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Thread: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

  1. #1

    Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    OK. This story is MUCH to long to tell. So, I will try my best to explain things as quickly as possible. My first husband and I had 2 boys together. When our boys were 7 & 4, my husband left me for another woman (I found out later he had been cheating on me for the last 3 years of our marriage WHILE PREACHING!). Anyway, I got custody of our boys and raised them. Three years later, I remarried. That is when things took a turn for the worse. My ex-husband was jealous of my new happiness and vowed to make my life miserable. He started lying to my boys and trying to turn them against me. He told them things that were so bizarre about me that it was shocking. My boys would ask me about what they had been told. But because their Dad was a "preacher" (yes, I put that word in quotes - And YES he continues to preach to this day! He just goes to churches where they don't know him.), they thought he wasn't capable of lying. Anyway, over the next few years, he accomplished what he was trying to do. He completely turned my boys against me. My boys are now 20 and 17. I have not seen or talked to them in 4 1/2 years. I have tried, believe me! I call, email, send them gifts in the mail, message them on Facebook, write them hand-written letters, etc. However, they want nothing to do with me. Then, this last Christmas, (Christmas 2014) I sent my boys a pre-paid VISA gift card in a Christmas card along with a long hand-written letter. I told them again how much I love them and miss them and how I would love to see them again. My youngest son kept his. However, my oldest son refused his card and send it back with a big postage stamper on it that said "REFUSED MAIL - RETURN TO SENDER" That broke my heart. Never before had he refused a gift from me. To me, that seems like a whole new level of hatred for me. It has been such a hard 4 1/2 years for me! During this time, my new husband and I have had 2 new little girls together. They don't even know their brothers. That saddens me so much! Never have I even once had all 4 of my kids in the same room together. So, here is my question... My oldest son's birthday is in a few days (on March 15th). Should I even bother sending him anything? I am getting so worn down and tired of "chasing him" and "begging for his time and relationship" only to be pushed away time and again. Should I send him a gift? Or should I just let him have his space and continue to pray for him ( like I do daily)? I am so hurt. These two boys are a part of my heart forever.

  2. #2

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Dear Mom-of-Four

    Your situation and pain is much too hard for me to understand. I think it must be one of the most difficult things to endure when your children are being poisoned against you and there is nothing you can say to defend yourself. Of course they will always be a part of your heart - they are your sons.

    I also think that the only thing you can do now is to continue praying that God will show them the truth about what is really going on. A mother's prayer is very powerful, and must bear fruit in due season. God is very aware of the situation. May He be merciful and answer your prayers soon.

    I wish I could give you better advice, but to tell you the truth, I can't even imagine what you must be going through.

    s
    B.
    Last edited by paidforinfull; Mar 10th 2015 at 08:07 PM.
    Jeremiah 29:11
    "For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." (NASB)

  3. #3

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Your sons should soon realize that their impenitent father has major character flaws and begin to have doubts about what they have been told. Facing that harsh realty, combined with the guilt for the way they have responded to you, may initially cause one or both of your sons to go into denial. By continuing to demonstrate persistent unconditional love for both of them and their impenitent father, you have a much greater chance of seeing the relationship restored.

    Pursuing your sons too aggressively may be just as detrimental as laxity in pursuit. If one begins to respond positively, you will have to be very careful, especially if the other one is the dominant personality. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” - James 1:5. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” - 2 Timothy 1:7.

    When you are absolutely sure that you have totally exhausted the unconditional love and infinite power of God to restore these relationships, then you can consider abandoning pursuit.
    "Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God...." - 1 John 5:1. "Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world " - John 11:25-27.

  4. #4
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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    We share some similarities in our histories.

    It took nearly 18 years for my daughter to accept me. She had been given stories what poisoned her as well.

    Wait and let God sort it out. Seek His face continually. God is aware of your desires and trials. Let Him repair what is broken and trust that He will do so.

    Please don't let this ruin your life and affect the family you have now. Trust Him and press on.

    God made changes in my life and brought my daughter back to me. Along with her, she brought also my two grandsons that I had never seen!

