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  • Discussion (Dis)Respect

    My wife and I recently joined a couples group in church that is discussing the fireproof movie. Our first meeting was about love and respect. One of the questions asked to the husbands was how we experience disrespect, since respect is an important issue to men. I had a hard time coming up with an answer, so I'd like to pose the question here and ask what you guys would say.

    Example: one of the wives shared how her husband feels disrespected when she puts out the garbage on the steps. The husband proceeded to explain why: one day his wife took out the garbage, but put it in an inconvenient spot. He then asked his wife to put it in a different spot that they both agreed on. When his wife then put the garbage in the spot she did before, he felt disrespected. Not because garbage is all that important, but because he feels like she didn't listen to him and doesn't value what he finds important.

    This might seem petty, but it's a real life example of how a husband experiences disrespect. Can you give some examples of how you experience disrespect? Or conversely, how you experience respect?
    Who have I in heaven but You oh God? Besides You, I desire nothing here on earth. My heart and my flesh may fail me, but God will be the strength of my heart and my portion for me, the nearness of God is my good - Psalm 73:25-26, 28a

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  • #2
    Gina and I have been together since high school and she is really great at showing respect. We learned a long time ago that women need to be shown love more and men need to be shown respect.

    Probably the only time that she really frustrates me is when she answers for us as a couple in the public. She usually answers the same way i do but it just feels good when she turns and looks at me to answer people


    • #3
      The big one for me is when we engage other people in conversation. I experience disrespect when someone asks me a question and my wife answers, or if she interrupts and continues on from something I'm saying. For a good couple of months it was infuriating me and causing a boatload of friction until a mentor of mine shed some light on the situation.

      I'm an only child. In my house anyone who wanted to talk could do so, because there was plenty of time for anyone to get their say. My wife is one of 3 energetic girls, so in her house if there was a moment of silence, you had to jump on it if you wanted to be heard. Those different family dynamics raised two VERY different approaches to conversations: where I like to pause before I answer, she interprets a pause as my deferral to her.

      And when I finally brought that two her, months of difficulty just instantly righted itself.


      • #4
        Originally posted by HisLeast View Post
        where I like to pause before I answer, she interprets a pause as my deferral to her.
        I see a trend here. The same thing happens with my wife and I. She finishes my answers or interjects comments or opinions before I've finished my sentence. That, and she will start talking about a completely different subject when I'm halfway through a sentence or ask me a question and start talking before I've had a chance to answer.

        She's gotten much, much better about it, but that's the one thing that I feel disrespects me the most because it makes me feel that she doesn't really care what I have to say.
        In memory of Corinne Joy Berndtson
        Nov. 15, 1999 - Nov. 14, 2003

        Some people's prayers need to be cut short at both ends and set on fire in the middle - Dwight L. Moody


        • #5
          The greatest disrespect is whenever a wife usurps the husband's role as head - in particular in front of the children (or others or, worst of all, in public) and especially in a disrespectful tone. It is just about the clearest antithesis of what a Christian marriage should be - and let me tell you, I've seen it happen!