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  • Need Advice: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

    Hi all,

    Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am a 24 year old student and I came to the Lord at the age of 16. However, only a select group of my friends know that I became a believer. I haven't told my family because they are strong followers of a different religion.

    I need some advice on how to pray for love and healing. My story is as follows:

    Back in 2010 I met a wonderful girl in college. She was the first girl I was ever interested in and I asked her out. She said yes and we started dating. We grew close really quickly and due to a strong connection and compatibility we fell in love within 2 months. From that point our love continued to grow. At the time I was facing a lot of struggles emotionally and financially. She stood by me and held my hand through what had been the toughest time in my life. I was also there for her during her difficult times. We were able to overcome all our troubles and our love grew stronger.

    At the end of 2010 I had to leave the US as I was not able to find a job after college. Since we were so in love we knew we were committed to long distance. 2011-2012 was spent long distance, but our relationship was amazing. We talked often, expressed our love. I helped her with her applications to graduate school and helped her study for her exams etc. We had been talking about marriage for a while and there were no doubts about spending the rest of our lives together. I treated her like a princess and did everything I could to make her feel loved and happy.

    Fast forward to Dec 2012. She's been in graduate school for 6 months, making new friends, new city etc. On Christmas, she tells me she's doubtful about her feelings for me and that she sees me more as a best friend instead of a boyfriend. She wants to break up and 'never wants to be with me'. I didn't know what to do so I respected her decision. We remained in constant contact as friend until March after which she cut me off. A few weeks later she tells me that she's seeing someone else.

    Now I'm devastated and not sure what to do. I haven't spoken to her since and I've been praying a lot. I've been asking God to show me the right path and help me survive the pain. I've also prayed asking that it is in His plan for me that we end up together in the future. I'm trying to forget and move on, but my love for her hasn't changed. I really believe that she is the right one for me. I've been asking God whether I should forget and move on, or believe that she will come back to me with a love that is stronger. I don't know what to do.

    We were each others first loves and first relationship. And yes we have sinned and been physical together, but we abstained from sex until marriage. We are both virgins and I plan on staying that way until marriage.

    I lost my faith back in January and Feb of this year, but I realized I was more miserable without God. Ever since I've been praying a lot asking Him for comfort and guidance. Also, every time I pray I pray for her too - for her health and happiness and wisdom.

    Any advice on how I should proceed with prayer? How will I know if God wants me to forgive, forget, and move on or if He wants me trust and remain in love?

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

    There's a lot of missing information, but you should probably move on.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

      Thank you for your reply.

      I've been trying to move on, but I just can't seem to forget her. I've been praying a lot for the strength to move on, but not much has changed. I've accepted what happened and I know nothing is in my control. But if it is God's intention that we remain apart, then why can I not forget her? Why do I still love her as much as I did when we were together?

      With regards to the missing information - we didn't have any trust issues or anything of that sort. She met her new bf in Feb, which is around the time she stopped talking to me (but we've been broken up since Christmas).

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

        Originally posted by cinta_satu View Post
        Thank you for your reply.

        I've been trying to move on, but I just can't seem to forget her. I've been praying a lot for the strength to move on, but not much has changed. I've accepted what happened and I know nothing is in my control. But if it is God's intention that we remain apart, then why can I not forget her? Why do I still love her as much as I did when we were together?
        I'm not sure you ever quite get over your 'first love' -- I went through cancer with mine, and because of that she will always be special to me. I am not of the opinion that God has planned out a 'right' or 'only' course of action for every moment of our lives -- maybe for some, but not for all. I hold the same opinion when it comes to relationships: I see no Scriptural precedence for any notion of 'the one' person you should be with, or whom God has intended you should be with, or whom... whatever else Hollywood might come up with.

