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  • On the verge of divorce

    I have just found this thread, and unfortunately my wife and I are on the verge of divorcing. Both of us are born again, and the reasons are not adultery. She out of the blue informed me recently she did not think the marriage was working and that it was not going to change and that she was going to be moving out. Now all of her stuff is gone.
    The whole thing has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I was shocked by the whole thing and unfortunately but I think understandably I was angered by her decision. I told her if she wanted it she was going to be the one to pay for it.
    After a few days had passed and talking with concerned family members about my finances, I decided to inform her that I was also unhappy during the marriage and that she need not worry about paying for the divorce. I absolutely STILL DO NOT WANT THIS DIVORCE! However if her mind is that made up then I cannot change it. I am conflicted about being the one to file as I am afraid it would bring guilt on me.
    Family have told me that she has in effect already divorced me so all I would be doing is giving her what she wants. She does not make anywhere near the money I do which is why I told her I would pay for it.
    I still love her even though some hurtful things have been said by me in my hurt and anger over this whole thing.
    And to make matters more difficult I have autism disorder.
    My wife and I both decided it best to eliminate or reduce our communications, and we have done so.
    Does it put a sin on me if my wife has declared her intention to divorce me, and I am the one who files?
    Honestly speaking I am a person who "burns" and I cannot stomach the idea of being single for the rest of my life
    And I am seriously considering telling her that if she wants it, then despite what I told her previously, I just cannot be the one to formally file.
    She kept this all to herself and just laid it one me one night before I had to go to work.
    I believe that God can forgive remarriage after divorce but that is a route that I absolutely do not wish to go down. If my wife were to wish to talk with me then I would welcome her back with open arms if we could try to work out our differences. But again this seems very unlikely.

  • #2
    Re: On the verge of divorce

    Originally posted by KennyB View Post
    I have just found this thread, and unfortunately my wife and I are on the verge of divorcing. Both of us are born again, and the reasons are not adultery. She out of the blue informed me recently she did not think the marriage was working and that it was not going to change and that she was going to be moving out. Now all of her stuff is gone.
    The whole thing has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I was shocked by the whole thing and unfortunately but I think understandably I was angered by her decision. I told her if she wanted it she was going to be the one to pay for it.
    After a few days had passed and talking with concerned family members about my finances, I decided to inform her that I was also unhappy during the marriage and that she need not worry about paying for the divorce. I absolutely STILL DO NOT WANT THIS DIVORCE! However if her mind is that made up then I cannot change it. I am conflicted about being the one to file as I am afraid it would bring guilt on me.
    Family have told me that she has in effect already divorced me so all I would be doing is giving her what she wants. She does not make anywhere near the money I do which is why I told her I would pay for it.
    I still love her even though some hurtful things have been said by me in my hurt and anger over this whole thing.
    And to make matters more difficult I have autism disorder.
    My wife and I both decided it best to eliminate or reduce our communications, and we have done so.
    Does it put a sin on me if my wife has declared her intention to divorce me, and I am the one who files?
    Honestly speaking I am a person who "burns" and I cannot stomach the idea of being single for the rest of my life
    And I am seriously considering telling her that if she wants it, then despite what I told her previously, I just cannot be the one to formally file.
    She kept this all to herself and just laid it one me one night before I had to go to work.
    I believe that God can forgive remarriage after divorce but that is a route that I absolutely do not wish to go down. If my wife were to wish to talk with me then I would welcome her back with open arms if we could try to work out our differences. But again this seems very unlikely.
    I'm assuming you don't have any children since you have not mentioned them. Nothing keeps her from filing if she wants and you still being the one who pays for it. Are you talking about a no contest divorce, where lawyers won't be involved and she doesn't want anything but just divorced? I'm just trying to get some information here so as to better understand the situation.
    ***
    Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
    For You are the God of my salvation;
    On You I wait all the day.

