Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: A real man....

  1. #1

    Help A real man....

    I wasn't sure where to post this, but seeing as I'm hoping for answers/discussion, this seemed the appropriate place.

    Some time ago, from some place or another, I found an image posted which was the text of a comparison between so-called "nice guys" and "real men". It would be lengthy to post here, Mind that it's just a site I found that happens to have the text, so I did't read the other posts.

    At any rate, it is basically laying out behaviors and traits of a "nice guy" (insecurity, low self-esteem, neediness, etc.) in contrast to those of a well-balanced, secure and stable "real man". This is in the context of dating (as the site I linked to would indicate) and is therefore, as they say, relevant to my interests.

    Somewhat more to the point, however is that, even though the text itself has nothing at all to do with God, one would be hard-pressed, I think, to find a point at which it's unbiblical. What's more, I personally find it very hard hitting, inasmuch as I find I possess many of the "nice guy" traits, and dearly wish I possessed the "real man" traits.

    I would perhaps come as no surprise that my motivation for desiring to replace my poorer traits with the more admirable ones is, quite in keeping with the context of the text itself, is to meet and be able to have a relationship with a woman.

    My question, finally, is this: How can or should I go about making this transition. I have already determined that this is something I should talk to God about, and I hope and intend to, but admittedly my prayer life has been greatly lacking of late. That notwithstanding, it's difficult to not feel this as a hopeless thing. I was hoping here to get some advice, or at least commentary on this point.

    Many thanks, and eagerly awaiting replies...

    EDITED TO REMOVE LINK.
    Last edited by -SEEKING-; Jun 15th 2010 at 07:43 PM. Reason: Removed link to another forum.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Eze 15:2-7
    Posts
    11,275
    Blog Entries
    6
    A lot of it boils down to being comfortable in your own skin. If you're not comfortable in your own skin you'll show a lot of the signs of insecurity; if you are comfortable with who and what you are you'll show a lot of the signs of feeling secure.

    Comfort with yourself is something that you can't get from a book, it's something you need to realise for yourself. It will involve taking the chance that people won't like the real you and reject you, and taking that risk for the first time can be uncomfortable. It can be unpleasant too, if people do see the real you and reject it.

    When it comes to dating the big question to look for is what's driving your approach. I always found that when I was actively looking for "Miss Right" I never found her but when I was just getting on with my life it was far more likely that women would find me. I suspect the problem was that when I was actively looking I might have had my eye on one person who wasn't interested and ended up oblivious to those who were.

    As a Christian you are a child of God, and if you can feel secure in knowing that you're at least on the right tracks.

    1Pe 2:9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;
    24 August 2013 - I've decided to take a break from a number of internet forums, including this one, for my own reasons.
    I expect to be back at some time in the future, although at present don't know when that will be.
    I've been here just a few days shy of six years, and those six years have been greatly blessed.

    ---

    1Jn 4:1 NKJV Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
    1Th 5:21-22 NKJV Test all things; hold fast what is good. (22) Abstain from every form of evil.




  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Terra Firma
    Posts
    12,002
    Well said.

    And I reckon the things you describe here, iamHis, are simply those that pertain to growth, an itchiness to become all that you can be in Christ.

    Concerning the opposite sex, etc. I'm likely a bit older () but learned long ago to just be myself in that regard. She who is attracted to you will be attracted to who you are, not necessarily what you hope to become or project.

    The single most attractive trait out there, it seems, is the ability to be responsible.

    As a side note: I find it surprising how many of the gals out there are actually attracted to men who are not all that sure about themselves, and who might me hesitant or tentative in their actions or decisions.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    in the gap
    Posts
    8,496
    Blog Entries
    19
    Mod Note to the OP: I'm going to move this over to Solomon's Porch which is our men's forum, since you're a believer. Christian Answers is for unbelievers to come ask questions about our faith. Just FYI.

    Carry on, gentlemen.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    14,962
    Blog Entries
    8
    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww YUCKY! A girl on the porch!!!!
    For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? ~ Deuteronomy 5:26

    If you're not prepared to risk your very life for your "enemy" you have no right to speak to him of love. ~ Daughter

    Many say they are called... but I am pretty convinced that with many of them it was the wrong number. ~ Project Peter

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    In the battle field
    Posts
    11,529
    Quote Originally Posted by DaniHansen View Post
    Mod Note to the OP: I'm going to move this over to Solomon's Porch which is our men's forum, since you're a believer. Christian Answers is for unbelievers to come ask questions about our faith. Just FYI.

