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  • I'm new here and I have a question

    I grew up without any knowledge about Christianity and the Bible. After I came to US, sometimes there would be people come over and pass the little book with Bible verses in it to me and I just ignore all of them.

    Now I am 30 and I started to go to church in the beginning of this year.

    I lost my virginity when I was 27. And I have never been in a serious relationship. It doesn't mean I slept around but I did have a few one night stand experience and two friends with benefit experience during the year I lost my virginity. The reason I did this is more of I felt I was too old to keep my virginity. And it seemed somehow impossible for me to get a boyfriend. I didn't even date that much. I had a small circle of life and not out going. Even though everyone says I have a sexy body and I'm good looking and there should be a lot of guys after me waiting to be chosen. That's never the case I guess.

    The sex with no emotional connection didn't bring much of pleasure but turned my soul to be empty. I realized that this is not something I would ever want again. And I was determined not to have sex again until I'm married. However, it seemed like satan (maybe it was him) never really wanted me to stay away from it and always made me fell.

    I finally became a Christian after all the heartbreak due to failing my promises to myself of being good. But I still have doubts. Because I came across Christians with strong background of faithful family who say they take the Bible seriously and believe the Bible is the word of God and still have sex before marriage, and one night stands. I failed once after I came to Christ when I got drunk and I was totally totally devastated due to the whole situation with the person involved.

    I'm so confused and I need help.

    Statistics says 80% of young Christian adults are having sex with their partner without marriage. What does this really reflect people's faith? People have affairs outside of their Christian marriage. What does this really reflect their faith? It's heartbreaking for me to see people I love who say they have faith in God but still live their own way. Of course I have met young couples long before I became Christian who told me that they are determined not to have sex before marriage. They are their first love and first kiss of each other and they are waiting for the marriage for sex to happen. That time I was really impressed with their determination although I didn't know why they have such determination. I just thought they were old-fashioned, because I knew nothing about Christianity that time. But now the more I see, the more I'm confused.

    I'm trying to walk with God and be faithful, and tried to talk to God every night. But I really don't know if He hears me or not. I just started my journey and I feel I'm falling behind. Though intellectually I could convince myself that God is there and I should trust him. But emotionally, I don't feel the connection. And because all the doubts that were caused by other Christians I just don't know what to do now.

    I know none of us are perfect, and we all sin. I should not judge others because I myself is full of sin as well. But I just couldn't stop questioning.

    Can anybody help me to answer some questions?

  • #2
    Re: I'm new here and I have a question

    God shall forgive you if you ask for forgiveness

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I'm new here and I have a question

      Originally posted by Julesburg View Post
      I grew up without any knowledge about Christianity and the Bible. After I came to US, sometimes there would be people come over and pass the little book with Bible verses in it to me and I just ignore all of them.

      Now I am 30 and I started to go to church in the beginning of this year.

      I lost my virginity when I was 27. And I have never been in a serious relationship. It doesn't mean I slept around but I did have a few one night stand experience and two friends with benefit experience during the year I lost my virginity. The reason I did this is more of I felt I was too old to keep my virginity. And it seemed somehow impossible for me to get a boyfriend. I didn't even date that much. I had a small circle of life and not out going. Even though everyone says I have a sexy body and I'm good looking and there should be a lot of guys after me waiting to be chosen. That's never the case I guess.

      The sex with no emotional connection didn't bring much of pleasure but turned my soul to be empty. I realized that this is not something I would ever want again. And I was determined not to have sex again until I'm married. However, it seemed like satan (maybe it was him) never really wanted me to stay away from it and always made me fell.

      I finally became a Christian after all the heartbreak due to failing my promises to myself of being good. But I still have doubts. Because I came across Christians with strong background of faithful family who say they take the Bible seriously and believe the Bible is the word of God and still have sex before marriage, and one night stands. I failed once after I came to Christ when I got drunk and I was totally totally devastated due to the whole situation with the person involved.

      I'm so confused and I need help.

      Statistics says 80% of young Christian adults are having sex with their partner without marriage. What does this really reflect people's faith? People have affairs outside of their Christian marriage. What does this really reflect their faith? It's heartbreaking for me to see people I love who say they have faith in God but still live their own way. Of course I have met young couples long before I became Christian who told me that they are determined not to have sex before marriage. They are their first love and first kiss of each other and they are waiting for the marriage for sex to happen. That time I was really impressed with their determination although I didn't know why they have such determination. I just thought they were old-fashioned, because I knew nothing about Christianity that time. But now the more I see, the more I'm confused.