    He can do that for your sons as well. Watch and see what God does. I have found that His ways affect much more than my simple prayers requested. He does great things while we may only notice the things that we asked for.
    Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
    George Orwell

    www.r2ucv.com




  5. #5
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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    I'm praying for you as well Mom...
    Matthew 21:22

  6. #6

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Thank you everybody for your kind words. It helps knowing that I have people praying for this situation! Watching this video on Youtube has helped me... http://youtu.be/nxfdChYCKYA

  7. #7

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    After much prayer, I have decided to send my son some money for his birthday. Sunday (March 15), my oldest son will be 21. Today, I am mailing him a birthday card with a prepaid VISA card in it. I am also including a 3 page letter I have written to him telling him how much I miss him and his brother, and asking him if we could please start over and try to have a relationship again. PLEASE pray for this. I am going to trust in God that my son will receive this card and will actually open it (He sent his Christmas card back unopened). And I am also asking for you all to pray that after reading my letter, he will feel to need to contact me again and want to start a relationship with me again. Please agree with me in prayer on these two things. Thank you!

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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    I would say to tell your sons that Gods Way is Love, and that they and their father do not seem to be following Gods Way.

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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Quote Originally Posted by luigi View Post
    I would say to tell your sons that Gods Way is Love, and that they and their father do not seem to be following Gods Way.
    I agree.....love and forgiveness. Eph. 4:26-32

    And for mom, I'm not sure where you stand with your first husband, but the Lord will better answer you prayers if you forgive him too. God bless....
    Matthew 21:22

  10. #10

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Quote Originally Posted by Crosstalk View Post
    I agree.....love and forgiveness. Eph. 4:26-32

    And for mom, I'm not sure where you stand with your first husband, but the Lord will better answer you prayers if you forgive him too. God bless....
    Crosstalk, I have forgiven my ex-husband a long time ago. I have told him that multiple times. I have even invited him and his new wife (which is the same one he cheated on me with!) to my house to dinner and to birthday parties for my daughters. I have told him over and over that I want all of us to be able to get along and to team up together to be 4 great parents for our boys. He wants nothing to do with that idea. He wants to instead continue on his journey of trying to keep my boys' heads filled with lies.

  11. #11
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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Quote Originally Posted by mom_of_four View Post
    Crosstalk, I have forgiven my ex-husband a long time ago. I have told him that multiple times. I have even invited him and his new wife (which is the same one he cheated on me with!) to my house to dinner and to birthday parties for my daughters. I have told him over and over that I want all of us to be able to get along and to team up together to be 4 great parents for our boys. He wants nothing to do with that idea. He wants to instead continue on his journey of trying to keep my boys' heads filled with lies.
    I'm glad to hear that and I pray the Lord will bless and hear your prayers concerning your sons. Keep us updated and don't lose hope!
    Matthew 21:22

  12. #12
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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Quote Originally Posted by mom_of_four View Post
    After much prayer, I have decided to send my son some money for his birthday. Sunday (March 15), my oldest son will be 21. Today, I am mailing him a birthday card with a prepaid VISA card in it. I am also including a 3 page letter I have written to him telling him how much I miss him and his brother, and asking him if we could please start over and try to have a relationship again. PLEASE pray for this. I am going to trust in God that my son will receive this card and will actually open it (He sent his Christmas card back unopened). And I am also asking for you all to pray that after reading my letter, he will feel to need to contact me again and want to start a relationship with me again. Please agree with me in prayer on these two things. Thank you!
    I immediately felt the need to add my prayers to yours. I am in hope of reading a report of your son's call to you. That would bless my life as well!
    Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
    George Orwell

    www.r2ucv.com




  13. #13
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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Quote Originally Posted by mom_of_four View Post
    Crosstalk, I have forgiven my ex-husband a long time ago. I have told him that multiple times. I have even invited him and his new wife (which is the same one he cheated on me with!) to my house to dinner and to birthday parties for my daughters. I have told him over and over that I want all of us to be able to get along and to team up together to be 4 great parents for our boys. He wants nothing to do with that idea. He wants to instead continue on his journey of trying to keep my boys' heads filled with lies.
    Then, you have done well. What you cannot control is how much guilt may be resting in the heart of the former husband. He will have to get over that guilt - rectify his error with God - before he will get the courage to see you. He also may be held back by the new wife who suffers from the same illness. Pray for their healing that they may get right with God and then forgive themselves. In my opinion - knowing what little about this that I do - these things need to take place first.
    Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
    George Orwell

    www.r2ucv.com




  14. #14

    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    Thank you everyone for your continued prayers. Yesterday was my son's birthday. I still haven't heard from him. I am just hoping and praying that I don't receive his returned letter in the mail soon. I hope he has kept it and read it.

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    Re: Need some heart to heart advice. I am so broken......

    I am praying for reconciliation as well sister.
    2 Ti 2:14 Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearers.

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