    Carry on, gentlemen.
    There's a woman in our forum.
    If Satan can keep us busy swinging our swords at one another, there is no hope of a united attack on the kingdom of darkness. KJV, NIV, ESV or ABCDEFG; there is no time to bicker over such things. We'll devour each other if allowed to continue. We should grab the marching orders written in the way we best understand and get to work.

    Andrew_no_one





  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    In the slave pits of manmade Christianity, setting the captives free.
    Posts
    17,053
    She needs to git back to the kitchen where she belongs.

    There's a great book out related to this issue. If I remember correctly, it is called "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Terra Firma
    Posts
    12,002
    Quote Originally Posted by The Mighty Sword View Post
    There's a woman in our forum.
    Here to espy our flying Kawasaki posters, no doubt...


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    2,104
    I think she derailed the thread by just stopping by!

    Good question iamHis, i think it is key to be yourself so you have to find out who that is. If you want to be all that you can be, study how Jesus lived and try to be like Him. I know that sounds like a canned response but He really set a standard none of us can compare to.

  10. #10
    Thanks for your comments, guys.

    I can understand that much of it has to do with identity. I oftentimes feel like I don't really fit in anywhere. I don't really like myself much, but at the same time, I don't really know who I am, if that makes sense. I find it a little embarrassing because I'm 26 and I figure I should have a lot of this stuff figured out, but I've always been something of a late bloomer, so to speak.

    I'd like to be able to feel secure in how God feels about me, but I've never really been able to get there, and I'm not really sure of how to do so. It's hard to know what to do, and in the mean time what I really long for most is to be in a relationship, and very frequently I get to feeling anxious and impatient.

    @tango - I appreciate what you said about getting on with life and women finding you. It makes sense, but it isn't easy to accept that I have to take my eyes off of what I want most in order to see the actualization of it. Thinking about that, it sort of feels like giving up hope...

    That being said, though, I'm reminded of the fact that the dimmer stars are more visible in the periphery of our vision...

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Eze 15:2-7
    Posts
    11,275
    Blog Entries
    6
    Quote Originally Posted by iamHis View Post
    It's hard to know what to do, and in the mean time what I really long for most is to be in a relationship, and very frequently I get to feeling anxious and impatient.
    I hear what you're saying - for the longest time what I wanted was "a girlfriend" although what I didn't realise at the time was that I needed to be more specific in terms of what I wanted than just that. I assume you're looking for a Christian girl, and for someone who shares at least some common interests with you. Immediately you start to narrow down what you're looking for and then you can think about places you're most likely to meet such a person. Even then, remember that you need to be going to places because they are of interest to you. Let's say you like candle making so you sign up for a candle making class. If you're going to the class to learn about making better candles you'll enjoy it, and if you happen to meet a Christian girl there then so much the better. If you're only going along in the hopes of meeing someone you'll regard the course as a waste of time if you don't spot anyone there and also miss out on what you might have learned.

    @tango - I appreciate what you said about getting on with life and women finding you. It makes sense, but it isn't easy to accept that I have to take my eyes off of what I want most in order to see the actualization of it. Thinking about that, it sort of feels like giving up hope...

    That being said, though, I'm reminded of the fact that the dimmer stars are more visible in the periphery of our vision...
    In many ways it's the kind of thing that can be like catching a butterfly. If you chase the butterfly it will constantly elude you, but if you sit and rest it will pitch right beside you.
    24 August 2013 - I've decided to take a break from a number of internet forums, including this one, for my own reasons.
    I expect to be back at some time in the future, although at present don't know when that will be.
    I've been here just a few days shy of six years, and those six years have been greatly blessed.

    ---

    1Jn 4:1 NKJV Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
    1Th 5:21-22 NKJV Test all things; hold fast what is good. (22) Abstain from every form of evil.




  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    14,962
    Blog Entries
    8
    I was on a (first) date with a girl once and she asked me about my thoughts on marriage (in general). I said "I am never getting married!" She breathed a big sigh of relief and said "Good, me neither!"

    That girl and I got married 2 years later. She has been my wife for ten years.
    For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? ~ Deuteronomy 5:26

    If you're not prepared to risk your very life for your "enemy" you have no right to speak to him of love. ~ Daughter

    Many say they are called... but I am pretty convinced that with many of them it was the wrong number. ~ Project Peter

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    2,104
    Quote Originally Posted by Urban Missionary View Post
    I was on a (first) date with a girl once and she asked me about my thoughts on marriage (in general). I said "I am never getting married!" She breathed a big sigh of relief and said "Good, me neither!"

    That girl and I got married 2 years later. She has been my wife for ten years.
    That is probably the best way to get started! When we set out to find our mate, it seems we rush what God has for us.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •