for marriage for the last year or two of us being together. I wanted to graduate college first. After we ahd been graduated for about a year we seriously started talking about getting married. then out of the blue she broke up with me. I pretty much severed ties with her and then I learned that within the 4 months after us breaking up, she had started dating another guy and is now engaged! A mere 4 months of dating this guy after 4 years with me...

                              Don't you think that getting married after only 4 months of dating someoen is a little ridiculous???

                              I have a strong inclination that he is of the same faith as her and that has something to do with it. please shed some light ont eh subjject./
                              Yes, I do think that marrying someone after only 4 months is nuts; I did the same thing. As for the situation between you and your girlfriend, I don't know her heart so I cannot comment on that objectively.
                              Your aunt and uncle are both Christians, are they not? I don't consider Christians who celebrate their faith in different churches to be different "religions". There won't be different sections in heaven for Christians who belong to different churches.
                              In my case my DH believes in a God but not in Jesus as being the only way to salvation. He believes that all paths lead to God as long as you are trying to live a "good" life. Do you see the HUGE difference here? He is hostile to the notion that anyone thinks that their faith or "religion" is the ONLY way to God.
                              Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground.
                              ********************************************
                              MAY WE IN EVIL'S HOUR, TRUTH'S SWORD WITH BOLDNESS WIELD

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