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  • Boyfriend stuffs

    I have a boyfriend who is a non-Christian. Don't bother telling me to dump him due to his religious status. Not. Gonna. Happen. In my introductory post I said that I had bad experiences with Christians. I will happily explain that all in the testimonial forum.

    Anyways he is super sweet and kind and nice and I really care about him. The only thing is we met on Tinder and he lives in a different state than I do. Yes I have met him in person. Over Christmas break I went to meet him. He is not a creep, he is not anyone bad. He was a perfect gentleman.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to make the most of a long distance relationship?

    Thanks.

  • #2
    Re: Boyfriend stuffs

    Well, you've pretty much told us what we can and cannot tell you and you seem leery of Christians, so I'll just say that this particular forum stays empty alot. It may be a while before one of the women posts here.
    sigpic
    ".....it's your nickel"

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    • #3
      Re: Boyfriend stuffs

      I used to feel like you did that dating a non-Christian wasn't a big deal, but it can be if your relationship moves beyond the casual dating (in the Christian sense which means of course abstaining from sex, etc). The problem is many Christians are thinking that sex in a long-term relationship (not marriage) is okay. What are his feeling on this? It can be really hard to mature spiritually being a believer and yoked with a non-believer. That doesn't mean non-believers cannot have morals and as you say "are not creeps." However, it can be hard enough to commit to purity as Christians. I guess I am saying most people see lovemaking as physical when really it's spiritual and physical and the two combine. Even if you abstain from lovemaking, when you fall in love you give a piece of yourself to someone and if they break your heart it can be difficult. Long distance relationships can be done, have you thought to ask why he doesn't believe and maybe work on his spirituality?

      1. Commitment: Speak to one another each day or do little things such as cards, video chat, gifts, etc to feel connected
      2. Respect: You are in a relationship even if the other person isn't physically right there. Keep pictures or video of each other close, talk to others about one another, have day-to-day chats
      3. Time: You must make time each day to work on the relationship. A good thing is you can get to know the good and bad over a longer period of time. One of you will eventually want to move in physical proximity to one another.
      We serve God by serving others. The world defines greatness in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position. If you can demand service from others, you've arrived. In our self-serving culture with its me-first mentality, acting like a servant is not a popular concept. Rick Warren
      [sigpic

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      • #4
        Re: Boyfriend stuffs

        Like WW said you really have to stay in contact... which isn't hard if its a relationship you want... and voice/video chats are better than just texting all the time. I don't have experience with a serious long-distance relationship though, but the closer online friends I have are the ones I play games or watch movies with or just spend free time with. And maybe it's a good idea to meet in real life as often as you can.

        I hope God blesses you.
        「耶和華聖潔無比,獨一無二,沒有磐石像我們的上帝。
        撒母耳記上 (1 Samuel) 2:2

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        • #5
          Re: Boyfriend stuffs

          2 things - I've had a lot of friends who tried what you are trying and I witnessed pretty difficult situations. Then, again, each person is different. First thing I'd like to say is bravo for not being afraid to try despite the differences, especially something as big as spiritual beliefs. Just be a 100% sure that this is something you'd want to do. Dating is a very different situation. If you are going for a long term relationship ... in short ... marriage ... you're going to have to make some difficult choices or he will

          Next, long distance relationships do work, but you have to be open to the fact that you or him will always face temptations. I am not saying that you should be OPEN to it ... just know that it will be there, so do not be overly jealous nor should you be overly trusting. Next, COMMUNICATION is KEY. Always, always talk to one another about your plans. If there is a future together for the two of you - talk about it - it keeps the romance and excitement alive.

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          • #6
            Re: Boyfriend stuffs

            Hi,

            I married the love of my life 12 years ago last November. I live in Europe and he lived in the USA at the time. We started with pm's here on the board, then moved on to yahoo messenger and from that to yahoo messenger with video chat. We were very committed to this relationship as we were 12 hours per day online with each other. I think we were chatting on messenger without video chat for about 3 months when he asked me to marry him, and I accepted his proposal! We had some problems though. First of all I told him that coming to him, which was the initial idea, was impossible due to my disabilities. I really wanted to go there but soon that appeared to be way too unpractical. I would not be allowed to take my wheelchair on the plane, and I can't walk so that would be causing some serious problems, also my hubby had a trailer with stairs in front of it, not high but still a big problem for me and also was his trailer not a really good place to live for someone depending on a wheelchair. So then we decided to turn it around and started to look into the possibility of him coming to me. I asked him that if he came this way, not to go back, because when he finally would be here, I would not be able to let him go again, so that's what we planned. It was in hurricane season that he came here so a few hours after his plane left the airport, it was shut down for tornado threats. Looking back we are very sure we made the right decision as we would have lost everything we owned due to hurricane Katrina (he's from LA, New Orleans). So all in all it was a right decision and after 12 years we are still happy together. So they do work, but most of the time you hear how they go bad.......

            Love you,
            Mieke
            Glorious Day
            Living He loved me
            Dying He saved me
            Buried He carried my sins far away
            Risen He justified
            Freely forever
            One day He's coming
            Oh Glorious Day!

            Casting Crowns

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            • #7
              Re: Boyfriend stuffs

              Well first of all for any other ladies in the future that are dating a non believer; 1. non believers can not be good, goodness only comes from God, only He can cleanse us from sin and make us new again. 2. The Bible commands us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers, period. 3. Make sure that the light you think you have in you is not darkness, a truly converted person would not want to hook their star so to speak to a non believer.

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