      I'm trying to walk with God and be faithful, and tried to talk to God every night. But I really don't know if He hears me or not. I just started my journey and I feel I'm falling behind. Though intellectually I could convince myself that God is there and I should trust him. But emotionally, I don't feel the connection. And because all the doubts that were caused by other Christians I just don't know what to do now.

      I know none of us are perfect, and we all sin. I should not judge others because I myself is full of sin as well. But I just couldn't stop questioning.

      Can anybody help me to answer some questions?
      First off, I want to welcome you to the forum. It is always wonderful to have new people around that want to learn.

      Second, I am more then willing to help you out: but I also will understand if you would prefer a woman to confide with.

      Third, know that no matter what I will pray for you, because I understand what you are experiencing.

      Father, I ask that you give our sister here discernment in what she is now experiencing. And that You would wrap Your protective arms about her, and help her with knowledge only You can provide. And let her know that she has brothers and sisters that are willing and able to assist her.

      In His Name,
      Amen
      "You're gonna make a difference when you lay down your life, and in complete submission to God, choose to die with Him in service to other people."
      "Sometimes it concerns me, you know, the number of people that can quote my songs, and-- or they can quote the songs of several different people, but they can't quote the Scriptures."
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZLFGZ6zpeI
      Rich Mullins

      For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I'm new here and I have a question

        Originally posted by Julesburg View Post


        I finally became a Christian after all the heartbreak due to failing my promises to myself of being good. But I still have doubts. Because I came across Christians with strong background of faithful family who say they take the Bible seriously and believe the Bible is the word of God and still have sex before marriage, and one night stands.
        Here's my personal perspective. I mourn having grown up with a carnal mind. I mourn that I did not surrender to God when He called me in my youth. I seriously mourn that. By serving my own carnal desires, I have lost the most beautiful and precious gift God can offer besides salvation - an undefiled bed.

        There is some science that suggests (for a man anyway) that the chemical reactions in the brain that occur after sexual intimacy creates a bonding sequence. It makes sense from a Biblical perspective (and the two shall become one). When people engage in casual sex, self gratification or out of wedlock sex, this bond has no focus. This could be why people become addicted to pornography or to many partners. They bond with the action, not the partner. If true, than this is devastating to a person's life, for that bonding process isn't something that can be easily broken, if at all.

        I truely believe I lost something in my rebellion against God that He wanted me to have. Yes, we can cry out to God and be forgiven from judgement through the blood of Jesus, but sadly, the consequences remain.

        It reminds me of the Genesis account of Adam and Eve. I believe they were created clothed in the Shikanah glory of God, must like we will be at the wedding feast of the Lamb, or like we read about during the transfiguration. Imagaine what they experienced when that glory covering vanished and they stood there with no cover at all. The consequences for their actions remained, and they lost something that must have been absolutely beautiful beyond description.

        I have known both Christians and non-Christians who have shared an undefiled bed for their entire lifetime, and they all have this unique bond and sense of self worth that is incredible.

        So now I live a second rate existance due to my own actions. God has restored much to me, I have His forgiveness and I am blessed by the most wonderful wife God I can imagine...but I tell you the truth...I really mourn that she isn't the wife of my youth. We would have been so much more blessed than we are now.

        At the same time, I am grateful and have much joy in the fact that I have been reconciled to God through Jesus, that I am being blessed beyond my imagination, and that God's Spirit testifies to my spirit of His love for me. That is a bond that is like the other bond I was speaking of earlier - and that bond is available to all of us - for free. As far as other people are concerned, whether Christian or not, well I just say it this way - our surrender to God is often times congruant with our failure to obey Him. It is an unfortunate reality that at first, God is the last person we come to when all else fails, however the good news is that eventually we learn to come to Him first before "all else fails."

        God knows our hearts much better than we know our own hearts, and He knows exactly how to bring us to depend on His strength - once we choose to.

        When I met my wife, one of the first questions she asked me was "if God told you He was going to turn your life upside down, would you allow it?" I wanted to say "yes," and I did say "yes." Well, God took me at my word, and really did turn my life upside down and pressed more arrogance out of me than I knew I had, financially, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and by my own measure of success. It was a very difficult 6 years, but wow, am I grateful for what He did!

