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Struggling with postpartum anxiety over death

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  • Struggling with postpartum anxiety over death

    I have a daughter who is now 8 months old. When I was pregnant with her, I started to get a lot of anxiety that I would die during my scheduled c-section and never get to see her. I was convinced that something would go wrong and I would die either during or after her birth. I was also worried that something would happen to her. It was such a severe anxiety that I almost couldn't enjoy being pregnant with her. During the last month or two of my pregnancy with her, I was really struggling with my salvation. I kept thinking that I didn't feel saved and was worried that if I died I would go to hell. I watched a sermon about assurance and felt extreme emotion or conviction? I cried so much during that sermon and prayed afterward. I really poured out my heart to God. I felt like maybe I had made a breakthrough with my assurance. Thankfully my daughter was born perfectly healthy and I am still alive to raise her. I was readmitted to the hospital a week after having her though and discovered I had a blood clot. This didn't help my fear of death that was still with me even after she was born. I ended up going on prozac because I felt like I had postpartum depression/anxiety. I had postpartum depression with my first child too. After months on Prozac, I realized my fear of death still wasn't gone. I keep thinking that life is so short and death will come way too soon. I am not sure if I am going to heaven and even if I am I feel like I will miss life here so much. I know that sounds silly but I wish I could live forever. For a person who doesn't want to die, I am ironically severely depressed. I feel like I am wasting my life stuck in this cycle of fear and depression. I feel like a failure as a mom. If I don't know if I am saved how am I supposed to teach my kids about God?

  • #2
    Re: Struggling with postpartum anxiety over death

    Always remember Jesus, honour his sacrifices and learn who he is.

    Revelation 1:17-18:When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. But He placed His right hand on me and said, "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last, 18the Living One. I was dead, and behold, now I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of Death and of Hades."

    If you have a personal relationship with Christ through prayer, then he will have your back even unto death. Most people scoff at him anyway, so just the fact that you believe in him makes you special.


    • #3
      Re: Struggling with postpartum anxiety over death

      I just read your post about two hours ago.

      I am sorry that you are suffering. I have anxiety and depression. I have just been weaned off of Prozac after a long while because my doctor, counselor, and I feel like I have made a lot of progress. Am I 100% healed? No. But I am light years from where I was. I have never had a child, but I do understand the mental issues.

      Does your doctor know that you have a fear of death? Paranoia about death is common in postpartum. Now that a mother has children to care for the fear of her being separated from them can be overwhelming. Do you go to counseling?

      We are not doctors here and can give no medical counsel except to tell all of these things to licensed professionals.

      But about your spiritual worries. The paranoia of death might be spilling over to a paranoia about your salvation. Notice I said might be - again, we are not licensed here.

      Here's what I do know. Crying and getting emotional is perfectly fine. But crying and getting emotional isn't a sign of salvation. I've cried many tears before with God. But calm and rational understanding brings peace. When Christians struggle with doubt of their security it is agonizing. I can only imagine that that agony is compounded immensely by anxiety and depression.

      We are fragile creatures. We get frightened over a lot of things. Why do you think the Bible says "fear not" so much. And our "feelings" often times get in the way. It's a blessing for me to know that my feelings of doubt over anything can never erase the blood of Jesus Christ and his work in my life.

      Here is what the Bible says about salvation and assurance. The first two are from Billy Graham. The second two from me.
      • God cannot lie. He says, "Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved". And "The one who comes to me I will certainly no wise cast out." Romans 10:13 and John 6:37
      • Jesus paid it ALL. He said, "It is finished!" John 10:30
      • The Holy Spirit is our guarantee - not our emotional state. "It is God who establishes both you and us in Christ. He anointed us. and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee." 2 Corinthians 1:21-22
      • Our salvation is not in our hands - it's in the hand of God "“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand” John 10:28–29

      Our fears and emotions and doubts will come and go and the devil loves it. He doesn't care what you are anxious or depressed about. Just so long as you are in emotional and spiritual bondage.

      Don't go looking for assurance in places where no assurance lies: emotions, feelings, opinions of others, or elsewhere. Look to see what God has said about those who have placed their trust in him.
      "'s your nickel"


      • #4
        Re: Struggling with postpartum anxiety over death

        Perfect love casts out all fear.