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  • I am officially heartbroken...

    I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

    Here's what happened:

    She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

    So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

    EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

    How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

    Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

    Thanks,
    -William
    Jesus Christ: My Original Superman

    The question asked in order to save her life or take it

    The answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it
    "Do you believe in God?" written on the bullet; Say yes to pull the trigger.

    Repitition: God's exclamation point

  • #2
    Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
    I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

    Here's what happened:

    She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

    So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

    EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

    How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

    Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

    Thanks,
    -William
    This may not help you much but no ones ever dies from a broken heart, in fact the heart needs to break a few times to open up more and more.
    If you can embrace all those feelings now you will begin to see it is not nearly as bad as you may think it is.

    God Bless you
    Randy
    And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by looking4jesus View Post
      This may not help you much but no ones ever dies from a broken heart, in fact the heart needs to break a few times to open up more and more.
      If you can embrace all those feelings now you will begin to see it is not nearly as bad as you may think it is.

      God Bless you
      Randy
      But the problem is, it isn't my heart in the balance. It's hers also. So what do I do now? Go out/court still knowing the back of my mind all that's happened?

      I think when it gets to the deep of the deep, She's the sort of girl I wouldn't expect it from-- that's why I liked her so much! I thought she was so innocent...Now, will I be afraid of being constantly compared to him? Probably...When I kiss her, will I be reminded of where she put her mouth?

      It's just not as simple as you make it out to be...

      Also, scriptures would be nice.

      Thanks,
      -William
      Jesus Christ: My Original Superman

      The question asked in order to save her life or take it

      The answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it
      "Do you believe in God?" written on the bullet; Say yes to pull the trigger.

      Repitition: God's exclamation point

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
        But the problem is, it isn't my heart in the balance. It's hers also. So what do I do now? Go out/court still knowing the back of my mind all that's happened?

        I think when it gets to the deep of the deep, She's the sort of girl I wouldn't expect it from-- that's why I liked her so much! I thought she was so innocent...Now, will I be afraid of being constantly compared to him? Probably...When I kiss her, will I be reminded of where she put her mouth?

        It's just not as simple as you make it out to be...

        Also, scriptures would be nice.

        Thanks,
        -William
        Dear William it is really that simple but in no way do I discount the real pain of what is happening to you. Do not compare yourself to no one you are you. Make a choice, pray about it and move on. Do not make up stories in your head and trust God

        God said and promised..
        I love those who love me,
        and those who seek me find me.
        Proverbs 8:17

        God Bless
        Randy
        And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
        For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by looking4jesus View Post
          Do not compare yourself to no one you are you.
          It's not me comparing myself to him, but rather a fear of her comparing me to him. And yes, it is a rational fear...

          As for making a choice, praying, and moving on, it could be that simple, but I'm so lost. Every part of me is screaming in disgust from it, yet I still don't want to just "drop" her and say, "alrighty, well, that's it-- cya!"

          If right now, I had to make a choice, I would say that's it, it's done, sorry, but I'm not the one for you...but how do you tell someone who's been an awesome friend that?
          Jesus Christ: My Original Superman

          The question asked in order to save her life or take it

          The answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it
          "Do you believe in God?" written on the bullet; Say yes to pull the trigger.

          Repitition: God's exclamation point

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
            It's not me comparing myself to him, but rather a fear of her comparing me to him. And yes, it is a rational fear...

            As for making a choice, praying, and moving on, it could be that simple, but I'm so lost. Every part of me is screaming in disgust from it, yet I still don't want to just "drop" her and say, "alrighty, well, that's it-- cya!"

            If right now, I had to make a choice, I would say that's it, it's done, sorry, but I'm not the one for you...but how do you tell someone who's been an awesome friend that?
            It does not mean you will loose the friendship but it will means a change, which will happen anyway so you might as well be the change yourself, being proactive and doing what your heart tells you, but before you do anything really pray about it. I know it is hard but try to keep yourself out of the picture while you pray and just ask God to show you his will not yours.
            I will pray for you
            God Bless
            Randy
            And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
            For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

            Comment


            • #7
              I think I need to look at it like this:

              If I have doubts because of that, then maybe it isn't love? If me being this uncomfortable is outweighing the supposed love for her, then maybe she isn't the one?
              Jesus Christ: My Original Superman

              The question asked in order to save her life or take it

              The answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it
              "Do you believe in God?" written on the bullet; Say yes to pull the trigger.

              Repitition: God's exclamation point

              Comment


              • #8
                "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:6-8
                First, ask God. He'll answer you. Pray, pray, and pray some more.

                "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. " - Matthew 7: 1-5
                Maybe I misinterpreted what you were saying, but it sounded like you both confessed these particular sins to each other and you've decided that hers is much worse than yours. Sin is sin, brother. It sounded like this changed your perspective of her so much, but everyone has sin. Some sins are more visible at times, but we all have sin.