    Psalms 25:5
    ***

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: On the verge of divorce

      It is uncontested with no kids.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: On the verge of divorce

        I don't think it makes any difference to God whether you literally filed for divorce or not. Once you are separated, the legality of it is only something formal to do, and I don't think that makes it worse in God's eyes. I think it does matter to Him why you divorce in the first place.
        Glorious Day
        Living He loved me
        Dying He saved me
        Buried He carried my sins far away
        Risen He justified
        Freely forever
        One day He's coming
        Oh Glorious Day!

        Casting Crowns

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: On the verge of divorce

          Originally posted by KennyB View Post
          It is uncontested with no kids.
          Well as I said you can have her be the signature filer while you are the one providing the money. You also can try to "woe" her back ... marriage is not an easy thing ... and there are ups and downs ... and sometimes one has to do more of the "work" than the other ...
          ***
          Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
          For You are the God of my salvation;
          On You I wait all the day.

          Psalms 25:5
          ***

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: On the verge of divorce

            The reason she gave for wanting to divorce are that we do not "click". I unfortunately also have a bit of a temper problem which she told me she cannot handle. I have repeatedly told her she has nothing to worry about as far as that goes but she was unconvinced. I offered to get help for that but even then she told me even if it were not the temper problem then it still would not work because we just do not "click". She says we both have equal fault in this.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: On the verge of divorce

              As I also said I have two big concerns with this and they are that I simply do not want this, and that if I were to be the one to file then I am afraid that would put a sin on myself.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: On the verge of divorce

                When she threw all of this on me it all moved VERY quickly afterwards. The rings are gone now as is all of her stuff....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: On the verge of divorce

                  She kept all of this to herself and did not tell me things were bothering her that bad. She told me her health is suffering from the stress of the marriage (she has cerebral palsy). I had absolutely no clue that the marriage was the cause of her restlessness and the other problems she had not told me about until she said she wanted to end the marriage. She did not talk to me about what was going on inside of her.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: On the verge of divorce

                    You see though that you were unhappy some also, yes? And you see you have not been perfect yourself, yes? You need to decide if you want to fight for this marriage or not ... and that doesn't necessarily mean you will be successful if you do. But you never know unless you try ...
                    ***
                    Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
                    For You are the God of my salvation;
                    On You I wait all the day.

                    Psalms 25:5
                    ***

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: On the verge of divorce

                      One thing I am afraid of is that if the divorce does happen, that since no adultery or extramarital relations occurred, then we are in the eyes of God still bound.
                      I am a person who has a pretty strong drive. I do not want to live the rest of my life alone because of her decision to leave.
                      I had legitimately prayed to be a better husband.
                      My wife told me that she felt that we did not get to know each other enough before we married.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: On the verge of divorce

                        Originally posted by KennyB View Post
                        One thing I am afraid of is that if the divorce does happen, that since no adultery or extramarital relations occurred, then we are in the eyes of God still bound.
                        I am a person who has a pretty strong drive. I do not want to live the rest of my life alone because of her decision to leave.
                        I had legitimately prayed to be a better husband.
                        My wife told me that she felt that we did not get to know each other enough before we married.
                        I don't think any get to know each other "enough" before marriage ... some do much better than others. At this point maybe the best thing is not to concentrate and be so worried about your "pretty strong drive" ... and leave things in God's hands to work this all out for you one way or another.
                        ***
                        Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
                        For You are the God of my salvation;
                        On You I wait all the day.

                        Psalms 25:5
                        ***

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: On the verge of divorce

                          You may be correct on that. Right now my mind is overloaded with trying to deal with this issue.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: On the verge of divorce

                            I knew that there were things I felt she could have worked on, yes. But I felt that maybe over time things could change. But she all of a sudden informed me she wanted to end the marriage and I suggested maybe we could work on it and she said it would not work.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: On the verge of divorce

                              Things you "felt she could have worked on??? When did she leave, how long ago?
                              ***
                              Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
                              For You are the God of my salvation;
                              On You I wait all the day.

                              Psalms 25:5
                              ***

                              Comment

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