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Help me find my way back home

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  • Help me find my way back home

    Hi everyone. It's ironic there is a thread going around recently about quitting Christianity. I've strayed, basically. Long story short, since September's episode with a female friend, I've sort of gone into lazy mode and also resentment mode. She invited me to sleep over, but trying to be a good Christian I declined... she made various "pitches" at me in the following weeks, but I resisted, trying to walk faithfully. Then, my friendship with her kind of faded and I became bitter. Why must I be the "goody two shoes" all the time?

    Anyway, I have not been to church in the past six weeks. It started out with me missing one due to oversleeping, then after that it just became "eh, I can always listen to the podcast on Monday."

    Since I started working full time actually, I have not made much time for God and church (life). When I became Christian in 2009, I was on fire. I was also working part time, and so from 2009-2011 had a lot of energy and free time to devote to God. 2012 has been a major transition year, as I've started working full time and also, I think, lost my fire from 2009-2010 specifically. You know, that "newbie" fire, where everything is brand new and you don't cynically roll your eyes (internally) whenever someone says phrases such as "when one door closes, another will open," "God provides," [insert Christian cliche here], etc.

    I have even stopped saying grace in public places. I used to always, but nowadays I take my faith much more privately.

    I have felt distanced from my church and am now open to seeking a new home. I realize I know a lot of people there, but only on the surface. No one I can call my "real friend." I'm longing for community, but the people there I am just not clicking with, not like how I clicked with some friends at my 1st ever church.

    On the upside, 2 good friends from my 1st church started attending this brand new church and have invited me Sunday. I will join them and see what it's all about. I guess I'm just seeking community at this point, and trying to come back to God after being a "lost son" for this little bit.

    Anyway, prayers are appreciated. Similar stories if you have some, as well.

  • #2
    Re: Help me find my way back home

    If I allow distance to grow in my relationship with the Lord, all my human relationships suffer as well. It's strange how it happens...when I feel separated from God I feel lonely in a human regard as well, even though I'm still going to work, home, church, etcetera. All relationships suffer, as I become more critical towards my wife, less patient with coworkers and church members....swifter to argue or take offense....basically I've learned that a healthy relationship with the Lord is a healthy life. When I spend time in the Word and in prayer, everything else seems to fall into place; my attitude, my perceptions, my desire to evangelize, be around others.
    I may still have the same "problems" in life, but I catch myself responding to them differently.
    Psalm 19:14
    Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.


    • #3
      Re: Help me find my way back home

      Steven, I know from experience that we can drift away from the presence of the Lord and not even realize we have done so. At least, you are aware that you have drifted and that is a good thing. But, we all have a 'fire' when we first become a Christian. The fire can become less intense over time, but needs to be 'kept' burning in order to 'warm' those around us. I think our desire to be in the presence of the Lord can be affected by how our time is spent. For example, now working full time allows less time to study, pray, perhaps visit the sick, help the needy, etc.

      I have learned that life is one change after another. Sometimes that change is no more than a change in our schedule. But sometimes its more losing a job or a loved one dies. But, we must reach the point where we know deep down in our heart ... no matter what changes come my way, I WILL follow Christ Jesus. I think Paul said it very well when he said, "...I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." (Phil 4:11) Now, by referring to whatsoever STATE he was in, I don't think for one minute that he was talking about Tennessee or New York or any other 'state' like that. He was talking about his circumstances!

      I am glad that you are planning to go Sunday to visit another church with your friends! I don't believe in coincidences and to me it seems that their timing in inviting you to a different church just may be something God intended. Perhaps its exactly the right time. Maybe.

      But Steven, just realize that you have not turned your back on Christ. He will honor the fact that you resisted temptation. You can rest assured of that! You may not for a while have that same 'closeness' and 'fire' and fervency that you had when you became a new Christian, but it may turn into a time of even deeper 'knowing'. We learn as we grow. We learn with time. We learn through different circumstances. The bottom line is simply...don't allow apathy to set in. Let us know here how the visit to the other church goes and being with your friends. Will you do that? I look forward to hearing about it. I really do.
      My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16

      "Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)


      • #4
        Re: Help me find my way back home

        Originally posted by Diggindeeper View Post
        Let us know here how the visit to the other church goes and being with your friends. Will you do that? I look forward to hearing about it. I really do.
        I shall! Thanks for your insightful thoughts. I really appreciate it.