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Desperately want to be drawn back

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  • #16
    Originally posted by ProfessorWhat View Post
    I haven't checked in for a couple of days, largely because the feeling that it's all pointless has been getting the better of me. But tomorrow has the potential to be a really bad day, and I guess that, despite my cynicism over prayer, I still want someone to pray for me.

    It's a really strange feeling to doubt something so strongly and still see it as an "only hope."
    We'll be praying for you Brother. Not sure what tomorrow brings but about the worst that can happen is the Election doesn't go the way we want, we go broke, the dog kicks us, etc. If tomorrow is about dealing with consequence, then we pray for mercy and grace upon you and that God will strengthen and encourage you through whatever happens.

    Watchinginawe

    I Samuel 3:10 And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by ProfessorWhat View Post
      I haven't checked in for a couple of days, largely because the feeling that it's all pointless has been getting the better of me. But tomorrow has the potential to be a really bad day, and I guess that, despite my cynicism over prayer, I still want someone to pray for me.

      It's a really strange feeling to doubt something so strongly and still see it as an "only hope."
      A fire is not completely out as long as one glowing ember remains--by which the fire can be rekindled. The fact that you still value prayer is proof that your faith remains intact, which instills hope. Even in the darkest of circumstances, prayer is evidence of faith, since prayer is meaningless without the belief that God cares about you. The Devil loves to see doubt, fear and hopelessness in God's people, and it is the shield of faith that deflects his spiritual attacks against us (Eph 6:16). He knows the eternal destination that awaits him, and seeks to take as many troubled souls with him as he can. Yet, if we submit ourselves to God, and stand firm against the Devil, he will eventually run away (James 4:7). He's looking for easy targets. Don't be one.

      You say you want desperately to be drawn back. Remember that God draws closer to us when we draw closer to Him (James 4:8). When we feel that God is distant, it's us who moved, not Him. Hold fast, keep that last ember glowing, and know that many prayers are ascending on your behalf.

      When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

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      • #18
        I feel like I owe an apology for such a long absence without an update. The particular thing I was worried about didn't go nearly as badly as I expected. That said, I'm still struggling. That's also why I haven't been back.

        Honestly, when I think about it, I'm not sure if it's the feeling of hopelessness or fears based on past experiences that have contributed more to the absence. I think I'm still afraid to admit this to a large degree, but I've suffered from severe depression throughout my life. What makes that worse is that I grew up in church around people who, while they wouldn't say it in so many words, left little doubt that they considered depression to be a sin. As you can imagine, that kept me from recognizing it in myself until a lot of damage had been done, and there's a part of me that still fears that reaction, and I think that part of me feels that God is punishing me for something that's out of my control. Yes, I can see the logic gap there, but it doesn't make it feel any less real.

        I'm sorry if I'm overly negative here, but to those of you who have been reading and responding, thanks for giving me a place to vent all of this.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by ProfessorWhat View Post
          I feel like I owe an apology for such a long absence without an update. The particular thing I was worried about didn't go nearly as badly as I expected. That said, I'm still struggling. That's also why I haven't been back.

          Honestly, when I think about it, I'm not sure if it's the feeling of hopelessness or fears based on past experiences that have contributed more to the absence. I think I'm still afraid to admit this to a large degree, but I've suffered from severe depression throughout my life. What makes that worse is that I grew up in church around people who, while they wouldn't say it in so many words, left little doubt that they considered depression to be a sin. As you can imagine, that kept me from recognizing it in myself until a lot of damage had been done, and there's a part of me that still fears that reaction, and I think that part of me feels that God is punishing me for something that's out of my control. Yes, I can see the logic gap there, but it doesn't make it feel any less real.

          I'm sorry if I'm overly negative here, but to those of you who have been reading and responding, thanks for giving me a place to vent all of this.
          Depression itself is not a sin; it is a symptom of some other cause. It might be chemical or it might be psychological or it might have some other basis. Consider the depression God's gift to you, given so that you might become aware of something that needs your attention. It can be something as simple as a lack of sunlight, or the depression might be masking hidden resentment. I don't know. All I know is that depression is NOT a sin; depression does not signal a lack faith or trust in God.

          I know a Christian man who loves the lord very deeply. He suffers great depression and yet, he also experiences Christian Joy. Christian joy is more than a feeling, much deeper and more profound. Even Christians who suffer depression experience Christian Joy. He has a very positive attitude. But he lives with the depression and as far as I know, the Lord has not taken it away yet. He has been to counselling, and tried drug therapy but not much of a change. He now lives in seclusion, apart from the rest of the church. But he hasn't lost his faith or his trust in God. He remains a man of deep conviction and hope, awaiting the day when he will be free.

          Hope this helps.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by ProfessorWhat View Post
            ... That leads me to question how good or loving He really is. I question how a loving God could create people that He knew from the beginning would suffer for eternity in Hell. I just can't wrap my mind around that. ...
            May we begin with this? What you presently believe on this subject, is not actually taught in scripture. God is "long suffering", not "eternally suffering" sin/sinners. If you would like to consider what the Bible does teach about God's final executive judgment, I would be glad to. We can start with simple texts and work up to more complicated ones if you would like?

            Originally posted by ProfessorWhat View Post
            ... The fact of the matter is, I want the Bible to be true. If it's not, there's no hope. ...
            Well, the Bible is true, whether you or I, or anyone other than God thought so. Yet, if you would like, I would be glad to assist you in any way that I can to help build your confidence in God's inspired and preserved word. In other words I see you asking, "... Lord, help thou mine unbelief." (Mar. 9:24) Ok, God will help if you are sincere. He loves to help.
            Last edited by Vitamin-Christ; Dec 22 2020, 11:13 AM. Reason: sp.

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