        I did learn one other thing. God absolutely rejoices in redeeming sinners who cry out to Him in repentence. Not only Him, but His angels. That I can only measure my own obedience, how I love, how I give, and how I serve against His will for me, not against any other person. Each individual is exactly that - individual. We are not made all the same, but we are all wonderfully made. God loves you, and that can not be broken. All He requires of you is that you accept that gift.
        Those who seek God with all their heart will find Him and be given sight. Those who seek their own agenda will remain blind.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I'm new here and I have a question

          Something I realized early on is that it's not possible to do better without asking God for help. As long as you never stop praying, there is always hope for growth.
          「耶和華聖潔無比,獨一無二,沒有磐石像我們的上帝。
          撒母耳記上 (1 Samuel) 2:2

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I'm new here and I have a question

            Originally posted by Julesburg View Post

            Can anybody help me to answer some questions?
            What are your questions?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I'm new here and I have a question

              Listen, new friend. Most of your life so far has been spent not as a Christian, due to no fault of your own. You need to realize first of all that all of us who are now believers were not living according to the Bible UNTIL the good Lord reached WAY down and we took hold of that unseen hand! But once you came to Christ, your whole outlook changes, doesn't it? That's because the past has been like a blackboard filled with stuff written all over it, but that slate has NOW been wiped clean by the blood of Jesus!

              All that was the old you. But just the fact that this now bothers you (but it probably didn't before) shows that the Holy Spirit is NOW guiding you in what I call 'the paths of righteousness'. Don't beat yourself up because of the past. Its now all cleaned up in the sight of God!

              Now, you just walk in that new life you've been given. I commend you for your decision to now wait until the one comes along who God has for you. I hope this helps you, Sweetie.
              My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16

              "Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                Originally posted by ChristianCoffee View Post
                First off, I want to welcome you to the forum. It is always wonderful to have new people around that want to learn.

                Second, I am more then willing to help you out: but I also will understand if you would prefer a woman to confide with.

                Third, know that no matter what I will pray for you, because I understand what you are experiencing.

                Father, I ask that you give our sister here discernment in what she is now experiencing. And that You would wrap Your protective arms about her, and help her with knowledge only You can provide. And let her know that she has brothers and sisters that are willing and able to assist her.

                In His Name,
                Amen
                Thank you very much!

                I would also appreciate from guys' prospective. I understand people have different views.

                Once I asked me a male friend of mine whether Bible says sex before marriage is sin. And he said not exactly...

                And thank you for praying for me. I do need a lot of prayer for my spiritual life and strength. I've gone through a situation which I am totally confused about and have lots of unanswered questions hanging in my head. I really pray that God would reveal the truth to me even if the truth hurts. And I also pray for the person involved being holy.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                  Originally posted by keck553 View Post
                  Here's my personal perspective. I mourn having grown up with a carnal mind. I mourn that I did not surrender to God when He called me in my youth. I seriously mourn that. By serving my own carnal desires, I have lost the most beautiful and precious gift God can offer besides salvation - an undefiled bed.

                  There is some science that suggests (for a man anyway) that the chemical reactions in the brain that occur after sexual intimacy creates a bonding sequence. It makes sense from a Biblical perspective (and the two shall become one). When people engage in casual sex, self gratification or out of wedlock sex, this bond has no focus. This could be why people become addicted to pornography or to many partners. They bond with the action, not the partner. If true, than this is devastating to a person's life, for that bonding process isn't something that can be easily broken, if at all.

                  I truely believe I lost something in my rebellion against God that He wanted me to have. Yes, we can cry out to God and be forgiven from judgement through the blood of Jesus, but sadly, the consequences remain.

                  It reminds me of the Genesis account of Adam and Eve. I believe they were created clothed in the Shikanah glory of God, must like we will be at the wedding feast of the Lamb, or like we read about during the transfiguration. Imagaine what they experienced when that glory covering vanished and they stood there with no cover at all. The consequences for their actions remained, and they lost something that must have been absolutely beautiful beyond description.

                  I have known both Christians and non-Christians who have shared an undefiled bed for their entire lifetime, and they all have this unique bond and sense of self worth that is incredible.

                  So now I live a second rate existance due to my own actions. God has restored much to me, I have His forgiveness and I am blessed by the most wonderful wife God I can imagine...but I tell you the truth...I really mourn that she isn't the wife of my youth. We would have been so much more blessed than we are now.