        Originally posted by cinta_satu View Post
        With regards to the missing information - we didn't have any trust issues or anything of that sort. She met her new bf in Feb, which is around the time she stopped talking to me (but we've been broken up since Christmas).
        I meant more generally, but I'm not asking you to provide more information.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

          I remember going through a break up years ago. The girl didn't love me and I was crying to the Lord and grieving. I was telling him all the wonderful things about her. When I finished he said "look at all that I am Mark. But if I didn't love you, what good would it do you?" That helped me immensely and I was able to move on.

          Trust in the Lord that he will provide for you everything and everyone you will need. He knows the pain of rejection because he has felt it in a big way. He wanted Jerusalem, and wept over her. But she didn't love him. The Father then provided another bride, the church, who did and do love him.

          Grace and peace,

          Mark
          Matt 9:13
          13 "But go and learn what this means: ' I DESIRE COMPASSION,AND NOT SACRIFICE,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
          NASU

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

            Originally posted by Athanasius View Post
            I'm not sure you ever quite get over your 'first love' -- I went through cancer with mine, and because of that she will always be special to me. I am not of the opinion that God has planned out a 'right' or 'only' course of action for every moment of our lives -- maybe for some, but not for all. I hold the same opinion when it comes to relationships: I see no Scriptural precedence for any notion of 'the one' person you should be with, or whom God has intended you should be with, or whom... whatever else Hollywood might come up with.
            So would you say it is selfish to pray asking for our paths to cross again so we may have another chance? One of the reasons I'm having a hard time letting go is because the last time I saw her in person was Dec 2010. Over the last 2 years our relationship was built on an emotional connection and not physical.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

              Originally posted by Brother Mark View Post
              Trust in the Lord that he will provide for you everything and everyone you will need. He knows the pain of rejection because he has felt it in a big way. He wanted Jerusalem, and wept over her. But she didn't love him. The Father then provided another bride, the church, who did and do love him.
              Thank you for this Mark. At the moment the break up is not the only pain I am suffering from. There is another big issue that is causing me pain and uncertainty on a daily basis. The more pain I feel the more I reach out to God. I trust wholeheartedly that He will get me through this. After all, God doesn't give us more than that which we can handle.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                Originally posted by cinta_satu View Post
                So would you say it is selfish to pray asking for our paths to cross again so we may have another chance? One of the reasons I'm having a hard time letting go is because the last time I saw her in person was Dec 2010. Over the last 2 years our relationship was built on an emotional connection and not physical.
                I would say that you should pray that God would grant you peace no matter the outcome, and that He would help you come to terms with your circumstances. I was in a long-distance relationship with my wife for three years before we married, so I understand the emotional connection (as with any relationship). At the same time, you have to be careful not to idealize the past, or reflect on past events in a way different than what actually happened.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                  Originally posted by Athanasius View Post
                  I would say that you should pray that God would grant you peace no matter the outcome, and that He would help you come to terms with your circumstances. I was in a long-distance relationship with my wife for three years before we married, so I understand the emotional connection (as with any relationship). At the same time, you have to be careful not to idealize the past, or reflect on past events in a way different than what actually happened.
                  Thank you. I've been praying daily asking God to give me the strength and wisdom to follow the right path which will lead to peace and happiness. Deep down do I hope that I end up with her? Yes, but maybe that will change in time. You are right about not idealizing the past.

                  Thank you again for your reply.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                    Love is an exam for beloved

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                      Originally posted by Hanif Nasir View Post
                      Love is an exam for beloved
                      Would you please elaborate? I am curious.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                        Originally posted by Brosneck View Post
                        Would you please elaborate? I am curious.
                        I am also curious.
                        Galatians 6:14 - But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                          Since the OP came here, wondering about this certain 'girl', and if she was the 'love of his life', I'm wondering why we are still talking about a solution.

                          By this time, 2 years later, he has either moved on or has married her by now! Maybe he will come back and bring us up to date. But I still wonder, why are some offering advise to him, 2 years later, when we don't even know if he is still here or not.
                          My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16

                          "Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                            It may be helpful for other people, who is in the same boat right now!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Love, Relationship, Breaking up, and Prayer

                              It may be helpful for other people, who is in the same boat right now!

                              Comment

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