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  • watchinginawe
    replied
    Re: Iím a disaster

    Originally posted by Bigchris View Post
    So here I am. Without the hope of afterlife. Without an intimate relationship with my wife or God. And with a mortal, terrifying fear of death and nothingness that goes back to my childhood. Big Chris is a big tough guy on the outside. Heís a mess on the inside. I donít know if thereís any going back now that evolution seems so real, and atheism sprouts from it. The more I look the more convincing it is, and the creationist arguments seem so logically weak. So here I am.
    BC, it might be a blur from the start to where you are now, but you made it to now with the support of your faith. Let's label that "belief in God" for now. Because BC is a tough guy, he never really needed to work very much on His belief in God to enjoy the commensurate strength. If there were beds to be laid in that BC made, no big deal.

    Meanwhile, the enemy has not been sleeping. The enemy understands that if he could strip you of our belief in God then your house would fall. Where you are now is only different because your underpinning (lets call it a Worldview) has come under attack and your basis for ALL information processing is "under repair".

    This is what happens when something like evolution is allowed to slip past the gates of our not very much work on "belief in God".

    Time to get to work. It would have been best to study "Creation" first instead of evolution. But the good news is that evolution is pretty much a fairy tale where it matters, and where it matters is the creation (or for the benefit of educators, formation) of the first life and for evidence that Darwinism really can account for the information necessary to build even a simple single celled life form. Note that our bodies have trillions of cells, and there just isn't a good accounting for how that could have been built FROM AN ATHEISTIC VIEWPOINT, which is a materialist worldview.

    Time to get back to Church too. Don't overdo the search, but do be a little bit picky.

    Blessings,

    Leave a comment:


  • bluesky22
    replied
    Re: Iím a disaster

    Originally posted by Bigchris View Post
    If this is in the wrong place, please move it.

    I joined a few days ago. My life is a mess. I don’t what to believe anymore. I don’t know how to come back from where I am, or if I believe it’s possible. I’m either in a crisis of faith and headed to apostasy, or in an existential crisis headed to utter despair. There is no way to include everything, I’ll try to be brief. Here goes.

    I’m 51. I met my wife when we were teenagers. Shortly after I met her, she shared with me she had been “hurt” by her older brother. I had no idea at the time the extent (let your mind go to the darkest possible scenarios). Big Chris loves a rescue, so I was the knight. Eventually we married, and had kids. I have four now, 25, 23, 18 and 12. The children mean more to me than they probably should. My wife began to exhibit mental health issues in her mid 20s. Suicide attempts, personality disorder. We toughed it out for years. She has BPD and was abusive at times, and I didn’t respond well. In 2011 she told me she was babysitting for a couple we knew 12 years earlier. The husband had the wife leave with the children, and made a sexual advance at my wife. She went into what the psychiatrists describe as tonic immobility. The pain of her childhood was back as she couldn’t fight, just as she’d been trained as a child. So a rape to add on to her pain and suffering. She then told me of the level of the atrocities committed on her body by her brother. The next 7 years were filled with one mental hospital stay after another, and she was ultimately diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a sleep disorder from hyper vigilance. We no longer went to church as the memories she’d blocked came back, and she could no longer be around people. There’s volumes more but now we are facing a long term stay in a facility.

    I lost any connection to God along the way, stopped praying, and lived from crisis to crisis. I’ve had much anger towards any idea of God, but Gos was always a failsafe in the back of my mind. The last 7-8 years are a blur. I’m very close to my children. I’m closest to my 18 year old, who went away to college last fall. Somehow we got on the topic of evolution, about which I was undereducated. So I looked into it with the idea I would convince her otherwise. Instead I’ve been sucked in and now nothing makes sense but evolution and random sadness. I should have known better as I have OCD and can dwell on things to the extent that baffles even therapists. She doesn’t know this has happened to me as a result of this, and she seems to be quite well adjusted to her atheism. But this has stripped me of everything I believed in. I no longer have the hope of seeing my wife’s glorified body, and of justice finally coming to those who hurt her, as I’m struggling with the very concept of God. I no longer see any meaning in life. The science looks so real, and for me, if Genesis isn’t literal, the whole construct comes down.

