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Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

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  • Please Help Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

    Hi, I am struggling with addiction to... well, basically, sin. Whether it be binge eating, tobacco, drinking, cannabis, masturbation... I am guilty of all these things, and if it were not for external forces stopping me, I would indulge in all these and more, on a daily basis. It has proven to be impossible for me to stop these habits unless I confront the root cause of why I'm doing these self-destructive things: they're all distractions.

    I cannot face my past, and with darkness as my history, I can't help but think I should be elsewhere. I sin not just for pleasure but mostly to alleviate mental anguish.

    And I'm constantly under attack, spiritually and mentally: Spiritually by Satan who reminds me of painful memories and distorts them to look like the worst possible nightmares, and mentally by people around me against whom I am too drained to stand up for myself.

    I have stalled. I have put all progress aside to sit at home. From here I can do whatever the LORD calls me to do, if I can only master my own thoughts.

    But I am learning that physical sins like binge eating, tobacco and drinking, first start with the mind and Spirit. And it goes back to the fact that they're all distractions. My worst sins are sins of the mind, the fact that I'm not brave enough to look back at all the wrong I've done and had done to me. It's ugly, so ugly that I choose time and again to look in other directions.

    The damage is done, I'm at rock bottom. I'm at a point in my life where I need to know who I am, where I come from and why I am where I am, but the past is painful and my addictions are calling me.

    I'm hoping someone can give me advice, whether biblical or personal, about this issue.

  • #2
    Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

    I just have a brief counsel.

    You are right that these things are sometimes symptomatic of something deeper.

    Pray about and try focusing really hard on NOT focusing on these addictive symptoms. What I mean is that so often we struggle too hard to abstain from various sins and in doing so.....that's all we can think about.

    One thing about what Jesus said when he gave the words "deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me" is that many Christians in trying SO HARD to deny themselves that they ...

    ...well, they can't deny themselves. Focusing on the sin, the negative, the desperation to stop, the struggle, and the terrible ways it makes you feel is NOT denying ourselves. It's literally giving in to helplessness and wallowing in the angst of addictive sins.

    Living like this, which is what so many Christians go through in their lives from time to time, is the opposite of denying yourself. It's the most selfish thing we can do. And we think we are doing the right thing, the best thing, the only thing ..... and all it does is to perpetuate the problem and that makes our dwelling on it all the time, the wrong thing.

    It's like when a person is trying to eat right and they wake up and say, "I'm not going to drink sodas today." Well, that's the first thing they crave and all they can think about all day. And the more they crave it and think about it, the more and harder they work to deny it.

    It's not about will power or being disgusted by sin.

    Some people live in monastery of their own minds. Trying so hard to hide it all from the world and to segregate themselves from others mentally and to fight the battle by persecuting themselves with "self-denial" by mentally and spiritually flogging themselves until they are in mental and spiritual torment.
    "'s your nickel"


    • #3
      Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

      That's very helpful, I suppose God is not like a man who whips your back whenever you sin and then throws you away into hell... which honestly is how I've been feeling towards God lately.


      • #4
        Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

        I've effectively been running away from Corinth, Mississippi for 16 years now.

        Just simply visiting there, it is painful for me to even be there.

        This is all a very long story.

        In my case, it isn't being UNWILLING to face the past that is the problem.


        • #5
          Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

          Translucent, a few months ago you posted this:

          Let's start back there, how is your battle against thoughts of fornication going? It would be very like Satan to try to steal away some of the ground you've made up immediately after a step in the right direction, trying to discourage you or trip you up.

          I once asked my Dad who has experience dealing with people in addictions whether he believed God could heal someone of alcoholism such that they could feel the self control to have one drink, and just one.

          His reply was "no", in so many words - where he basically said it would be stupid to ever assume you were not an addict anymore, and trying a drink would be foolish.

          I pondered that for a long time.

          Let's take pornography as another example, we know it is destructive to the mind. Of course a small peek at porn is destructive. Alcohol is not much different.

          But let's say that you are confronted with pornography you did not go looking for? What then? It's on the billboards, it's everywhere. How do you deal with the thoughts of doubt and fear if you see soft porn when you go shopping, or a poorly dressed girl.

          The answer, as I see it, is to understand that God is not counting your sins.

          He already forgot all your sin bro, ON THE CROSS BRO! It's all in your past, every sin you will ever commit is already in the past, Christ took all that on his broken body bro. This gives you the freedom to turn away and walk away guilt free, free bro. The shame is from the devil, shake it off, accept the love of God.
          As the "thief" in the night, Christ is going to suddenly appear on the throne of Israel - not the antichrist.


          • #6
            Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

            I could have written this. I was looking at this site hoping to find something that reflected my life right now and you did it.


            • #7
              Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

              Hi Aijalon, I have succumbed to all temptation recently and lost faith in myself, but I still remember the dream from the post you mentioned.

              But what your dad said resonates with me. Also, what Jesus said "I reprove and discipline those whom I love", is crossing my mind right now.

              Let me tell you a brief story about myself. When I was younger and going through school, I looked up to a lot of people who seemed to have energy and power, who were popular, etc. I myself was shy and really didn't want to be there, but was forced to. Eventually I dropped out of school and never went back. I think I've been brainwashed by Satan from then on, who lead me to want what the popular kids had: power. But in my heart I shy away from evil and refuse to have anything to do with people who take the crooked path, who invite everyone else to do the same with them. When I sin, I do it alone, which further made me become an outcast.

              Since I could not integrate into the school life and didn't fit in, I had to find work however I could, so I worked myself like a horse to stay afloat which lead to burnout and a schizophrenia diagnoses. I've been living off disability since 2012, but what with my drinking and smoking habit, it's not enough to be independent. So I rely on my parents and in the past roommates, but having to rely on someone else is stifling the path I believe God wants me to take, and that is to praise Him in all that I do. I am not happy but have a lot of free time, which makes me susceptible to addictive habits, especially when Satan tells me that I am a failure and there's no hope.

              But I'm starting to realize that everything that happened in the past has been in my favour, and subconsciously I got everything I wanted. It's other people who can't see that, and as they do, they judge and demean me to puff themselves up. I think I came up with a solution, a reason I will quit smoking, drinking, masturbation, etc: I want to be fully independent, and not spend so much time around my parents and friends. I want my own apartment, and if I can quit smoking and drinking, I should be able to afford it without having to work. That will give me a reason to stop my filthy habits, and at the same time make me free to develop the skills I want to attain, such as in writing, but also if I take those bad habits I can replace them with good ones such as exercise and just being out and about under the sun more.

              I have made my decision, this is what I will do. Necessity is the mother of invention and being forced to stop my drinking and smoking for financial reasons might be the motivation that I desire. When it comes to addictions one thing leads to another and so I will try to do what the Lord wants for me, and that is to break the chains and live a more holy lifestyle.


              • #8
                Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

                Your not guilty of cannabis. The Lord God made that and gave it as a gift for food in Genesis 1:29. In Genesis after he made it He described it as good, and after her gave it as a gift for food He described it as very good. I don't blame God for that though I thank Him. You may be guilty of smoking though, that is forbidden, but the people who believed the words of men over the word of God also share the guilt on that, making the sanctified gift of God illegal raises the price which causes people to smoke as less quantity produces more effect that way. Evil begets only more evil so choose good and when God himself says something is good believe


                • #9
                  Re: Running away, unwilling to face the past, a need for distractions

                  Thread closed for now.
                  "'s your nickel"