                "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
                You never said if you loved this girl or not, but if she's the girl of your dreams, then it sounds like you've at least thought of loving her. There will be consequences for her actions. Christians are called to forgive. If you love this girl, you are called to keep no record of her wrongs. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but that would have to be your goal. Even your fear of her comparing you to this other guy is you not completely forgiving her.

                I'm not saying one way or another whether you should pursue this relationship or not. That has to be something you figure out in your own heart. There will be ramifications either way you go. Just trying to give you some Scripture to dwell on.
                "I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite!" - Buddy the Elf

                My Blog


                Pray for Mieke and Charles

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
                  I think I need to look at it like this:

                  If I have doubts because of that, then maybe it isn't love? If me being this uncomfortable is outweighing the supposed love for her, then maybe she isn't the one?
                  Good point..it is worth looking at for sure..
                  God Bless
                  Randy
                  And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
                  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Everyone makes mistakes,and her doing what she did is no worse than things you have done. After dating a guy who was not a virgin at all, I know how you feel about being compared, and he could've cared less about making me feel insecure about that. If she really does love you, she wont make you feel like you are "less than him". BUT, be careful of any woman who does stuff "to make you jealous" In my book, you don't go that far with a guy you are just dating to make another jealous. That's just my two cents.
                    sigpic "My DADDY is bigger than your problems!"

                    ~Danielle~

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think you may be making too big a deal out of this. Everybody slips up and if she's repentant of it (is she?) then I would suggest trying to put this behind you and not to dwell on it. I'm not minimizing what she's done but it could have been worse.
                      sigpic

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        After much prayer, headache, and arguments with myself and God...

                        Maybe it's a bit early to be deciding on someone. I'm just so wrapped up in trying to find the "perfect one" that I'm missing out on the ONLY perfect one-- God.

                        My solution: I'm letting her know that it isn't my heart to be giving away-- It's Gods. It isn't time yet for me to be searching for a girlfriend. When He tells me that it's time, and only then, I can be at peace with a dicision.
                        Jesus Christ: My Original Superman

                        The question asked in order to save her life or take it

                        The answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it
                        "Do you believe in God?" written on the bullet; Say yes to pull the trigger.

                        Repitition: God's exclamation point

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
                          How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

                          Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

                          Thanks,
                          -William
                          Rule #1 - there is no such thing as "the one"
                          Moving on...

                          Her past sin, you can do one of two things with it:

                          1. If she's repented of that sin, God has washed it away and that means you can to - make the conscious effort not to dwell on it. (I would be weary of this as from the rest of your story this girl doesn't sound like she'd be a good thing for you).

                          2. It bothers you, you want a girl that's as pure as possible (nothing wrong with that) then look for another girl.

                          Speaking from experience (the relationship I'm in right now, actually), past sexual sin can be a difficult thing to not let bother you. You really have to make a conscious effort... Especially when that person doesn't see what the big deal is, hasn't repented of it and really doesn't understand why or how it could bother someone. I know I've always (and still do) maintain an attitude where even in my relationships now I hold myself to a responsibility to (1) God and (2) my future wife. As a result I'm very much pure and would expect the same of my girlfriend / fiancee / wife... The girl I'm with now, however, lived a very much worldly life and is no where near pure. It's not something I let bother me, though I will admit that at times - especially when she says things she shouldn't - it can get to me and I have to deal with that, it's a consequence of ill thought out action and sin.

                          I was going to say more but I'll just say this: it's a hard thing and you may just need God
                          ...I know I do.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dear William,
                            Jesus wouldn't want us to be deceptive. However, if this is the real thing, do whatever it takes to forgive and forget, and just get closer to her. This advice is coming from someone who doesn't want to get married.

                            Sincerely,
                            ekeak

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by xlive_4_godx View Post
                              I've waited almost 2 years for the girl of my dreams to break up with the guy(s) she's been dating...We've been best friends for over 7 years, and I finally figured out that I wanted to be with her.

                              Here's what happened:

                              She broke up with her last boyfriend about a week ago, and I've been talking with her a lot (more than usual). She had told me that she liked me and had just dated him to make me jealous. Well, it didn't make me jealous, but yes, I did like her.

                              So basically, I've been talking with her about her past relationships, and the subject came up of the worst thing that each other has done before. For me, it was (mind you, in 5th grade) touched a female's breast. For her....well...it was a bit different...she had given oral to her last boyfriend-- and only after two months of going out with him!!

                              EDIT: I am friends with the guy....

                              How could this have happened?!?! I prayed for a pure and righteous woman, not...this!!! UGH! I am in such a bind. What do I do? What do I say...how do I react? There's no way that I'm going to see her in the same light again!!!

                              Fast responses are greatly appreciated...

                              Thanks,
                              -William
                              She made a mistake, we all do.

                              Comment

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