                  At the same time, I am grateful and have much joy in the fact that I have been reconciled to God through Jesus, that I am being blessed beyond my imagination, and that God's Spirit testifies to my spirit of His love for me. That is a bond that is like the other bond I was speaking of earlier - and that bond is available to all of us - for free. As far as other people are concerned, whether Christian or not, well I just say it this way - our surrender to God is often times congruant with our failure to obey Him. It is an unfortunate reality that at first, God is the last person we come to when all else fails, however the good news is that eventually we learn to come to Him first before "all else fails."

                  God knows our hearts much better than we know our own hearts, and He knows exactly how to bring us to depend on His strength - once we choose to.

                  When I met my wife, one of the first questions she asked me was "if God told you He was going to turn your life upside down, would you allow it?" I wanted to say "yes," and I did say "yes." Well, God took me at my word, and really did turn my life upside down and pressed more arrogance out of me than I knew I had, financially, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and by my own measure of success. It was a very difficult 6 years, but wow, am I grateful for what He did!

                  I did learn one other thing. God absolutely rejoices in redeeming sinners who cry out to Him in repentence. Not only Him, but His angels. That I can only measure my own obedience, how I love, how I give, and how I serve against His will for me, not against any other person. Each individual is exactly that - individual. We are not made all the same, but we are all wonderfully made. God loves you, and that can not be broken. All He requires of you is that you accept that gift.
                  Thank you for such a long reply. I also mourn losing an undefiled bed. At the beginning I didn't care. I had a long history of masturbation. Not obsessively but quite routinely since I was 20. I was exposed to porn until I was 20. I had no idea how sex worked before 20 and the word "sex" only meant gender to me most of the time. Ever since I was exposed to porn after I came to US, I started to get curious and eventually tried myself. When I was reaching 27, the desire of wanting to have sex with men gets very strong from time to time and sometimes I just wished whoever that guy is just I wanted a guy to have sex with. I thought sex was just a physical thing that time. And purity is just a conservative thought. I tried and didn't feel bad in the beginning. But one day it suddenly hit me that how am I going to tell my future husband about what I have done? I've hooked up with random guys I met online. I had no feelings for them and it was just like animal. The only partner I had feeling for was the first person, and he didn't want a relationship with me. In fact he hided the fact that he had a long distance girl friend and he was just using me for sex. Once she came back to where we were after school, he disappeared completely. And I realized the difference between the person who I had feeling and who I did not have feeling. It was different. And the difference made me realize that if I love my husband, there's no way I could do this with anyone else whom I don't love. For the first time I felt what I've been doing was really filthy. Sadly, there's no way I could get my virginity back. And remember all these things happened before I was saved. I made my decision that time that I would not do it again until I get married. I was good for 8 months, but then I fell again.... Not until I got saved I realized that without God's power, I'm so weak and I couldn't maintain my decision.

                  More and more, with God's power, I'm able to quench the need to have sex. And I even stopped masturbation. Even if I tried masturbation, I felt the pleasure is so short and so hard to catch that short living pleasure to the point that I even felt it wasn't worth the time anymore. I know God is working on me to cleanse my past. But I'm still confused with other young Christians who happily involve in sex before marriage and not feel any guilt. I just couldn't understand.

                  Maybe I shouldn't judge other people but rather just pray that the Lord will talk to their heart and reveal to them how wrong they have gone.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                    Originally posted by Aviyah View Post
                    Something I realized early on is that it's not possible to do better without asking God for help. As long as you never stop praying, there is always hope for growth.
                    Thank you! I'll keep praying. My problem is I don't have the sense that I'm talking to God. Sometimes I just feel that I'm talking to the air or talking to myself. That's a very discouraging feeling.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                      Originally posted by Jake View Post
                      What are your questions?
                      Statistics says 80% of young Christian adults are having sex with their partner without marriage. What does this really reflect people's faith? People have affairs outside of their Christian marriage. What does this really reflect their faith? It's heartbreaking for me to see people I love who say they have faith in God but still live their own way. Of course I have met young couples long before I became Christian who told me that they are determined not to have sex before marriage. They are their first love and first kiss of each other and they are waiting for the marriage for sex to happen. That time I was really impressed with their determination although I didn't know why they have such determination. I just thought they were old-fashioned, because I knew nothing about Christianity that time. But now the more I see, the more I'm confused.

