
Originally Posted by
keck553
My brother in Law has been neglectful of his wife for some time...not totally neglectful, but specifically in terms of maintaining their home. It could just be a perception on his part, but I realized a few things praying and consulting the council of God regarding husbands. I will post it here:
Considering obedience to Christ, I submit that obedience covers a huge bandwidth - and considering we are told to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), that covers pretty much everything. This is the character issue central to not conforming to the "world," but to be transformed by renewing our minds (Romans 12:2). While this is a life long pursuit, it is also a sign if spiritual maturity.
All people are born carnal and self centered, so self centered in fact, that the command to love God and others is embraced by the two most weighty commandments of God. This is a positive commandment implemented through Moses, but Jesus made the mandate central to a Christian's life, and without any work-arounds.
Although the negative commandments (thou shalt not) are easily discernable, many of the positive commandments have been a challenge to my own spiritual growth - and growth as the man Jesus would have me be. And there is one specific command given to men that will challenge all men - spoken to me in this form:
"Husband, love your wife"
"Love" is used as a verb here. It means God demands that I do things in obedience to Him. Even some things I don't feel like doing.
Having just purchased our new house, I felt led to re-evaluate the importance of making it a home - specifically for my bride. Because Biblically, that is a bridegroom's duty, and it was also exemplified by Jesus as the Bridegroom of His church:
"And if I go and prepare a home for you, I will come again and take you to myself, that where I am, you may be also."
Jesus was building on the Jewish tradition of a bridegroom preparing the dwelling to bring his bride to.
And if this is built on that tradition, I asked myself - what kind of dwelling place will this be that Jesus prepares for us? Will it be on a solid foundation? Will it's walls, structure and comforts stand the test of time? Will it lack anything? Fall in disarray? Will it glorify our Lord?
To personalize it, Paul instructs husbands in Ephesus - "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."
A husband is commanded to labor for the holiness of his bride. It is said that a wife's appearance (or countenance) is a reflection of her husband's love. How humiliating then is it for a man to present his neglected and uncared for wife to the church body? This is not a thing we can "throw our wives under the bus" for if we men get embarrassed. This is a heart issue that is on us husbands; for if our wives are neglected (or their workspace - home - is not cared for and maintained), it will show up. The crown of any wife is her husband and her ability to carry out the positive attributes of the woman of Proverbs 31 is a direct measurement of her husband's stewardship and obedience to God's command to love his wife.
Our Bridegroom Jesus promised that as our Lord, His yoke would be easy and His burden light. How much more of a yoke and a burden is a husband to bear on his wife's shoulders than what Jesus presses on us? Perhaps we should view this in terms of what context Jesus was speaking to. Perhaps He sees a husband who lays a heavy yoke and burden on his wife not much differently than He saw the Pharisees who laid heavy burdens on those Israelites who were trying to obey God.
What kind of burdens would this be? Well...it could be an oven range that does not work correctly and my wife struggles with it. Or it could be part of the house structure that is left in dis-repair and a burden on my wife's ability to operate in her workspace. How would a man like it if the "A" key on his keyboard didn't work consistently and his job performance depended on it?
Jesus told the scribes and Pharisees that they were a wicked and adulterous generation for these things. They probably responded with "No way - we don't serve Ba'al..." or "we are legalistically obedient to God - we even to to the extreme of giving a tithe from our herb pots." "How dare you call us wicked and adulterous....."
But what did Jesus say?
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tithe of your spices, mint, dill and cumin (a good thing). But you have NEGLECTED the more important matters of the Law - justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former."
Neglect is abuse. For the Pharisees, it was an abuse of the blessings of the presence of God in their lives. In a marriage, it is the abuse of the blessing of the presence of his wife. Performing the minimum positive commandments to please our wives is no more pleasing to our wives than the Pharisees performing the minimum positive commandments to please God.
Therefore it is incumbent on me to attend to my wife's need to have a home that shows her groom's love toward not only her, but toward God. The love that enables her to fulfill the commandments of God. The love that allows her to be sanctified and presented spotless and blameless as Paul speaks to in his letter to the Corinthians.
Peter tells husbands to respect their wives because both are joint heirs in the Kingdom of God. God has bought my wife for a great cost and then presented her to me as a blessing from His own Hand. How should I receive that?
No matter where we are in our married life, or how much we have neglected God's weightier commands to love, we who are convicted are not left without hope, nor are we without the opportunity for redemption. The consequences might seem overwhelming to us. It may take a much greater sacrifice and much greater expense to tend to those things we allowed to go untended to, but there is no comparison to the joy and peace of moving our house from a foundation of sand to a foundation of rock.
And we have this assurance. God provides for those who humble their pride and come to Him in repentance. Yes, the exasperation will set in when we discover how much real work and sacrifice it takes, and we can be sure the enemy of our marriage will bend our thoughts and zap our motive and remind us of our weaknesses we don't wish to be faced with. That is when we turn to God who is strong in our weakness.
And this is what separates real men from hopeless blobs of flesh in a make dirt suit. It is not to a man's shame to admit his failures and confess his sins, but it is to a man's demise and to satan's delight for a man to stumble over his pride and fall into a snare.
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