    So here I am. Without the hope of afterlife. Without an intimate relationship with my wife or God. And with a mortal, terrifying fear of death and nothingness that goes back to my childhood. Big Chris is a big tough guy on the outside. He’s a mess on the inside. I don’t know if there’s any going back now that evolution seems so real, and atheism sprouts from it. The more I look the more convincing it is, and the creationist arguments seem so logically weak. So here I am.
    I don’t know if there’s any going back now that evolution seems so real, and atheism sprouts from it. The more I look the more convincing it is, and the creationist arguments seem so logically weak. So here I am.
    [/QUOTE]

    Hey Chris, thanks sharing your story. Sounds like you have had a rough go. If I can help with any questions, start a thread in apologetics re:your above quote, I would be happy to give you my take.

    This scripture jumped at out me for you.

    He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

    Leave a comment:


  • jayne
    replied
    Re: Iím a disaster

    First, Chris, welcome to the Bibleforums. Secondly, my heart hurts for you, your wife, and your children.

    Thirdly, we are not professionals, only Christian laypeople, so we can offer no medical advice and take all counsel a friendly, but non professional.

    With that being said, you are not the only one who has taken a tailspin into the abyss of doubt and disbelief because of pain.

    I'm a Christian who also taught science for many years in the public school system. I love genuine and true science and I love Christ and believe the Bible, every word. But I would suggest that for these first few posts, let's set aside Creation vs. Evolution.

    You've been very honest here about your doubts/fears. Have you taken them also to God and told him in detail what's happening to you? God already knows but prayer can help tremendously. He asked us to cast our care on him. And Psalm 72:12 says that God will hear our cries when we cry out to him.

    Tell God everything you've told us here. Read it - prayerfully - to God. Ask him for his tremendous mercies. That's step #1. Why God wants us to pray - I'll never know. But his word commands us to and Jesus taught us to. It's important.

    We are here to listen and talk about anything.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bigchris
    started a topic Iím a disaster

    Iím a disaster

    If this is in the wrong place, please move it.

    I joined a few days ago. My life is a mess. I donít what to believe anymore. I donít know how to come back from where I am, or if I believe itís possible. Iím either in a crisis of faith and headed to apostasy, or in an existential crisis headed to utter despair. There is no way to include everything, Iíll try to be brief. Here goes.

    Iím 51. I met my wife when we were teenagers. Shortly after I met her, she shared with me she had been ďhurtĒ by her older brother. I had no idea at the time the extent (let your mind go to the darkest possible scenarios). Big Chris loves a rescue, so I was the knight. Eventually we married, and had kids. I have four now, 25, 23, 18 and 12. The children mean more to me than they probably should. My wife began to exhibit mental health issues in her mid 20s. Suicide attempts, personality disorder. We toughed it out for years. She has BPD and was abusive at times, and I didnít respond well. In 2011 she told me she was babysitting for a couple we knew 12 years earlier. The husband had the wife leave with the children, and made a sexual advance at my wife. She went into what the psychiatrists describe as tonic immobility. The pain of her childhood was back as she couldnít fight, just as sheíd been trained as a child. So a rape to add on to her pain and suffering. She then told me of the level of the atrocities committed on her body by her brother. The next 7 years were filled with one mental hospital stay after another, and she was ultimately diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a sleep disorder from hyper vigilance. We no longer went to church as the memories sheíd blocked came back, and she could no longer be around people. Thereís volumes more but now we are facing a long term stay in a facility.

    I lost any connection to God along the way, stopped praying, and lived from crisis to crisis. Iíve had much anger towards any idea of God, but Gos was always a failsafe in the back of my mind. The last 7-8 years are a blur. Iím very close to my children. Iím closest to my 18 year old, who went away to college last fall. Somehow we got on the topic of evolution, about which I was undereducated. So I looked into it with the idea I would convince her otherwise. Instead Iíve been sucked in and now nothing makes sense but evolution and random sadness. I should have known better as I have OCD and can dwell on things to the extent that baffles even therapists. She doesnít know this has happened to me as a result of this, and she seems to be quite well adjusted to her atheism. But this has stripped me of everything I believed in. I no longer have the hope of seeing my wifeís glorified body, and of justice finally coming to those who hurt her, as Iím struggling with the very concept of God. I no longer see any meaning in life. The science looks so real, and for me, if Genesis isnít literal, the whole construct comes down.

    So here I am. Without the hope of afterlife. Without an intimate relationship with my wife or God. And with a mortal, terrifying fear of death and nothingness that goes back to my childhood. Big Chris is a big tough guy on the outside. Heís a mess on the inside. I donít know if thereís any going back now that evolution seems so real, and atheism sprouts from it. The more I look the more convincing it is, and the creationist arguments seem so logically weak. So here I am.
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