                      These are my questions. I still have the desire of having sex of course. But I'm worried that I won't be able to get married because I don't even have a boyfriend and I don't even want to date any time soon. I just want to grow spiritually at this moment.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                        Originally posted by Diggindeeper View Post
                        Listen, new friend. Most of your life so far has been spent not as a Christian, due to no fault of your own. You need to realize first of all that all of us who are now believers were not living according to the Bible UNTIL the good Lord reached WAY down and we took hold of that unseen hand! But once you came to Christ, your whole outlook changes, doesn't it? That's because the past has been like a blackboard filled with stuff written all over it, but that slate has NOW been wiped clean by the blood of Jesus!

                        All that was the old you. But just the fact that this now bothers you (but it probably didn't before) shows that the Holy Spirit is NOW guiding you in what I call 'the paths of righteousness'. Don't beat yourself up because of the past. Its now all cleaned up in the sight of God!

                        Now, you just walk in that new life you've been given. I commend you for your decision to now wait until the one comes along who God has for you. I hope this helps you, Sweetie.
                        Thank you! Sometimes I feel I've been waiting for so long. I've been waiting since 20s. I never rushed to date or tried so hard to find dates. And usually the more I date the more frustrated I get. Now I'm waiting again because I really want to clear my mind up before I do anything and I really pray that God will guide me to the right person this time.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                          Originally posted by Julesburg View Post
                          Statistics says 80% of young Christian adults are having sex with their partner without marriage. What does this really reflect people's faith? People have affairs outside of their Christian marriage. What does this really reflect their faith? It's heartbreaking for me to see people I love who say they have faith in God but still live their own way. Of course I have met young couples long before I became Christian who told me that they are determined not to have sex before marriage. They are their first love and first kiss of each other and they are waiting for the marriage for sex to happen. That time I was really impressed with their determination although I didn't know why they have such determination. I just thought they were old-fashioned, because I knew nothing about Christianity that time. But now the more I see, the more I'm confused.
                          It reflects their disobedience. We were warned of this in the Bible, people like to please their flesh for temporary pleasure rather than to struggle through what is doing the right thing. It's easy to justify our actions when "everyone else is doing it". We are not to do as the world does, but only what God tells us to do, it's not easy to be persistent in this.

                          Just because a person claims to know Christ doesn't necessarily mean they do know Christ.

                          Originally posted by Julesburg View Post
                          These are my questions. I still have the desire of having sex of course. But I'm worried that I won't be able to get married because I don't even have a boyfriend and I don't even want to date any time soon. I just want to grow spiritually at this moment.
                          By worrying about this, you could ask yourself what does this worrying of mine really reflect about the faith that I have? It's telling you that you don't believe God that He will take care of you and your needs (I'm saying this is the most possible nicest way). God is preparing you spiritually which is the most important preparation you can experience, so praise God He did not leave you! He brought you out and now He is teaching you. Here's what someone else told me - God needs to make two people whole before they come together in order to form a bond that is whole and completely centered on Him.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                            I am new too. I am at the beginning of learning about what christians teach and believe.

                            Having said that after my divorce I stayed single for 10 years and raised my two kids by myself.

                            I did not date or have any sexual relations.

                            My reason obviously was not religious I didn't want to sleep around as an example for my children.

                            Now my oldest is in College living away and my youngest will be 18 soon.

                            I have been in a relationship over a year and we are engaged to marry, no set date though.

                            I think God puts people in our life at the right time and if we live life responsibly we know when that time is.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I'm new here and I have a question

                              Originally posted by Jake View Post
                              It reflects their disobedience. We were warned of this in the Bible, people like to please their flesh for temporary pleasure rather than to struggle through what is doing the right thing. It's easy to justify our actions when "everyone else is doing it". We are not to do as the world does, but only what God tells us to do, it's not easy to be persistent in this.

                              Just because a person claims to know Christ doesn't necessarily mean they do know Christ.



                              By worrying about this, you could ask yourself what does this worrying of mine really reflect about the faith that I have? It's telling you that you don't believe God that He will take care of you and your needs (I'm saying this is the most possible nicest way). God is preparing you spiritually which is the most important preparation you can experience, so praise God He did not leave you! He brought you out and now He is teaching you. Here's what someone else told me - God needs to make two people whole before they come together in order to form a bond that is whole and completely centered on Him.

                              Thank you for your reply! You are right. My disbelief makes me worry. And you are right. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

                              Comment

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